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ImageYou see this?

It was posted on Instagram by @alex_elle (Alexandra Elle). It spoke to me. Read it.

It is a part of her #anote2self campaign. Her idea is that “we all need reminders” and she invites people to use the hashtag and write their own notes.

This particular one spoke to me because I’ve had a rough year. It is probably been rougher than most realize or understand, that’s for sure. However, on this day…this particular day in February…it’s so easy to focus on what we don’t have or to look to the next level as more important than the one we’re in. So I just wanted to share this #anote2self: You are enough.

It seems like sometimes in life when we keep getting two to the body, and one to the head, we get used to rolling with the punches. What happens is that when we finally stop, we realize that we are bruised. Battered. Beaten. We never give ourselves time to heal between blows. Maybe because we are so used to pressing on. To dusting ourselves off. And when we finally stop…we may not recognize ourselves. We may doubt our abilities. Our gifts. Our value. Our anything. So this reminder is that you are enough.

In “Attack of the 5’10” Woman” (Season 3…my favorite season), Carrie was almost desperate to show Natasha that she was fabulous. When that opportunity didn’t present itself, she felt like less and less. That was because through all of her heartache, she had begun to feel like less and less…but never stopped. My favorite part of that episode is when Charlotte told Carrie in the midst of her obsession: “Listen to you. You don’t have to prove anything. You are stunning… intelligent… and funny.” Carrie’s response was, “Wow! Why can’t you do that for yourself?”

Sometimes we can’t. Sometimes we feel so let down or rejected that it clouds our ability to see value in ourselves. You feel enough pain and you get tired. You believe your worst critique. The value is pushed down deep and possibly covered. But it’s there. And no matter who didn’t see it, who didn’t want it, who can’t stand it…it’s there. And you are enough.

So, just let yourself heal. It’s God’s battle anyway. 🙂

I’m not sure if anyone needed that, but this is #anote2self…so if it isn’t for anyone else, I’ll take it. So no matter how much I’ve been hurt, or feel sad or down, I have to know that I am enough. Even if it’s just because God said so.

Have a Happy Valentine’s Day.

Love,

–V

Someone called me a skeptic recently.

I have never been called a skeptic by anyone. In my life. Ever. (Well, I guess until recently.)

That has never been me. I’m Miss Optimistic. The sunny side of life. Even if it ain’t sunny, hey, I ain’t complainin’. I’m in the rain doing a buck-forty, hydroplanin’. (If you get that…I love you. +10)

You catch my drift though.

I’ve always had the type of mindset that thought the best of anyone I met, because I figured there was no way they could get to know me and intend to do me harm…right? The more I thought about it, the more I realized … He’s right. I am. A skeptic. At least I am now. I can add it to the list of Learned Behaviors (along with something else I won’t mention here).

I’ve found that the closer someone gets to me, the more my expectations lower. I brace. Wait for the blow. The other shoe will fall any minute now. It reminds me of Miranda when she first met Steve (Season 2, “The Man, The Myth, the Viagra). He wanted to stay around. She pushed him away. He worked harder to be in her life, and each time she fought harder to maintain distance. When he asked why, what was her response? “I guess I’ve just kissed too many bartenders.”

Miranda never considered he could be different. At least not for real. She knew he was saying something that someone “different” might say. Maybe even doing something that someone “different” might do. But to her, he looked the same. The same as every other one who had let her down. Who had said something different before. Who had done something different before. Eventually…it worked out for her. This moment started it…remember?

"...maybe I can believe it..."

“…maybe I can believe it…”

I don’t like it. I’m not okay with being afraid of the next hurt, but I’m also not okay with being so trusting that I become the fool each time. So what’s the middle ground? Skeptical Optimist? Optimistic Skeptic? I remember when Charlotte had that feeling after she and Trey divorced. I understood that place of feeling lost. More than I want to share.

What about you? Have you been in that place? Did you pull yourself out? Did you go for broke and trust? Are you there and okay with it? Let me know, but not right now…because Scandal is about to start. …like, right now. 😉

Love,

–V

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