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Butterflies… Stomach Flips… All used to describe the happy anxiousness that is the crossroads of something you’re looking forward to with the unknown. Carrie called is Zsa Zsa Zsu at the end of Season 5 (“I Love a Charade”). She describes it as the feeling you get when you meet someone you really really like. That sort of lovey, butterflies feeling when you just want to be with someone. Her actual quote was:

zsa-zsa-zsu-carrie“‘How do you sustain a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu?’
‘The what?’
‘That butterflies-in-your-stomach thing that happens when you not only love the person, but you gotta have them. Isn’t that what gets you through the years? Even if it fades, at least you have the memory of the zsa zsa zsu…'”

Interesting concept. But I’m finding as I’m zeroing in on thirty during this #31WriteNow challenge that Zsa Zsa Zu doesn’t always have to be romantically linked even though that’s usually what is being discussed. As I come to know myself more and am clearer about the things I want, the things I need, and the things that are non-negotiable, I realize Carrie has a point. A lot of relationships may last for a long time without a butterflies feeling, but do you want that? Would you have an issue knowing that someone you love didn’t mind being with you, but didn’t necessarily want you? (How many relationships do you know of that fit that description? I can think of several.) In fact, how many relationships have you been in for that EXACT REASON?

I’m finding Zsa Zsa Zsu moments everywhere. Teaching isn’t glamorous (at all), but have my Zsa Zsa Zsu/Mr. Feeny moments every time I see the light bulb go off. When a child sees enlightenment in a concept I’ve taught them (in or out of the textbook), I get the butterflies. Those butterflies stop me from leaving the profession at particularly low moments. My friends provide Zsa Zsa Zsu moments over the years when I’ve felt particularly lonely in a new and bigger city than the one in which I grew up. The rest of that episode was interesting…truly one of my favorites. Miranda realized how important Steve was to her while Charlotte stopped with her ideal man list to realize an ideal man was in front of her.

Carrie had some truly poetic dialogue in this show. My favorite lines were at the end …

pregnant carrie

“When it comes to relationships, maybe we’re all in glass houses and shouldn’t throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down. Some people are settling. And some people refuse to settle for anything less…than butterflies.”

Word.

I’m deciding that’s true for anything that truly matters to me. And I truly feel blessed that those things are coming into fruition in my job potential, my friendship circle, my family, my faith, and the man in my life. The things I hold close to me are important to me because I want them…not just because they are there and available. Settling was a true possibility. When you settle, you’re always hoping for something different while being indifferent in the now. So as I get ready for my birthday dinner party…I’m truly happy for butterflies. ­čÖé

Where have you experienced (or at least hope to experience) your Zsa Zsa Zu?

Love,

-V

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Last night when I was trying to find something to write, my boyfriend suggested that I watch an episode to see if it sparked anything. (Seriously? Made of awesome. I know.) While getting one idea, something else jumped out at me: Carrie’s relationship with her Vogue editor, Enid Frick (Season 4, “A Vogue Idea”).Enid Frick Enid seemed to be very withdrawn, only focused on work, and not very polite. She even got mad at Carrie once for not telling her she invited her sometime-man…something that Carrie would’ve had no way of knowing because she and Enid had not really developed a personal relationship. It got me to thinking about Work relationships.

Unless your last name is Gates, Winfrey, or Zuckerberg…odds are you probably have to go to work tomorrow. Hopefully you love your job (I love my career). However, no matter how much you love your job, there’s probably one person there who works your nerves. They either don’t appreciate your professionalism (or lack thereof). They don’t like how un- or overly social you are. Your natural overachieving nature or simple mediocrity grinds their gears. All without you even trying or caring. Sometimes you try to make that relationship improve…other times you just focus on making sure you do your job and do it well.

School starts back next week, and my one work friend – the friend that I have who jumped out of the “work friend” boat to simply friend (the work is only there so if I’m telling a story, people who don’t know her name still know exactly to whom I’m referring) – got a new job all of a sudden. It was a promotion, and while I’m ecstatic for her……it dimmed the bulb of returning. My response, especially when you tend to be in a highly gossip-y environment, is to stay to yourself. Even then, the gossip goes: is she anti-social? Is she hiding something? Does she hate us? I mean, you can’t win sometimes, it only depends on whose doing the talking to what the story will be.

