So one of my friends and I were having a conversation about the guy I’m currently dating hanging with, and she was trying to analyze his motives. Personally, I am absolutely NOT analyzing his motifs, simply because I am at a place where I choose not to care what they are. I want to keep my feelings in check, simply because in check sounds like a great place for them to be after what I’ve been through on that front.

Well, a conversation about his supposed commitment level led to me saying, “He can’t have that much of an issue with it. He was engaged before.” She then said, “Oh…well, why did it end?” I did a kanye shrug. I didn’t know because I never asked. I never asked because I didn’t have a motivation to know. She said, “Girl, you’ve got to find out! You need to know what you’re dealing with.” **I just want to point out here that my friends are more hell-bent on understanding what he is doing than I am. I recognize that this is because they don’t want me hurt eventually. I love them for that, although I routinely choose to ignore what they want me to do for information that they themselves want. They normally get a ” kill yo’self” for their troubles. They love me anyway.**

I continued to ignore this until the guy and I had a conversation about he and his ex, and how it ended on a “F-you! NO…F-YOU!!” type note. This made me think of Carrie and Jack Berger when they were first starting out, and she witnessed a double-finger situation with him and his answering machine. Lauren, his ex, called, wishing to have lunch. Carrie then started wondering what she was dealing with. The questions started to pour in. She made the statement, “Man! Just when you thought you didn’t have to open to ex-files.” She ultimately asked about it (by the way, Lauren had cheated, in case you didn’t know and/or wanted to), and they shared their pasts.

I am guardedly open about my past hurts. My break-up is still revealing things to me. In my dealings with others, I have found that the way I was treated, though okay, was nowhere near the way I’d want to be treated as someone’s woman. It was what I had accepted. Now, this person is very considerate and very attentive…and the engagement is off? What the hell happened? Do I even want to know? That’s an admission of feelings, and I don’t think I want that because I’m not there yet.

What do you think? Is it a necessity to find out your relationship’s previous relationship? Do you open the ex-files?

Love,

V

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