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I had something all witty to write about that I had been planning out all day in my head. I log into WordPress and see “99 Posts”. Dang. So the next one will be 100? 100 should be celebrated. My wonderful Sorority turned 100 this year and shut. DC. Down. If someone lives to be 100…it seems like the whole country should sign a card or something. I’m always happy when I have 100 cents. I can get something from the vending machine (or at least I used to be able to…I mean what the heck is up with stuff costing $1.25?? Once I put a paper bill in, that should be the end of my transaction for something from the vending machine…seriously. But, I digress…). So it seems right that I should pause to celebrate my 100th post in all it’s 100ness by keeping it 100.

I’m happy.

Exceptionally happy. Beyonce singing Love on Top at the MTV Awards happy…minus the gut full of person part.

Just writing those words made me smile.

It had been a rough first quarter to the year. I am normally a very bubbly person. I talk a lot, even though I don’t like strangers. At the first of the year, I avoided conversation. I didn’t let a lot of people in. I felt like I was a broken record, even to my very close friends. And in my head, I know God is in control. I’ve read the Bible. Things work out in the most unexpected ways to the people there, and I have the benefit of knowing the end of their stories, so there was no way I was going to question the God I serve when I know He’d work it out. I couldn’t, however, control my emotions. Friends would ask what was wrong, and I’d offer a tearful vague reply. All that to say…rough first quarter.

Most of my close friends have moved either out of state or too far to claim they live in Atlanta. My family, while good, has their share of health issues that I constantly lift up in prayer, and my job is stressful.

But I’m happy. God has blessed me with my own little piece of happy. It’s like the best of every friend I’ve ever had, and all of what I’ve ever liked in any relationship…plus some.

I still get in my head about some things, and I still worry about the future in some ways, but I’m present in the moment and am sincerely enjoying being happy. It’s sometimes still foreign. I’d never felt it before. I’m used to it now. I hope to stay used to it.

So there’s some raw truth about me. Anything you want to share?

Love,

-V

(If you know where this title comes from…odds are, you might be awesome.)

A friend and I were having a conversation about love. No particular culprits, but just in general. Then, I started having a conversation with lots of people about love. We talked about how it seems that people are saying it quickly. And not just any people, but men. We were wondering what’s up with that? Hmm…

I remember that in my last relationship, I felt semblances of love at about the 2-3 month mark, but held it until he said it first (which I then found out later it didn’t really kick in until a lot later). Most people have been conditioned that love is a slow process, built up through time. Most times when people say love at first sight, it is accompanied by a few eyerolls, and possibly a “dude, really?”

Could it be that we, as a society, are conditioned to believe that if it is real, it has to come slowly? Even Romeo was cautioned by his own mentor to slow down, because “violent delights have violent ends”. Are we misinformed? A friend of mine told me that if he didn’t say it within the first month, it was because it wasn’t there, and no amount of time would make it appear. He also said that men waiting forever to say it are generally doing so “out of obligation and time spent, not actual feeling. Long drawn-out relationships indicate that you are not the one. If you were, I’d be acting.”

Ouch. Hmm.

In Season 2, Episode 10 (“The Caste System”), Carrie told Big that she loved him. He had done nothing special, and had given her possibly the ugliest purse known to humankind. Within that moment, she felt compelled to share her sentiments. He clearly looked uncomfortable, cleared his throat, and said “Well,…um…you’re welcome. I’ll wait for you outside.” Carrie decided that if he didn’t return the sentiment within a week, the relationship would end. So, was that evidence that he was not the one? That he was only enjoying her company, but never saw a future with her beyond the time they were spending?

Another friend and I were talking about the hybrid of women who were constantly putting emotional responses on a back burner: possibly from home-teachings or being burned in past relationships. Is it wrong? Are we too controlled with our emotions now? Women can separate the act of sex from feeling…at least it’s what they’re telling themselves for now. They assert that they can share their thoughts and their time without emotional ties. Are we performing emotional lobotomies? Are women now making love a choice?

What do you think?

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