And this isn’t specific to just work. It can apply to any place where you have to have a working relationship for a common goal. Whether it’s church, social clubs, mutual friends…it happens everywhere. (And if it hasn’t happened…trust me…you’re working someone’s nerves and they haven’t admitted it, lol.) How do you address it? Carrie tried to be overly polite to Enid even when it was never returned unless she needed or wanted something. I, on the other hand, focus on whatever the “work” is and try to disregard anything that doesn’t affect that. What do you do? Let me know ­čÖé

Love,

-V

I’m six days away from my 30th Birthday. (Yes…Birthday gets a capital B. I’ve decided it’s a proper noun.)

As I alluded in the first post for the #31WriteNow series, I’ve had lots of things I’ve concerned about. Life…Love…the Pursuit of Happiness. It seems that the closer I get to this major milestone birthday, the more I start giving consideration to things on a more long term scale. I also get very definite about the things that I am NOT giving consideration to on a long term scale…or short term for that matter. I’m slowly but surely coming into my own about who I am, and who I’m not for that matter. I know I’ll make mistakes, I’ll have great ideas, I’ll laugh (probably a lot), and cry. I’ll have arguments, and I’ll be woman enough to apologize when I’m wrong.

satc_season5_episode71_514x330_032920041251_thumbThis reminds me of Season 5’s “Cover Girl”, the first fight on record between Carrie and Samantha. Carrie made the statement that she believed it was time for women her age to cover up, she admitted judging the one friend who had never judged her, and out rightly said that she was uncomfortable with the looks suggested to her for her book cover and didn’t bend on it. And like my line sister so eloquently used Beyonce’s newest full version song to explain, that is some Grown Woman ish. She refused to cover who she was.

I’ve noticed about myself that I am less likely to do things I don’t want to do just to make some group happy, or to ensure that others don’t judge me. I also address people head on. I don’t fake it when I’ve been hurt or wronged,…and then, well, please refer to the previous sentence. It takes a lot to decide who you are in spite of the world. Even more to not have an issue to admit when you’re wrong. Even more to know and even welcome your shortcomings. I’m happy to be embarking on my Grown Woman. I’m also refusing to cover up, hide, or refute who I am. I’m a Grown Woman.

What are your signs of growing up?

Love,

-V

One of the things that I love about Sex and the City is the wittiness of the dialogue. I loved how many allusions there were to literature, how the shows were themed…all of it. That is the part of the show that initially drew me in – well…that and the shoes. To me, this is what was missing from the second movie (I think. I’m going to watch it again tonight to ensure I know what happened. I disliked it so much at first watching that I bought it and never watched it again. The dialogue that I can recall was so corny that I got annoyed)…the conversations. One episode that has a huge focus on that dialogue is the Season 5 premiere, “Anchors Away”. When Carrie suggested Brady might be anorexic because he wouldn’t latch on during breastfeeding? Loved it. Creating New York as a dysfunctional boyfriend? Great imagery.

screenshot1

I was ecstatic yesterday when I had to opportunity to be all witty and whatnot during the most random conversation. Let me just say this: yesterday was a day of Randomness. I got compliment bombed as I walked to my car from lunch yesterday. A guy yelled “NICE LEGS!” and waved from his truck. (No…thank YOU random citizen!) But the most random one happened as I was trying to find the best popcorn on earth in Kroger.

As I walked through the store, searching on the popcorn aisle for popcorn (silly me) and not finding it. A group of male employees at the meat station started making comments to which most non-ratchet women wouldn’t acknowledge or respond. Finally, one of the guys said, “Can I help you find something?” I then turned and said “No, I’m okay.” The second guy said, “It don’t make no d*mn sense for you to look that good.” I did a polite smile and kept walking. The first guy said, “What are you looking for?” I said “This popcorn…” The second guy said, “Is it good?” I said, “Yes…it’s the best popcorn in America…possibly the world.” He said, “Dang…that good? I want to try it.” I said, “If it’s in here, I’ll let you know what it’s called.” He said, “But I want to try it…not here, but at your house later.” I said, “Ummmm……..inappropriate must be half off with your Kroger card.”

