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LOL.
Stretch girl…you’re out of practice.
Yep.
So, a post I made four years ago exactly popped up on my TimeHop and reminded me that I haven’t posted in a few years.
I just never came back. I didn’t plan on doing so either, but rereading that post and realizing what it was the beginning of made me realize how important that outlet was in my life at the time. So, I figured I should give this blog a proper closing. Here we go:
I started this blog as a response to heartbreak. Someone from my past wounded me deeply, and this was a much needed reprieve from the self-reflection and assessment of self-worth that clouded my mind. It then moved from a way to express those emotions in a guarded way to a way to examine the random goings on of life in relation to something I enjoyed. Now, I honestly can’t tell you the last time I’ve watched SATC beyond a random TBS showing as I’m flipping through the channels and catch a “good one”.
I remember telling someone awhile ago that I can only write when I’m sad. I write lots of poetry when I’m struggling with something. I can rarely do that when I’m happy beyond the love…dove…glove that Big reminded Carrie of when she was asked to write a poem for that wedding (which Season was that…awww man, I’m losing my touch!! 😦 ) So, it makes sense that I haven’t kept up with this as my personality has shown, and I think that’s a good thing. I write to process…I haven’t needed to do that for something on the negative spectrum in quite some time. It makes sense…and this is exactly why Sex and the City needed to stop after the first movie.
The girls were fine. Everybody was good. They manufactured issues for the sake of the story…and it was subpar at best. I’ve already discussed this at length. They should’ve just left it alone. Aidan was fine in our memories. He didn’t need to become the bad(ish) guy. They made an entire movie because Carrie was bored. Bored people. If there’s not a story there, let’s not force one. They could’ve been happily living in post TV land just doing stuff day to day without an audience.
That’s how I am.
That’s what I’m doing.
The only reason I wrote tonight was because the post that popped up reminded me where I was when the writing was expressive because my life was confusing. Things are very different. My friends are still excellent. I’m still teaching (and kicking butt at it, even in a different environment). I’m happily living my post blog life just doing stuff without a day to day audience. And that’s okay. I’m good. 🙂
So here is the series finale of Sex and the City Psychology. Thank you to the people who consistently posted, who sent encouraging emails, who shared or only found me recently. I appreciate your listening ears when I needed them. I’m grateful for your attention. I hope that your lives are filled with happiness, and that you have found someone to love the you that you love. More importantly, I’m hoping that you love the you that you are.
Thank you.
Oh yeah, before I go…the friend I started making traditions with? The one I sparked with? Well…
I married him. 
Best decision ever. It’ll be two years in a few weeks, in case you’re curious. That’s all folks. Be sweet!
~Fin.
“…nobody would fall because everyone would be each others’ crutches.” –Jay Z, “Feelin’ It”
Hi.
Let me start by saying this…I’m not going to promise to post more often. I’m not going to say that I’ll do this and this or that and that. I’m not going to offer excuses or explanations. I’ve been living. When I feel inspired and life slows down enough for me to write, I’ll write. If it doesn’t, I won’t. I’m going to stop making that promise.
Now, on with the show.
I’m happy.
I could end there, but that wouldn’t be much of a post would it. Let me start again, 30 owes me nothing. If everyday from here on out until 31 was filled with bologna sandwiches and Scandal-less tv, I wouldn’t complain (well…hopefully. I shouldn’t complain. That would be more honest). I’ve had some wonderful things happening in my career (which I’m not at liberty to share), I’m honestly happy with myself as a person, and I’m in a relationship that feels nothing like I’ve ever felt, and I feel blessed by it all. God has kept his eye on me, and I am forever thankful.
But this isn’t what is making me ultimately happy.
