Skeptical Optimist? It could happen… (or maybe not)

Someone called me a skeptic recently.

I have never been called a skeptic by anyone. In my life. Ever. (Well, I guess until recently.)

That has never been me. I’m Miss Optimistic. The sunny side of life. Even if it ain’t sunny, hey, I ain’t complainin’. I’m in the rain doing a buck-forty, hydroplanin’. (If you get that…I love you. +10)

You catch my drift though.

I’ve always had the type of mindset that thought the best of anyone I met, because I figured there was no way they could get to know me and intend to do me harm…right? The more I thought about it, the more I realized … He’s right. I am. A skeptic. At least I am now. I can add it to the list of Learned Behaviors (along with something else I won’t mention here).

I’ve found that the closer someone gets to me, the more my expectations lower. I brace. Wait for the blow. The other shoe will fall any minute now. It reminds me of Miranda when she first met Steve (Season 2, “The Man, The Myth, the Viagra). He wanted to stay around. She pushed him away. He worked harder to be in her life, and each time she fought harder to maintain distance. When he asked why, what was her response? “I guess I’ve just kissed too many bartenders.”

Miranda never considered he could be different. At least not for real. She knew he was saying something that someone “different” might say. Maybe even doing something that someone “different” might do. But to her, he looked the same. The same as every other one who had let her down. Who had said something different before. Who had done something different before. Eventually…it worked out for her. This moment started it…remember?

“…maybe I can believe it…”

I don’t like it. I’m not okay with being afraid of the next hurt, but I’m also not okay with being so trusting that I become the fool each time. So what’s the middle ground? Skeptical Optimist? Optimistic Skeptic? I remember when Charlotte had that feeling after she and Trey divorced. I understood that place of feeling lost. More than I want to share.

What about you? Have you been in that place? Did you pull yourself out? Did you go for broke and trust? Are you there and okay with it? Let me know, but not right now…because Scandal is about to start. …like, right now. 😉

Love,

–V

This Guy: The One That Got Away…

Chris Rock said it best in “Never Scared”…the number one reason why your girlfriend or wife is mad at you is because you “ain’t her first choice!!” Many women laughed (or chuckled under their breath) at this, because in many cases it is true. It may not remain true for always, but at some point, it may have been true.

So how do you know “The One That Got Away?” It’s the guy you think about when things are rocky. It’s the guy of whom you still have the fondest memories. And, he may not have earned the title “The One Who Got Away” because you broke up with him thinking that there was something better, or because you wronged him in some way (though this is the most common way). It could have been timing, distance, etc… I remember the moment I realized when an old friend was the one who got away. It was the night I received a text from him and he wanted to share with me his happiness that he was engaged because his then girlfriend, now wife, said yes! I was sitting next to my ex (at that point, we had been together for three years), read the text, responded with a “Congratulations friend! I’m so happy for you!!!”, went into the bathroom, and cried my little heart out.

I was hurt. I can say it was because they were engaged and I still was not. I can even say it’s because you always want to have better relationship news than any ex-whatever. But, I know it was because I knew I considered him “The One That Got Away.”

Now, I probably won’t always feel that way, but at the time I did. I had the fondest memories of us sitting in the library, studying during prime “hangout at the union” hours at my colleagiate alma mater, or him convincing me to skip class because I had such horrible cramps so he could take me out for ice cream. I even remember the horrified (yet cute) look on his face when I enlightened him on some roaches ability to fly. I could probably continue to list things that still make me smile to this day…which is even more evidence about the then impending doom. *smh*

Carrie had her “face the one who got away” moment in Season 6, running from seeing Berger only to run into the one who got away…twice. She had to face the guy who was probably the sweetest to her overall, Aidan. And his baby. And his wife. Miranda wanted to tell Steve she loved him, only to have him let her know she didn’t have to worry about him crowding her anymore because he was dating someone else, and he “wasn’t in love with her anymore.” Even Charlotte’s big ego almost cost her Harry.

So do you have a one that got away? Were you the one that got away…i.e. Someone’s “Song Cry”? I’ve experienced both. The former sucks a lot worse than the latter.

Walking away from the life that could've been yours...

Love,

-V