About 10 minutes later, I felt the sweet euphoria of having the great comeback. The witty response. That awesome repartee. That was a great response! Yes…I’m a dork. I know…I’m okay with it, but I was seriously thinking, “SWEET!” once it came out of my mouth, lol.

You ever have an experience where you had an awesome comeback that didn’t “occur to you to say” like…..3 hours later? What was it? I wanna know. Sharing is caring. I have another one where I almost effectively quoted an entire chorus from Bobby Brown’s “My Prerogative” without her knowing it, and was giving good advice too. Oh yeah…that one was awesome. Anyway, please…share.

Love,

-V

On last Thursday (not yesterday), I went to a Ru Sans for lunch because I wanted Asian food. I didn’t know that they did a buffet, so I got the fried rice I wanted, broccoli, and an endless supply of sushi…my Nook and I were ready for a pretty nice afternoon. I took a small booth near the door, and prepared to read and eat.

There was a couple sitting to my side and a bit behind me. Because of our close proximity, I could make out their conversation, but I was trying to be engrossed in my book. However, there was a strand of dialogue that perked my ears, “He just doesn’t get me.”

Maybe it was the tone of her voice that made it stand out. Maybe it was the “he” pronoun when she was already there with a guy. It kind of made me chuckle like, “Someone is about to get broken up with.” His response was, “I completely understand. I’ve felt alone with her for the past two months.” My reaction turned from the chuckle to an “uh-oh….” I listened to them hash out their earnest complaints and desires about the person to whom they were committed. He played video games with a headset on for hours while ignoring the flesh and blood person sitting in his living room. She didn’t make the effort to give him to type of love he wants. And right when I was about to be lost in my book again, I heard her say “husband”.

My immediate thought was, “Molly…..you in danger, girl.” Unbeknownst, or maybe even beknownst (can you be beknownst? How can you just add random prefixes to words that don’t stand alone? Sorry…anyway……) to her, she was setting herself up for an affair. This communal gripe session was giving root to the allowance of those feelings being watered elsewhere. I wondered if they could see it coming. I wondered if they prepared for it in advance. I wondered if they had made the decision to cheat.

samanthaRichardAtlanticCityIt makes me think of Carrie and Aidan, the second go round in Season 4 (“Time and Punishment”). Or Samantha and Richard’s round 2 in Season 5 in Atlantic City (“Luck Be an Old Lady”). Or Charlotte, Harry, and the nanny in the Sex and City 2 movie. All of these were differing levels of the possibility of infidelity, and at some point, someone saw it coming. Notice I didn’tnanny mention the Carrie/Aidan/Big fiasco of Season 3. Big may have known his intentions, but for all intents and purposes, Carrie was a bit caught off guard. She tried her best to avoid him until she got thrown up against an elevator wall, lol. When Aidan was annoyed that Big was still around, he started hanging out with the female bartender (who obviously knew about her) and got very close to the “inappropriate” line. Samantha and Richard might’ve been a self-fulfilling prophecy because Samantha couldn’t let go of his past indiscretion, and was just waiting for it to happen again by side-eyeing every waitress and cleaning girl. Charlotte never considered the possibility that Harry would step out on her because she trusted him (still my favorite couple!), until her friends planted the idea, and then it was all she could see.

My point is this: at some point there is a moment of recognition and a moment of escape. Carrie called Aidan out on it so they could have the actual forgiveness conversation; Samantha cut her losses before that shoe hit the ground; and Charlotte…well she over-analyzed it while in Abu Dhabi but ultimately trusted her husband because the root of her issue didn’t stem from him, but from her friends warning her about the “Jude Law” (at least I think so. I didn’t like the second movie, so I didn’t watch it as much. I totally hope that’s what happened).