I mean sure…it’s 90%. But what is making me happy is that my friends are finding their happy too. We have seen each other at some interesting lows, and seen glimpses of what highs look like. It’s awesome that I have a friend making waves in her dream, another who is a semester away from hers, another who can probably kick through a door legitimately if need-be, several bosses in their careers, and more awesome mommies and talented chicks than I can count. I’m happiest that the people I’ve chosen to be my family – my friends – are coming up too. Even if some are still climbing their mountain, they should know someone else has got lemonade on chill for them, right?
Even though I won’t tie this to a specific episode of Sex and the City, this is ultimately what the entire show is about: being there for your friends through it all. Happy in their happies, and wiping tears in their sads. Seeing in them what life has blinded them to in themselves, and throwing the confetti when that picture comes in HD. So I could talk about love and have a laundry list of things I’ve learned about myself and why he’s the best ever, but this moment is not the time for that particular revelation. I’m happy. I’m happy for me. I’m happy for them. I’m happy for us. And this “us” is my friends.
Love you ladies.
–V
Yep…I didn’t complete the #31WriteNow challenge…but more on that another day. Today I want to talk about what has been on my mind all day.
One of my favorite (non-hair) blogs is VerySmartBrothas. Last week, one of the site’s contributors shared a 100-word insight on love that he originally posted on another blog.
Please go read it. I’ll wait…..
Read it? Good.
Language aside, it was one of the most poignant and truthful things I’ve ever read. I can completely understand. One of the things I’ve found that came with this all-encompassing happiness from the relationship I’m in wais an ever-present dreading. It feels scary to love someone so much that you become obsessed over how you would deal if they were no longer there. I literally think things such as, “A random drunk driver could change my life and I don’t know how I’d bear it.”
That sucks.
It’s like, I could have an awesome day, a wonderful weekend, and as I’m thinking about it in happiness, this random thought creeps in where if he says he’s about to run to the store for peppermints, I’m dang near hyperventilating. What the what??! This has never happened before. I understood concern for someone taking flights (“Text AS SOON AS you land!!”) or road trips (“Stop texting me and drive!!”), but I’ve never been concerned about Target. Or an outside run. Or lunch (who knows what really leads to cancer these days…). It’s mind-boggling.
What amazes me is that I’ve been in four relationships before now…only two of those being serious…and I’ve never felt this way before. I’d never had this level of concern. Yeah, everyone gets the obligatory “be careful” if they are doing things that requires carefulness, but not the “Please don’t fall getting out of the shower and hit your head on the toilet and black out” type of concern. I imagine that new parents feel the same way.
In Season 6, “The Domino Effect”, Carrie spends an evening with a visiting Big. He mentions over dinner that he’s in town for heart surgery, and without controlling it, she bursts into tears. It happened again when she visited him in the hospital, and again when she mentioned the reason for his visit to her friends. It was probably the most telling of any relationship she’d ever been in…and she technically wasn’t in one then. She genuinely cared, and the thought that something could happen to him had shaken her to her core. She normally only reserved that type of emotion for the girls. But Big was Big. And he got in. Even though the end of the episode left a lot to be desired on her part, Carrie knew where her feelings were…where they always had been.
I’ll say this, it’s not my hope to start worrying about if caterpillars will mutate and suck the life out of my beloved, but I do know that this is a tell for how much he means to me. Only God can protect him, so I have to let Him do just that. But, one of the best feelings in the world is when I see him walk in the door, and I know he’s safe……………. and with me.
Have you ever experienced this? WHY DIDN’T YOU WARN ME?? How did you handle it? Let me know!
Love,
–V
I haven’t forgotten about you. Between turning 30 (which was awesome, and thank you so much for the spectacular well wishes!), work being back in session with a vengeance, a legion of meetings outside of my teaching responsibilities, church activities, and having the time to stop and enjoy my relationship…ya girl has been busy. And sleepy. Very very sleepy. So I took seven days off from writing, but I’m still here. Say, “Hello Atlanta!” Lol, 😉
But trust me…I am still one happy girl. I’m happy with where I am. I’m typing this from my phone in a meeting, taking notes and asking questions, but still wanting to express myself. Yesterday, a friend sent a song to me that she said reminded her of myself and my road to 30. The song is “I Choose” by India.Arie. Check the chorus:
Preach India! This reminded me of when Carrie turned 35 with a less than positive outlook. She had to admit something from her heart that her mind wished wasn’t truth: that she wanted a special man to celebrate with. Having her friends made her life wonderful, but they didn’t fill that companionship void. It wasn’t until Big showed up with champagne and red balloons that she felt better (here’s a Vivienne note: this is when I figured they would end up together. I’m pretty sure I’ll make this a post.)
