Never Been Dated

Before I write anything else for this blog, I want to acknowledge the victims of the Newtown, CT senseless tragedy. As an educator, I know my high school students try to harm themselves day in and day out, but I would not allow someone else to harm them. So, as I mentioned on the day of the tragedy, I don’t know which thing I would’ve been doing last Friday if I worked there: praying to Jesus or meeting Him firsthand.

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Normally, when men and women talk, the topic eventually moves to relationships. I was watching a few episodes of Sex and the City (just random ones, like when Carrie went on her coffee “simu-date” to calm down for her date with Berger [Season 6]) I was interested in simply watching the types of dates on which the ladies went. And while I have already talked about gifting in relationships, there is a close cousin thereof and that is the “date” itself.

I don’t think I’ve ever been on an original date. Well, let me rephrase…I don’t think I’ve been on an original date with someone I was actually dating. Most of the dates I’ve been on have been the typical dinner and/or movie variety. Especially not one that I didn’t pre-beg ask to go on or pay for myself. And even then, there are some things I still haven’t done even after specifically asking.

I’m going to share things I’ve never done, considering I live in Atlanta, which has no shortage of attractions:

1. Starbucks. You know how the learn-ed always talk about going to Starbucks to hang out, drink coffee/tea/lattes so that they can get to know someone? Never happened. I’ll lump the Barnes and Noble experience in here too…it’s pretty much the same thing.

2. Sporting Event. Now, I have gone to a football game with my ex, but it doesn’t count. We only went because one of my close friends plays for the Cowboys, and they were playing the Falcons so I had tickets. But just going? Nope. And there are 4 professional sports teams in this city. I mentioned to a friend of mine that the only time I had been in Philips Arena was for a Jay-Z concert. He found that unacceptable, lol

3. Picnic. You know, where someone plans a specific time to go out eating in a park or something. Nope. Never. And I’ve imagined it several times.

4. *Play or Theatre. I went to see the Lion King, but I paid for it. And it was my idea. Does that count? I’m thinking no.

5. Jazz Club/Poetry Bar. I sing. I teach English. I write. But nope…never.

And I hear these are typical date spots. *kanye shrug* I wouldn’t know. I’ve been to the Aquarium, but anyone who has known me for awhile (or been in my house) knows that I love dolphins. I haven’t been since they’ve had the dolphin show. I’m not talking the infamous twitter $200 date debacle… I’m just saying, the next person I date, I want them to be thoughtful enough to pay enough attention to be original. I guess until then, I’m taking myself to Dialogue in the Dark or Cirque du Soleil.

What were your best dates? What about dates you feel you should’ve been on by now (or is that just me)? You know I want to know 😛

Love,

–V

Trust Me

Hey folks!.

Okay seriously? I know, I know. I can’t promise when I will blog…I can only promise that I will.

Now, on to the show.

One of my favorite cautionary quotes is “Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it’s broken, but you’ll still see the cracks in the reflection.” (That dang on Lady GaGa, lol. This is paraphrased to take out the curse word, but you get the point.) It has gotten me to thinking over the past few months days. Can you actually rebuild trust?

There have been times I’ve forgiven people. A lot of times. But I notice that I still treat them who have recently been in car accidents and hear screeching noises: I tense up. Not physically, but emotionally. If you’ve lied to me, I question what you say. If you’ve let me down, I don’t depend on you. Sure, I’ve gotten past the actual infraction, but I’m not leaving myself open to a future one.

I found this interesting in Carrie more than any of the other girls. She seemed to trust Big implicitly. She went back to him, let’s see…1, 2, 3, 4, …5 times (or so…hmm…6 if you include the movie…more if you include little rendezvous…what the heck is the plural of rendezvous?? It already sounds plural. #englishteacherswag) throughout the course of the series. She seemed like she had forgotten the past at every encounter. However, in SATC: The Movie, she literally went from

to….

…within a 24 hour period. Now granted, you jilt me…you better HOPE all I have at my disposal are flowers. BUT…what got me was her statement: “I knew you would do this to me! I knew it!” Seems all wasn’t forgotten. His past mistakes/decisions/let downs came rushing back in that statement. In that statement, there wasn’t surprise. There was confirmation.

Miranda and Steve met on the Brooklyn Bridge to show that trust would be restored………………..but they never quite returned to that storyline at all in the second movie to explore. I wonder if she would’ve ever done a phone blow-up on a night when it seemed he was taking too long to come home from the bar after that.

I want to say that I can refill trust…but at most, I think I have a 90% trust refund. That capacity diminishes by double the previous with every infraction. And, I’m pretty forgiving. I get mad at myself when I feel like I’ve gotten “un-angry” too quickly. But, that forgetting is a different ball game. It’s like even when I think I can, my head gives my heart a side-eye like, “Really? Really dude?”

So what say you? Can trust be repaired completely? Or does the party seeking restoration of trust have to live with the diminished capacity? Or…is time the necessary factor, but the length of time is indeterminable? What say you?

Love,

–V

Exit Strategy

We’ve all been there (probably).

Been out with someone, and within fifteen minutes were thinking, “I could be doing something more important with my life right now, like counting ceiling tiles.” Guys generally end the evening. We girls, however, don’t do it that easily.

We have a plan.

This plan usually involves another friend, a phone call, a specific time frame (i.e. 15 minutes, or 9:42pm), a story that includes a flat tire or a possibly abusive boyfriend/end of a relationship, and an immediate emergency that only the person on the date can handle.

And we’re proud of it.

I was talking to a good friend of mine over the weekend as she was driving home from her hair appointment, and she was telling me about this guy she was spending time with who all of a sudden started irritating her. She said, “Girl! I texted my friend and said to call me with an emergency in fifteen minutes. It was bad because she was saying crazy stuff and I was trying not to laugh and blow my cover!”

This reminded me of Season 5 (Hop, Skip, and a Week) when Carrie and Berger went out to eat, and were sitting down less than 10 seconds when Charlotte burst out of nowhere. She was freaking out because she was on a horrible blind date and had to get out of there. She asked Carrie to call and say something bad happened so she could ditch dude. Of course, it worked. Berger, on the other hand, couldn’t figure out why she wouldn’t just end the date.

Why is that? If a guy isn’t feeling a girl he’s out with, I doubt he is texting his homeboy to bail him out. (But if you are, please let me know. I’ll happily edit this.) He’ll just talk to him later, starting the conversation with “You won’t believe this chick I went out with! She *insert random stalkerish-crazy-idiotic-ignorant behavior*! I won’t be talking to her anymore…unless she is gonna give me some.”

I have some stories. A friend of mine once asked me to call her, and the story I told her was pretty good. She started crying (for effect) and eventually cried for real (it took her a while to stop). saying that the story made her think of a past relationship. I told her, “Dude. It didn’t really happen.” The guy called her all night (literally…every. 25. minutes.) trying to make sure she was okay. I’m pretty sure it had the opposite effect than what she was going for.

I even remember preventative escape plan stories. One of my favorite “bonding” moments with my linesister Alisha was in college, and it was a bunch of us in my dormroom. She said she was at a party, and some random guy she was talking to earlier called her to see where she was. I guess she wasn’t feeling him, and she said, “See, I was slick. I told him I was outside on the left side…but I was outside on the right side.” We all cracked up (Maybe you had to be there…or know how Alisha talks for this to be funny, but trust me, it was hilarious at 3 in the morning… #memories).

Do you have any exit strategy stories? I’d like to hear them!

Love,

-V