I remember being saddened once I found out she was married…that girl in the restaurant. I was discussing this with two of my closest friends, and decided that I wanted to warn her in some way. I wanted her to not become what she would despise. I was writing it on a napkin…”be careful.” I turned around to see how to give it to her, and they were gone. Who knows where. I hope they were going to have these conversations with someone else…their significant others (hopefully)… counselors… Iyanla… somebody! I didn’t want those two friends talk to give way to action that was not-so-friendly.

But I will tell you what I learned from the show and this situation – a lesson from each.

  1. Call it like you see it…you might even get some true forgiveness out of it.
  2. Know when to hold ’em, and know when to fold ’em. (this is not about towels)
  3. You should probably only trust details of your relationship to people who care as much about IT prospering as you do. This is different from people who care about you. Those can be opposites.

So what would you do if faced with the same situation, in any perspective? I’m curious. Let me know.

Love,

-V

A conversation that I had with a friend (yes, you got mentioned in this post, even though you don’t read it, but I’m sure someone will let you know) gave me the most profound and idiotic insight into the male psyche after I asked him what constitutes a male thinking that a female is flirting with him:

“To a man who is interested in you, flirting is any positive interaction of any kind. ‘Hey, you dropped your $20 bill!’ can mean, ‘She wants me. Why would she hand ME back MY┬ádub? We together.'”

I told him that was probably the most idiotic thing I’d ever heard. His response? “Might be, but it is what it is.”

Her: "What does he think of this painting, I wonder?" Him: "Oh yeah...she wants me."

Now, this isn’t just one-sided. Women can also analyze the mess out of some run-of-the-mill niceties and start picking out 2nd child names. I’m just wondering┬áfrom what experiences do┬ápeople’s definitions of flirting come? I’ve had several folks tell me that I’m a flirt because I smile at guys. D*mmit…I’m a happy person. Don’t hate on my joyful soul. Just because the hot-32 were aimed your way for a millisecond of life doesn’t mean I’m fantasizing about carats and how well your last name sounds with my first (or any other kind of fantasy). I was also told that I seem rather “friendly.”┬á I hug people that I know when I see them. Maybe it’s because I’m from the South.

We’ve all probably been in those “we together” situations in our own heads where the other person has no idea we’re even thinking that way like me and T.I. Who else has had to have a “Well, I’m flattered, but the truth is *insert nice let-down and ensuing discomfort and awkwardness*” conversation? Not just me right?

All of the girls did their share of analyzing a man’s intentions based off a message or a question. When Carrie first met Jack Berger in Season 5, she took his asking her to accompany him to the dry cleaners as a sign that he was interested (which, I’ll admit, is a bit odd; however, he could have just been enjoying her company at that moment, and wasn’t ready for the convo to end).

For the past few months, a guy who is a friend has sent me smiley faces via text. To me, I think they’re letting me know that though we haven’t had time to talk, he hasn’t forgotten about me. To others, he wants me and just hasn’t had the opportunity to get it out. *Kanye shrug*

So I’ll bite: What’s flirting to you? Wat do you do when you are truly flirting?

Love,

-V

Don’t judge me.

I hurt my neck this weekend.

I can’t prove it, but I’m pretty sure that I hurt it “Whippin’ my hair back and forth” with Willow Smith’s song. This was on Saturday evening; my upper back and neck just shut down on Sunday evening. I thought I had pinched a nerve or something! It wasn’t until a friend of mine said, “Hey, maybe it was from that whippin’ last night.” Eureka.

Throwback Carrie

Now, I’ve just turned 27, but I can clearly remember whole days of high school. It doesn’t seem like I should be heading for my ten year reunion (Reminder: pay for ten year class reunion). Even as I write this, my friend who I’m on the phone with said, “Ten years doesn’t seem like a long time. I would’ve thought in ten years I should’ve changed the world.” So, if my mind is still there…where the heck are my other muscles??