Then I thought about when one of my closest friends turned 30. She wasn’t looking forward to it and she has a wonderful husband and beautiful children. However, her career wasn’t what she wanted. This is when it occurred to me that this song was relatable. Authenticity to who you are makes a difference. What is important to me may not be as valuable to someone else. But if it’s important to me…it’s important. Pretending it’s not just leaves feelings of discontentment. You can’t forget about yourself and YOUR values. And you can’t judge what’s important to you by what is important to others. Choose.
So… I’m choosing. Choosing to focus on being my best self. Choosing to want to be the best Vivienne, daughter, friend, girlfriend, future wife, and/or future mom that I can. Because I started thinking that way, I embraced 30 with open arms and snacks, lol. I love that life started falling into place and allowed me to see me clearly. I won’t forget about V.
Any areas where you’re choosing your best you…or want to? Share.
Love,
-V
Butterflies… Stomach Flips… All used to describe the happy anxiousness that is the crossroads of something you’re looking forward to with the unknown. Carrie called is Zsa Zsa Zsu at the end of Season 5 (“I Love a Charade”). She describes it as the feeling you get when you meet someone you really really like. That sort of lovey, butterflies feeling when you just want to be with someone. Her actual quote was:
“‘How do you sustain a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu?’
‘The what?’
‘That butterflies-in-your-stomach thing that happens when you not only love the person, but you gotta have them. Isn’t that what gets you through the years? Even if it fades, at least you have the memory of the zsa zsa zsu…'”
Interesting concept. But I’m finding as I’m zeroing in on thirty during this #31WriteNow challenge that Zsa Zsa Zu doesn’t always have to be romantically linked even though that’s usually what is being discussed. As I come to know myself more and am clearer about the things I want, the things I need, and the things that are non-negotiable, I realize Carrie has a point. A lot of relationships may last for a long time without a butterflies feeling, but do you want that? Would you have an issue knowing that someone you love didn’t mind being with you, but didn’t necessarily want you? (How many relationships do you know of that fit that description? I can think of several.) In fact, how many relationships have you been in for that EXACT REASON?
I’m finding Zsa Zsa Zsu moments everywhere. Teaching isn’t glamorous (at all), but have my Zsa Zsa Zsu/Mr. Feeny moments every time I see the light bulb go off. When a child sees enlightenment in a concept I’ve taught them (in or out of the textbook), I get the butterflies. Those butterflies stop me from leaving the profession at particularly low moments. My friends provide Zsa Zsa Zsu moments over the years when I’ve felt particularly lonely in a new and bigger city than the one in which I grew up. The rest of that episode was interesting…truly one of my favorites. Miranda realized how important Steve was to her while Charlotte stopped with her ideal man list to realize an ideal man was in front of her.
Carrie had some truly poetic dialogue in this show. My favorite lines were at the end …
“When it comes to relationships, maybe we’re all in glass houses and shouldn’t throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down. Some people are settling. And some people refuse to settle for anything less…than butterflies.”
Word.
I’m deciding that’s true for anything that truly matters to me. And I truly feel blessed that those things are coming into fruition in my job potential, my friendship circle, my family, my faith, and the man in my life. The things I hold close to me are important to me because I want them…not just because they are there and available. Settling was a true possibility. When you settle, you’re always hoping for something different while being indifferent in the now. So as I get ready for my birthday dinner party…I’m truly happy for butterflies. 🙂
Where have you experienced (or at least hope to experience) your Zsa Zsa Zu?
