You are currently browsing the monthly archive for February 2011.

FYI (since I talked about it last week)…today would’ve been my six year anniversary. Um…in the words of Jay-Z, that “only gets half a bar…” (I only really remember this because I have a great memory. I found a girl I went to elementary school with in the checkout line at Kroger the other day. I literally have not seen her, or a picture of her since 1993.)

Anyway, this past weekend I took a mini-vacation with my friends. We went to Panama City Beach and truly had a wonderful time. The lack of posting was due to all the schoolwork I needed to do during the week to be able to take off the weekend. It was wonderful. We jet-skiied. We parasailed (which was made of awesome). We went to the beach at the crack of dawn (yeah, I wasn’t happy about that one), played The Michael Jackson Experience on Wii, and came back playing Phase 10.

Sunset after Parasailing...God is the best artist.

Anyway, we do what we do best: talk. We have conversation after conversation. Some of it is silly yet profound, like using Finding Nemo as the basis to why women aren’t submissive, and why some parents seem to baby or attempt to enable their kids instead of preparing them for the future (Yeah, this conversation really happened). Sometimes it’s Pinky and the Brain – our attempt to take over the world (for the better…improve it and whatnot). Often it’s about our faith, but a lot of the time it is about relationships.

We had this conversation about attitudes and relationships. One of my friends is of the opinion that women, people in general but mostly women, only have their hard-edged attitudes because they are not with their 11. I, at least currently, think that my mindset shapes my attitude or lack thereof. Do all of our theories on relationships only apply because we haven’t met a person to supersede our ideals, or would they be there regardless because of mentality? Is it the man, or the mirror? Hmm…

Remember this convo?

Carrie: Do you remember how Big used to keep me away from his mother, like I was some kind of leper?
Miranda: I remember.
Carrie: And how pissed it used to make me?
Miranda: I remember!
Carrie: Well now, Aidan’s offering up both his parents on a silver platter, and I’m not sure I want to meet them.

Carrie did this in her first go round with Aidan (Season 3, “Drama Queens). She was very weird with him for a time, and it’s mostly because the mentality created by Big and a bevy of other failed relationships conditioned her to be used to “the chase”. With him, at that time, it’s was nothing but calm seas and not a cloud in sight. He wanted her to meet his parents, and she thought that it was too much, too soon. Is this really her inner self telling her that he was not “The One”, or her conditioning that if she tries for this, she’ll only end up hurt like she was with Big (who was completely uncomfortable with the thought of her and his mother sharing the same air).

It’s a crapshoot for me, but I’m leaning towards mental conditioning rather than the man. What say you?

Love,

–V

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A random conversation with a co-worker brought this on. I was discussing with her how I’d visited my ex’s mom because she has done my taxes for the past four years, and told me that she would continue to do so (yes!). This was generally a recount of my weekend, and she said “Wow…are you proud of yourself for getting through that situation? I mean, I am exceptionally proud of you. You have come so long…how long has it been?”

That question right there caused me to turn on the calculator in my head. And I realized…

Today…makes exactly one year since my breakup. Like…exactly. I only remember because we broke up one week shy of our 5 year anniversary, and the 28th is next Monday.

I shared this with her, how proud of myself I’d become. The things I’d done. The people I’ve met and relationships I’d built that never would’ve been. And I told her that besides God, my family and close friends…I can only thank one other entity…

Maybelline Colossal Mascara.

Now hear me out.

Yes, I’d done a lot of praying. I’d shopped. I’d spent time with my family who checked on me. My friends consistently kept me uplifting. Jazmine Sullivan was my homegirl. But none of those things affected my overall view of what I thought I’d lost than Maybelline Colossal Mascara.

See, the deal was that even though I’d make it through day by day (I remember reading Jozen Cummings reply to another reader on how to get over a breakup by saying “Wake up. Eat. Live. Go to sleep. Repeat. Other than that, You’ve got me.”), I was still sad. It was palpable. I know I got closer to God and to a few of my friends (Shouts out to Seattle!! 🙂 ), but when I was alone, it wasn’t enough to stop the emotional overload.

Until the day I couldn’t put on mascara.

I’ll never forget that morning.

I had dragged myself out of bed. I’d found an outfit. I didn’t have the energy to do much makeup, so I figured I’d do a little mascara, lipgloss and go so I wouldn’t look how I felt. Well, because of my crying, my eyelids were so swollen that my lashes literallly laid against them. When I realized this, and saw the mascara wand effectively coating my lashes and my eyelid simultaneously, I yelled…yes, yelled (and sorry, this is what I said)

“WHAT THE F*CK!!?!????!?? Oh………HELL naw!”