I had time to think while I was laying on my heating pad (again, don’t judge me), how many injuries have we endured getting older? Physical or otherwise? Yeah, I’m dealing with a neck injury, but my heart has gotten bashed in a time or two. If I can make it through the latter, the former should pass just as smoothly. Friends walked away in grade school, just like they walked away in college, and even once I moved to Georgia. It seems to be the cycle of life.┬áI get nervous about things just like the first day of 9th grade and excited about things like Homecoming of my Senior Year.

My linesister Alisha even talked about how she used to be able to shut down the club with the best of them, but now anything longer than around 1am gets a “kill yo’self”. It doesn’t seem that long ago…but apparently our bones know differently.

Even Carrie had to inform Samantha in Season 5┬áthat it was time for ladies her age to “cover it up” (Cover Girl). She also tried to refuse running around Times Square looking for a cute sailor to kiss, because “that ship has sailed…pun intended” (Anchors Away). So what things are age telling is no longer appropriate? Were they even appropriate then? I’m just saying, would I have been able to whip my hair all night long at 21, or is whipping just outta order because no good can come of it? (lol…that might’ve gotten too deep for what I’m trying to convey here.)

Summing it up, what are the injuries of getting older? Is it just the physical of bad knees from sports playing days, or is it more to it than that? I tell you what…no more Willow for me…that’s all I’m saying.

3 or 4 broken hearts, a failed marriage, pessimism, and cancer: Did they see it coming?

Love,

-V

*sigh*

I would really rather write about anything else right now, but nothing else is coming to mind (probably because this is the only thing on my mind).

A friend of mine once told me that one of the scariest things in the world to her as a child was the monkey bars. When I asked her to expound upon this, she said, “The monkey bars provided you with exhilirating options about what you would experience; however, you had to let go of the lower bars just to get up there. Scariest thing I remember…just letting go.”

In Season 5 (“Catch”), Carrie was researching a new “singles” activity, the

"...I Can't!!"

┬áflying trapeze. Once she did something a little out of her comfort zone, she became hooked! What she couldn’t do was let go of the bar to reach out and catch the hands of another. It was too far past what she was comfortable. She attempted twice, and she refused to take her hands off the bar. It got me to thinking about the next relationship, friendship, job offer, etc… Why is it hard to let go of the bar?

A friend of mine has been very, um, clear…yeah, we’ll go with clear…about what his intentions are towards me. He has done the nicest things, been a good person, and seems to be forthright…but I have a vice grip on that bar. I say things like, “Well, I hope you’re telling the truth.” It’s my defense mechanism. Whenever something seems off-kilter, whether it is or not, I do what my friend describes as “ostriching” – sticking my head in the sand to step away from what is currently causing me discomfort. He has started to call me on it. He wants to know why I don’t believe what he says…why I don’t trust him. I told him it’s not him I don’t trust; it’s trust that I don’t trust. It hasn’t worked out too well for me before I guess. Benefit of the doubt and all that jazz.

Well, letting go is not a place of strength. It makes you vulnerable. Once you’ve experienced a not-so-nice feeling –┬áwhether it was hitting the ground off the monkey bars, betrayal from a friend, or a broken heart – our natural instinct of self preservation activates to stop any semblance of that same issue. The problem then becomes that you can’t experience the benefits either.

So while I’m not sure I’m ready to leap, my fingers aren’t as tight. We’ll see. But I know one thing, I’m so happy to have a great safety net: faith, family, and friends. You guys are awesome ­čÖé

What about you guys? Are you leaping?

Love,

-V

We’ve all been there (probably).

Been out with someone, and within fifteen minutes were thinking, “I could be doing something more important with my life right now, like counting ceiling tiles.” Guys generally end the evening. We girls, however, don’t do it that easily.

We have a plan.

This plan usually involves another friend, a phone call, a specific time frame (i.e. 15 minutes, or 9:42pm), a story that includes a flat tire or a possibly abusive boyfriend/end of a relationship, and an immediate emergency that only the person on the date can handle.

And we’re proud of it.