Love,
-V
Last night when I was trying to find something to write, my boyfriend suggested that I watch an episode to see if it sparked anything. (Seriously? Made of awesome. I know.) While getting one idea, something else jumped out at me: Carrie’s relationship with her Vogue editor, Enid Frick (Season 4, “A Vogue Idea”).
Enid seemed to be very withdrawn, only focused on work, and not very polite. She even got mad at Carrie once for not telling her she invited her sometime-man…something that Carrie would’ve had no way of knowing because she and Enid had not really developed a personal relationship. It got me to thinking about Work relationships.
Unless your last name is Gates, Winfrey, or Zuckerberg…odds are you probably have to go to work tomorrow. Hopefully you love your job (I love my career). However, no matter how much you love your job, there’s probably one person there who works your nerves. They either don’t appreciate your professionalism (or lack thereof). They don’t like how un- or overly social you are. Your natural overachieving nature or simple mediocrity grinds their gears. All without you even trying or caring. Sometimes you try to make that relationship improve…other times you just focus on making sure you do your job and do it well.
School starts back next week, and my one work friend – the friend that I have who jumped out of the “work friend” boat to simply friend (the work is only there so if I’m telling a story, people who don’t know her name still know exactly to whom I’m referring) – got a new job all of a sudden. It was a promotion, and while I’m ecstatic for her……it dimmed the bulb of returning. My response, especially when you tend to be in a highly gossip-y environment, is to stay to yourself. Even then, the gossip goes: is she anti-social? Is she hiding something? Does she hate us? I mean, you can’t win sometimes, it only depends on whose doing the talking to what the story will be.
And this isn’t specific to just work. It can apply to any place where you have to have a working relationship for a common goal. Whether it’s church, social clubs, mutual friends…it happens everywhere. (And if it hasn’t happened…trust me…you’re working someone’s nerves and they haven’t admitted it, lol.) How do you address it? Carrie tried to be overly polite to Enid even when it was never returned unless she needed or wanted something. I, on the other hand, focus on whatever the “work” is and try to disregard anything that doesn’t affect that. What do you do? Let me know 🙂
Love,
-V
Now as I was saying yesterday before I realized I was honing in on 100 posts, I had something prepared to write on yesterday. I’m the kind of person who notices weird things about other people. The cadences in their speech. Crazy preferences. All of that. Once after my boyfriend and I went to Chipotle, I noticed that he was studying his tortilla chips before he ate them. I thought maybe he was looking for the curved side – you know, to put the bite from his bowl in, like Scoops (See what I did there?…lol, inside joke). Once that option was out, I was wondering if he was looking for cracks in the chips so he wouldn’t cut his tongue but I knew that was a long shot. Finally, I said “WHAT…are you doing?” He paused and said, “Um…I’m looking for the salted side. Who wants the unsalted side to hit their tongue? The salt would just mix in with the food. I want salt, chip, and then burrito bowl.” I was tickled, yet it made perfect sense.
This made me think about SSBs… Secret Single Behavior (Season 4, “The Good Fight”). In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, your SSBs are habits you have that you would “never want your boyfriend to see you do.” Carrie’s was making a stack of Saltines, putting grape jelly on them, and then eating them standing up in the kitchen while reading fashion magazines. I’m pretty sure I’ve discussed SSBs before, but never having noticed one in the person I was with. I have always wondered about the things it takes awhile for me to do in front of another…especially someone who means something to me. I couldn’t think of anything in particular. (And farting doesn’t count. Everyone does that.)
While typing on yesterday, my boyfriend was sitting next to me and said out of nowhere, “THAT’S YOU?” I was confused. I had a weird look. He said, “You’re making that bass noise.” That’s when I realized something I’ve known but never paid attention to: I read my words in a sort of out loud whisper in a very deep baritone. He said, “I’ve been trying to figure out what that was for the past 3 minutes!” We cracked up.