And that day forward, I decided I would not have another crying bout. Yes, I may get sad. I might even get lonely…but tears stop now. A few times I’d get watery-eyed, and remember my Martin Lawrence-esque eyelids (after that fight…remember that episode?), and suck it up. I would move forward because I was awesome…even if one person didn’t see it. But no one else would if my eyes were so big that my lashes stood upright.

When Carrie broke up with Big, at the start of Season 2, she would avoid anywhere she might run into him. With that being said…I refused to avoid mascara. AND…a few weeks before that, I had just bought and opened a Dior Iconic Mascara…that’s $28 I’d have been wasting! Not the kid.

So, thank you God, Mom, Daddy, brothers and sister, great friends, and Maybelline Colossal Mascara. I wouldn’t have made it without you. And honestly, if not for that question, I would have forgotten…which is a testimony in and of itself. 😉

I hope you all had wonderful days!

Love,

–V

It is an absolutely BEE-U-TEE-FUL day in Atlanta, Georgia!! It is 75 degrees and sunny…a great day to have your toes out (provided that they are painted, lol).

Today, I have painted my toes (Mod About You, OPI), gone shopping, finished a half of a paper, and gone to a rehearsal and to corporate prayer. I need to nap and rework my hair (it and I are not getting along right now :\).

I really have everything and nothing to write about, so I am simply hoping that your weekend is going wonderfully. Mine is exceptionally busy, but I am happy that the weather is so wonderful…especially after our Snowpocalypse, and endless rainy weeks. Go get a snow cone and some crawfish for me if you’re in Louisiana! 🙂

Put your sunshades on, and have a great day!

Love,

–V

First things first…I’ll let you guys know that I had an awesome Valentine’s Day. Thanks for the wishes I received! I was very much so impressed…he did good 🙂

Now, this blog was inspired by my best friend who has had nuggets for the past few days that I have kept me doubled-over in laughter. We were having a conversation about my sister and the subject of romantic possibilities came up. I said, “There are obviously people interested in her, but to me they’re a bit lame.” Her response?

“Of course they’re lame! Your sister is like awesome…a complete package. People with their stuff together think out the details before they approach someone. All these dorks are going to be like, ‘wooooooo! Let me try to get on it and upgrade myself!’ Bring on the idiots!”

After I stopped crying, I got to thinking…where do the lames get their confidence? And even more so, what would happen if we attempt to change them?

Now, let me clarify. I’m considering lame to be something that is unattractive to 95% of the datable world, i.e. bad breath, braids when you are balding, illiterate and proud, sweaters tucked into white socks with black dress shoes and high waters, etc… I am not talking about idiosyncracies that might not be my style (like being a Gucci Mane fan), but would be good to a whole slew of other people.

VerySmartBrothas, a favorite blog of mine, had a post today about being interested in folks who aren’t interested in you. This reminded me of Season 1, “The Turtle and the Hare”, when Samantha was continually approached by “The Turtle” (I want to say his name was Danny Turtletop, but I could be wrong) for a date. Samantha began seeing some guy who walks away from her mid-date because he saw someone else who caught his eye. When Samantha was about to leave seeing as her ego had taken a crushing blow, The Turtle gives her the affection she needed in that moment. She decides she’ll make him a guy she wants to be with instead of pining away for the guy who rejected her. (Yeah…Samantha doesn’t pine. Whatever.)

Now see, The Turtle had a few issues: he was balding (not an issue to me, but it was mentioned quite often by the ladies on the show in reference to men), had weird conversation and habits (trying to figure out the exact ingredients of dinner dishes), and above all? His breath stank. Reeked. Badly. He had horrible pick up lines (“Do you like this shirt? My…ex-girlfriend picked it out.”), and seemed to be just generally awkward. When Samantha mentioned his herb-induced stank breath, he just made a joke after his explanation, and kept it moving. He didn’t have any pretension, and she liked that about him. So after a shopping spree and a facial…viola! A (sorta) new man.

Carrie couldn’t believe it! Why would her friend subject herself to such a man? Was it shallow of Carrie? Was it mean of Samantha not to accept him how he was? The thing is, first impressions can be deceiving. Not judging a book by its cover and whatnot. However, no matter the cover of the book, you can’t change the pages. The Turtle was still himself…awkward and slightly weird, and eventually it never worked for Samantha. I know plenty of people who will try to change a won’t to a will. It has never worked for them.

There has been a time or four where a guy (or girl for the fellas) has been interested, and you couldn’t fathom it. How do you handle this? Do you give it a go? Do you stand firmly on your no? (Hey, I rhymed. Double points.) Do you use it as an experiment? For me, I’ll befriend anyone who I genuinely like as a person (cute or not, if I don’t mesh with you, I won’t stand around to see if I do), but that doesn’t mean it’ll go romantic. But if it just becomes weird and uncomfortable, I’ll just distance myself.  What about you?