I was talking to a good friend of mine over the weekend as she was driving home from her hair appointment, and she was telling me about this guy she was spending time with who all of a sudden started irritating her. She said, “Girl! I┬átexted my friend and said to call me with an emergency in fifteen minutes. It was bad because she was saying crazy stuff and I was trying not to laugh and blow my cover!”

This reminded me of Season 5 (Hop, Skip, and a Week) when Carrie and Berger went out to eat, and were sitting down less than 10 seconds when Charlotte burst out of nowhere. She was freaking out because she was on a horrible blind date and had to get out of there. She asked Carrie to call and say something bad happened so she could ditch dude. Of course, it worked. Berger, on the other hand, couldn’t figure out why she wouldn’t just end the date.

Why is that? If a guy isn’t feeling a girl he’s out with, I doubt he is texting his homeboy to bail him out. (But if you are, please let me know. I’ll happily edit this.) He’ll just talk to him later, starting the conversation with “You won’t believe this chick I went out with! She *insert random stalkerish-crazy-idiotic-ignorant behavior*! I won’t be talking to her anymore…unless she is gonna give me some.”

I have some stories. A friend of mine once asked me to call her, and the story I told her was pretty good. She started crying (for effect) and eventually cried for real (it took her a while to stop). saying that the story made her think of a past relationship. I told her, “Dude. It didn’t┬áreally happen.”┬áThe guy called her all night (literally…every. 25. minutes.) trying to make sure she was okay. I’m pretty sure it had the opposite effect than what she was going for.

I even remember preventative escape plan stories. One of my favorite “bonding” moments with my linesister Alisha was in college, and it was a bunch of us in my dormroom. She said she was at a party, and some random guy she was talking to earlier called her to see where she was. I guess she wasn’t feeling him, and she said, “See, I was slick. I told him I was outside on the left side…but I was outside on the right side.” We all cracked up (Maybe you had to be there…or know how Alisha talks for this to be funny, but trust me, it was hilarious at 3 in the morning… #memories).

Do you have any exit strategy stories? I’d like to hear them!

Love,

-V

So one of my friends and I were having a conversation about the guy I’m currently dating hanging with, and she was trying to analyze his motives. Personally, I am absolutely NOT analyzing his motifs, simply because I am at a place where I choose not to care what they are.┬áI want to keep my feelings in check, simply because in check sounds like a great place for them to be after what I’ve been through on that front.

Well, a conversation about his supposed commitment level led to me saying, “He can’t have that much of an issue with it. He was engaged before.” She then said, “Oh…well, why did it end?” I did a kanye shrug. I didn’t know because I never asked. I never asked because I didn’t have a motivation to know. She said, “Girl, you’ve got to find out! You need to know what you’re dealing with.” **I just want to point out here that my friends are more hell-bent on understanding what he is doing than I am. I recognize that this is because they don’t want me hurt eventually. I love them for that, although I routinely choose to ignore what they want me to do for information that they themselves want. They normally get a ” kill yo’self” for their troubles. They love me anyway.**

I continued to ignore this until the guy and I had a conversation about he and his ex, and how it ended on a “F-you! NO…F-YOU!!” type┬ánote.┬áThis made me think of Carrie and Jack Berger when they were first starting out, and she witnessed a double-finger situation with him and his answering machine. Lauren, his ex, called, wishing to have lunch. Carrie then started wondering what she was dealing with. The questions started to pour in. She made the statement, “Man! Just when you thought you didn’t have to open to ex-files.” She ultimately asked about it (by the way, Lauren had cheated, in case you didn’t know and/or wanted to), and they shared their pasts.

I am guardedly open about my past hurts. My break-up is still revealing things to me. In my dealings with others, I have found that the way I was treated, though okay, was nowhere near the way I’d want to be treated as someone’s woman. It was what I had accepted. Now, this person is very considerate and very attentive…and the engagement is off? What the hell happened? Do I even want to know? That’s an admission of feelings, and I don’t think I want that because I’m not there yet.

What do you think? Is it a necessity to find out your relationship’s previous relationship? Do you open the ex-files?

Love,

V

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