It’s awesomely great that I can feel awkwardly comfortable with my boyfriend. I’ve been in relationships where I had to fake some part of myself to ensure that the boat didn’t rock. I’m glad this is no longer the case. I probably could’ve added this to yesterdays “Keeping it 100” post…but hey, I’d need something to write today. Six days in for the #31WriteNow, Luvvie…oh yeah!
Do you have SSBs? Have you ever felt comfortable enough to share them? Talk to me 🙂
Love,
-V
I had something all witty to write about that I had been planning out all day in my head. I log into WordPress and see “99 Posts”. Dang. So the next one will be 100? 100 should be celebrated. My wonderful Sorority turned 100 this year and shut. DC. Down. If someone lives to be 100…it seems like the whole country should sign a card or something. I’m always happy when I have 100 cents. I can get something from the vending machine (or at least I used to be able to…I mean what the heck is up with stuff costing $1.25?? Once I put a paper bill in, that should be the end of my transaction for something from the vending machine…seriously. But, I digress…). So it seems right that I should pause to celebrate my 100th post in all it’s 100ness by keeping it 100.
I’m happy.
Exceptionally happy. Beyonce singing Love on Top at the MTV Awards happy…minus the gut full of person part.
Just writing those words made me smile.
It had been a rough first quarter to the year. I am normally a very bubbly person. I talk a lot, even though I don’t like strangers. At the first of the year, I avoided conversation. I didn’t let a lot of people in. I felt like I was a broken record, even to my very close friends. And in my head, I know God is in control. I’ve read the Bible. Things work out in the most unexpected ways to the people there, and I have the benefit of knowing the end of their stories, so there was no way I was going to question the God I serve when I know He’d work it out. I couldn’t, however, control my emotions. Friends would ask what was wrong, and I’d offer a tearful vague reply. All that to say…rough first quarter.
Most of my close friends have moved either out of state or too far to claim they live in Atlanta. My family, while good, has their share of health issues that I constantly lift up in prayer, and my job is stressful.
But I’m happy. God has blessed me with my own little piece of happy. It’s like the best of every friend I’ve ever had, and all of what I’ve ever liked in any relationship…plus some.
I still get in my head about some things, and I still worry about the future in some ways, but I’m present in the moment and am sincerely enjoying being happy. It’s sometimes still foreign. I’d never felt it before. I’m used to it now. I hope to stay used to it.
So there’s some raw truth about me. Anything you want to share?
Love,
-V
On last Thursday (not yesterday), I went to a Ru Sans for lunch because I wanted Asian food. I didn’t know that they did a buffet, so I got the fried rice I wanted, broccoli, and an endless supply of sushi…my Nook and I were ready for a pretty nice afternoon. I took a small booth near the door, and prepared to read and eat.
There was a couple sitting to my side and a bit behind me. Because of our close proximity, I could make out their conversation, but I was trying to be engrossed in my book. However, there was a strand of dialogue that perked my ears, “He just doesn’t get me.”
Maybe it was the tone of her voice that made it stand out. Maybe it was the “he” pronoun when she was already there with a guy. It kind of made me chuckle like, “Someone is about to get broken up with.” His response was, “I completely understand. I’ve felt alone with her for the past two months.” My reaction turned from the chuckle to an “uh-oh….” I listened to them hash out their earnest complaints and desires about the person to whom they were committed. He played video games with a headset on for hours while ignoring the flesh and blood person sitting in his living room. She didn’t make the effort to give him to type of love he wants. And right when I was about to be lost in my book again, I heard her say “husband”.
My immediate thought was, “Molly…..you in danger, girl.” Unbeknownst, or maybe even beknownst (can you be beknownst? How can you just add random prefixes to words that don’t stand alone? Sorry…anyway……) to her, she was setting herself up for an affair. This communal gripe session was giving root to the allowance of those feelings being watered elsewhere. I wondered if they could see it coming. I wondered if they prepared for it in advance. I wondered if they had made the decision to cheat.