Love,

-V

P.S. The word tortoise looks like it is always spelled wrong. For some reason I want it to have a U in it, lol.

P.P.S. No shade to anyone who has bad breath, braids when you are balding, illiterate and proud, sweaters tucked into white socks with black dress shoes and high waters. You need love too. And I’d still like to know where that confidence comes from, lol

In honor of Aphrodite’s son’s day of work, I decided to marry this holiday with some of my favorite dates from Sex and the City, so here we go. Here are some ways to spend this day of love with your beaux, your friends, or yourself!

With a Boo

1. Go to an arcade: (Hot Child in the City, Season 3) Carrie and her comic book store owning friend, Wade Adams, spent a hot New York summer evening at an arcade. They had fun, and even used his scooter. “Wooo…look at me! I’m scooting in heels!”

2. Evening of Jazz: (Defining Moments, Season 4) Carrie and Big often went to the Blue Note to just hang as friends. That doesn’t mean it can’t be a romantic encounter for two! And, if push comes to shove, shove comes to a fist fight, and fist fight turns into a bar brawl…just look for cute bass players. Carrie did 😉 Just don’t have a menage a taxi.

3. Home Culinary Skills: (Sex and the City: The Movie) Big often cooked for Carrie…which works. Anyone, or both, can don the apron for the night. Why not look up a recipe online, and make it together.

Out with Friends

1. Attend a major event: (Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Season 2; Sex and the City: The Movie) If you and your friends don’t like the winged-arrowed one, why not head out somewhere with a large crowd? A concert, movie, or play would be a good evening out with the girls. Hey, go to an auction even…find a ring to buy yourself that’s “a little too much” (personality, not price. We are not living outside our means in 2011!)

2. Game Night: (Games People Play, Season 2) Why not round up your girls, or guys, or both, for a night of Phase 10, Taboo, Wii, or whatever. Whether you’re of the spades or bid whist generation, it’ll be fun!

3. Spa Day: (Attack of the 5’10” Woman, Season 3; The Caste System, Season 2) Carrie and her girls spent a day at the spa just hanging out. My friend and I did this once, and had a blast (minus a few sketchy moments, lol). I’m sure you can look online and find spas where you can go and enjoy the saunas, steamrooms, and whirlpools for less money.

Um…shopping goes without saying, right? lol

Solo

1. Go to a book reading: (The Big Journey, Season 5) This could also be done with friends, but either way, enjoy it! Even if you hear about a book reading and don’t want to stay, grab the book and your favorite take out, and go home for a nice relaxing evening.

2. Do something you’ve feared: (The Catch, Season 6) Never in my life would I have tried to be a trapeze artist, but what time like the present when the rest of the world is celebrating love? Fall in love with your adrenaline. If it was me, I’d probably try zip-lining. It looks fun, but terrifying!

3. Take a class to learn a skill. (Was it good for you?, Season 2) Charlotte got her friends to attend a class about improving her, um, horizontal skills, after a guy goes to sleep on her. Yeah…I’m not saying do that, but there are plenty of places where you can go and paint pottery, decorate a space, or learn how to do any number of things. Sometimes, it’s better, because you don’t have to worry about having talkative friends who make you miss hearing the directions!

I hope you are enjoying this day, no matter what. If you don’t have a someone special, I’m sure you have a few…namely great family and friends. And even if you’ve moved by yourself, you have at least someone special with you: yourself. My favorite sex and the city quote has to be from Season 6 Part 2, the final episode.

 

“The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself…and if you can find someone to love the you you love, well…that’s just fabulous.” –Carrie Bradshaw

Do you have any interesting date ideas? I’d like to know. Have an awesome day, wherever you are 🙂

Love,

-V

*Shout out to my cousin whose name IS Mary!*

Now, today, several of my friends called me difficult for “refusing to acknowledge my feelings” (their words, not mine). It was after a close male friend told me he would start to prepare my wedding poem, to which I said some variation of “kick rocks” (with love though). One friend in particular said, “You’re only doing this because you want to be contrary, just like ***** (the name of a friend who is apparently known for doing such)! You both will do the opposite of what people expect, just so you won’t be doing what people expect, even if it is the best thing for you!” This reminded me of Samantha and Smith Jerrod. When she hurt her ankle trying to dodge a dreaded hand-hold, people were trying to make her feel comfortable with something outside of her level of comfort (Season 6, “The Domino Effect”). Now, it’s obvious that holding someone’s hand is not that big of a decision, but it was Samantha’s decision to make. (Even though Smith insisted by telling her he had enough of that horse****, she did put parameters on the action, lol)

Boo on them.