It makes me think of Carrie and Aidan, the second go round in Season 4 (“Time and Punishment”). Or Samantha and Richard’s round 2 in Season 5 in Atlantic City (“Luck Be an Old Lady”). Or Charlotte, Harry, and the nanny in the Sex and City 2 movie. All of these were differing levels of the possibility of infidelity, and at some point, someone saw it coming. Notice I didn’t
mention the Carrie/Aidan/Big fiasco of Season 3. Big may have known his intentions, but for all intents and purposes, Carrie was a bit caught off guard. She tried her best to avoid him until she got thrown up against an elevator wall, lol. When Aidan was annoyed that Big was still around, he started hanging out with the female bartender (who obviously knew about her) and got very close to the “inappropriate” line. Samantha and Richard might’ve been a self-fulfilling prophecy because Samantha couldn’t let go of his past indiscretion, and was just waiting for it to happen again by side-eyeing every waitress and cleaning girl. Charlotte never considered the possibility that Harry would step out on her because she trusted him (still my favorite couple!), until her friends planted the idea, and then it was all she could see.
My point is this: at some point there is a moment of recognition and a moment of escape. Carrie called Aidan out on it so they could have the actual forgiveness conversation; Samantha cut her losses before that shoe hit the ground; and Charlotte…well she over-analyzed it while in Abu Dhabi but ultimately trusted her husband because the root of her issue didn’t stem from him, but from her friends warning her about the “Jude Law” (at least I think so. I didn’t like the second movie, so I didn’t watch it as much. I totally hope that’s what happened).
I remember being saddened once I found out she was married…that girl in the restaurant. I was discussing this with two of my closest friends, and decided that I wanted to warn her in some way. I wanted her to not become what she would despise. I was writing it on a napkin…”be careful.” I turned around to see how to give it to her, and they were gone. Who knows where. I hope they were going to have these conversations with someone else…their significant others (hopefully)… counselors… Iyanla… somebody! I didn’t want those two friends talk to give way to action that was not-so-friendly.
But I will tell you what I learned from the show and this situation – a lesson from each.
- Call it like you see it…you might even get some true forgiveness out of it.
- Know when to hold ’em, and know when to fold ’em. (this is not about towels)
- You should probably only trust details of your relationship to people who care as much about IT prospering as you do. This is different from people who care about you. Those can be opposites.
So what would you do if faced with the same situation, in any perspective? I’m curious. Let me know.
Love,
-V
Yep. I thought I told you that we won’t stop, I thought I told you that we won’t stop! *Insert random Diddy noises*
Hi.
Yep. A straight Scandal, Pope listening to the President speak words after being shot in the head response… “Hi.”
Yes I know I haven’t written since Valentine’s Day. And I know that I could have and didn’t. But since Luvvie is all rallying the writing troops for her #31WriteNow Challenge…it seemed as good a time as any to get back in the saddle.
For this month of August, I’m going to try to write a post everyday. It seems a good month to do it…I turn 30 this month. I’m entering a new decade. A new age box to check on surveys. A new mindset of things that creep into your head that you never gave more than a passing whim to before. The age group where you start thinking about your parents dying. Or what you want to happen to your career in real-time, not theory. If you think you could handle having an actual kid. Is there someone you could be with the rest of your life and make the new version of your family? Dude…just go running…it’s not about vanity anymore – it’s about health. Yeah, I’m not doing that………I’m about to be 30, and I’m saying no to that one. Why? Just because.
Those thoughts permeate my brain on a daily basis in one source or form or another. I’m reflective. I’m a creature of habit, so change is a big deal to me. But I’m also a Leo, so challenges aren’t. Let’s see if this month can help filter through the murkiness of my mind…not forgetting to nod to the pristine places too. Here we go…you in?
Love,
-V
Sex and the City Psychology 