First of all, this is not true for me in every area of my life. I am generally a rule-abider. Even at work when we had to take the true colors assessment, I was a green followed in one point by yellow. Ideally, I want things to go as they should go, whether it is with the crowd or against it. Going about things the right way is important to me.

Even in this area, people take the stance that this relationship is a good thing…which it very well may be. How-so-and-ever…it doesn’t make it right to do it by others time. It’s my own time and comfort that is important. And I figure, if he is patient and understanding of my reservations, then everyone else can wait too 😉 All I’m saying is that if you walk too fast, you might fall in a manhole, and not love like everyone else is thinking. There’s something to be said for caution…and it’s not just being contrary. The only person who knows what is comfortable for him or her is that person…herself.

Love,

-V

So, I was talking to my best friend today who I generally talk to about once a week because of the craziness of our schedules, and we talked about my last blog post. As I relayed the details of that event, as well as the details of my weekend, she said something that I found hilarious.

I told her that my friend had worked my nerves over the weekend, which he promptly followed up with the ability to quickly make me laugh. Jokingly, I said, “Yeah, I started laughing and he knew I was mad, but moreso because he broke me out of my madness. *giggle*…I hate him.” She said, “Got it, me too.” I told her that another friend believes that my feelings are running much deeper, but I am refusing to acknowledge such. She said, “Hey, I’m only willing to admit what you’re willing to admit. You’ll get there on your own time. So, right now, you hate him. Cool. We hate him.”

Those are ride-or-die friends, lol! I immediately started cracking up and told her that I would turn this into a blog. That’s one of the things that’s great about friends…those whom you speak with on a daily, or once a week, or once a month or three: They’re willing to back you up. They’ll tell you the truth, but they’ll be saying it from your corner. It reminds me of when Miranda held Carrie’s hair when she threw up after seeing Big in the Hampton’s with Natasha (Season 2, “Twenty-Something Girls vs Thirty-Something Women”). Matter of fact…there are several Miranda and Carrie instances like this. A favorite of mine is when Carrie made Miranda back away from the icing when she accidentally volunteered to finish birthday cupcakes for Steve’s then girlfriend Debbie (Season 6, “Lights, Camera, Relationship!”)

Don’t you love those friends who will tell you that you need to stop shopping, but still accompany you to the mall? I’m just saying…they’re priceless 🙂

I hope you have a few…or 6 😉

Love,

–V

"Unfortunately, having a man leave me for Paris was not foreign to me..." --C.B.

It’s a weird moment in most relationships where you see glimpses of the past. Scrooge de la Bradshaw if you will. This happened to Carrie in “Splat!” (Season 6). Carrie was not even aware that her then love, Aleksandr Petrovsky had a show in Paris upcoming, so when he made mention that he would be leaving, she instantly went to the past. I imagine that she braced herself not for what Alek himself would do, but what she remembered from Big. Not the emotions that Alek caused, but the emotions leftover from Big’s “abandonment” (which is debatable, depending on who you’re talking to). I imagine that she processed and prepared not based on who Alek was, but who she knew Big to be. Paris was a sore spot – one that stung – and she was ready for the doom to follow.

It was to Carrie’s surprise that Alek wanted her to come with him. She responded, “Oh………….OH!” Pure surprise. Completely different waters. How often has this happened to us though? Have you been in a situation where someone new seems to walk like a duck, and quack like a duck, and turned out it was a bunny? (I know this seems illogical, but just go with me here, lol). This happened this past weekend for me.

I was with my friend, and the conversation went in such a way that I felt like he was rushing me out because his friend was about to arrive, so that they could go out. Immediately, I went to my past. My mind began clicking and the wheels began turning. You know, “Why do I have to leave if you’re just hanging out with your boys!? You must think I’m Boo-Boo the fool! 👿 ” …but all in your head. Then with your best apathetic gesture, you leave, not caring if you ever see or hear from said person again. To me, that action was moving to Paris. I prepared for what the former did, not the present.

Because I am so introspective, (and also because shopping helps me to think, which I did immediately after leaving), I recognized what angered me. Yeah, I still didn’t appreciate being hustled out, perceived or otherwise, but it wasn’t the end of the world. It was my “Oh………….OH!” moment. I apologized for my attitude in that moment, and we were able to communicate…and all thanks to shopping (lol).

So here is my new personal rule: 💡 when I get mad at a guy friend, I need to make sure I’m mad at him, and not at my ex. #notetoself

Have you ever had a “Paris” deja vu? Did you handle it well? I’d like to know. 🙂

Love,

–V

P.S. Congrats to the Packers! I was going for the Steelers, only because I didn’t have a dog in the fight, and because I like Troy Polamalu’s hair, lol.

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