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Yep…I didn’t complete the #31WriteNow challenge…but more on that another day. Today I want to talk about what has been on my mind all day.

One of my favorite (non-hair) blogs is VerySmartBrothas. Last week, one of the site’s contributors shared a 100-word insight on love that he originally posted on another blog.

Please go read it. I’ll wait…..

Read it? Good.

Language aside, it was one of the most poignant and truthful things I’ve ever read. I can completely understand. One of the things I’ve found that came with this all-encompassing happiness from the relationship I’m in wais an ever-present dreading. It feels scary to love someone so much that you become obsessed over how you would deal if they were no longer there. I literally think things such as, “A random drunk driver could change my life and I don’t know how I’d bear it.”

That sucks.

It’s like, I could have an awesome day, a wonderful weekend, and as I’m thinking about it in happiness, this random thought creeps in where if he says he’s about to run to the store for peppermints, I’m dang near hyperventilating. What the what??! This has never happened before. I understood concern for someone taking flights (“Text AS SOON AS you land!!”) or road trips (“Stop texting me and drive!!”), but I’ve never been concerned about Target. Or an outside run. Or lunch (who knows what really leads to cancer these days…). It’s mind-boggling.

What amazes me is that I’ve been in four relationships before now…only two of those being serious…and I’ve never felt this way before. I’d never had this level of concern. Yeah, everyone gets the obligatory “be careful” if they are doing things that requires carefulness, but not the “Please don’t fall getting out of the shower and hit your head on the toilet and black out” type of concern. I imagine that new parents feel the same way.

the-domino-effect-1024In Season 6, “The Domino Effect”, Carrie spends an evening with a visiting Big. He mentions over dinner that he’s in town for heart surgery, and without controlling it, she bursts into tears. It happened again when she visited him in the hospital, and again when she mentioned the reason for his visit to her friends. It was probably the most telling of any relationship she’d ever been in…and she technically wasn’t in one then. She genuinely cared, and the thought that something could happen to him had shaken her to her core. She normally only reserved that type of emotion for the girls. But Big was Big. And he got in. Even though the end of the episode left a lot to be desired on her part, Carrie knew where her feelings were…where they always had been.

I’ll say this, it’s not my hope to start worrying about if caterpillars will mutate and suck the life out of my beloved, but I do know that this is a tell for how much he means to me. Only God can protect him, so I have to let Him do just that. But, one of the best feelings in the world is when I see him walk in the door, and I know he’s safe……………. and with me.

Have you ever experienced this? WHY DIDN’T YOU WARN ME?? How did you handle it? Let me know!

Love,

–V

I had absolutely nothing to write today. I was thinking hard. Because I had a great weekend celebrating my birthday, I wasn’t really focused on finding connections. And also…I was cheating on Carrie with the new love of my life – Olivia Pope. BET showed a Scandal marathon, and I got caught up in it. It was like Law and Order for a second…if I didn’t hurry and change the channel, I was going to get caught up for the next 14 hours and miss my birthday dinner, lol. But as I re-watched Season 1 on Saturday and parts of SATC2 tonight to try and find inspiration for something to write, I realized something: Carrie and Olivia have a few things in common.

carrie2satc_468x500scandal1

 

These are two seemingly very different women in exponentially different personal spheres. What could they have in common? Here is what I thought: First, they use their avenues of influence as personal therapy. Carrie’s column took the brunt of most of her “in my head” analyzing. Olivia’s relationship issues turned out to be her best advice to her clients. Everyone remembers the advice of the century to the guy who was in love with his brother’s wife…and the best line ever?

scandalstolenmoments“Stolen moments aren’t a life.”

I remember saying out loud, “Encourage yourself, girl…speak over yourself.” Then I thought…it’s very similar to what Carrie said to Aidan when he realized she was “cheating”. Cigarettes became the allegorical symbol for her infidelity.

Second, neither of them could make what they knew was right stick. How many times did both Carrie/Olivia say they were done with Big/Fitz? Eventually, Carrie and Big married, but when things got too happy and comfortable, she lived for the spice up. They made an entire storyline out of that for the Sex and the City 2 movie (Really? She was bored. That was all that happened for her in the second movie. She was bored.) For different reasons, Olivia won’t let she and Fitz get to their happily ever after. She pulls out at the end each time. I’m pretty sure this just makes the show work, but work with me here.

Third, even with the ideas of their fathers, I remember when the guy who worked with Carrie at Vogue told her she spends her whole life asking questions about men because her father left without answers (Season 4, “A Vogue Idea”). I wonder how Olivia’s relationship with Rowan affects how she interacts with guys. She couldn’t make the relationship with Edison work. You could argue that he was like Carrie’s Aidan. Additionally, you can’t refute the effect that both shows have had on women. Pope’s power is the new Carrie’s fashion. I swear when I went to DC this summer, I just wanted a white coat so I could walk around posing by things. With gloves. Totally with gloves. In a heat wave. That’s the kind of nerd I am.

scandalLastly, the thing they have most in common is that they are flawed. Very flawed. Carrie is there for her friends, she’s a successful writer, and had wonderful shoes…but she didn’t have the greatest moral compass. Same with Pope…smart and powerful with a fly wardrobe, loves the family she created at OPA, but finds it exceedingly difficult to turn away from One Minute moments. Olivia’s very emotion-filled “I don’t show up to places just because you want me,” was convincing, but short-lived. Same with Carrie’s “You can drive up this street all you want because I DON’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE!” (Season Six Part 2, “An American Girl in Paris – part une”) only to find herself laughing with him on the floor of a Parisian hotel.  That’s women. That’s people. We are flawed. We’ve announced to the world, our friends, or at least to ourselves that we are done with some person/place/thing only to answer a text, be caught in an Instagram photo, or have it in our hands again. we mess up. Maybe not on the scales that get to be discussed incessantly by bystanders who claim they’d NEVER be in that situation, but we do.

I couldn’t help but draw comparisons between two of the most discussed woman characters on television of past and present. I love both of the women, but I appreciate that the characters are flawed. That’s life. Big had to travel to Paris and Fitz had to wait out a clock, but the stories and cycles are similar.  I’m curious as to how Pope and Fitz’ stories will turn out. Carrie got married and her happy (ish) ending, but I doubt Shonda will let it be tied up with that pretty a bow.

Come on October 3rd.

Do you watch Scandal? Do you see any other comparisons? Shout ’em out.

Love,

-V

Today I was at work – minding my own business because I finished putting up my classroom decorations and completing my lesson plans – when I realized that my phone battery was getting low and decided to put it on the charger while I went to a round of afternoon meetings. I come back about an hour or so later to several notifications on my phone. I look at the various social media sites and see that I have a message from Patricia, the owner of GlobalCouture, a wonderful website that is about loving your own hair (She’d interviewed me earlier this summer). Her message said, “I have a surprise for you!!! You are featured on Curlynikki.com today!!!”

Shut. The. Front. Door.

I started pulling up everything I could. I was ecstatic. I’ve talked about my hair and the natural hair community here before, but I’ve never focused on this as a natural hair blog. This is just my way of combining my nerdy-fandom, love of writing, weirdly great memory, and favorite show in a therapeutic way. When I saw my feature, I can carriebradshaw460imagine how Carrie might’ve felt when she met her two fans in Paris (Season Season, Part 2, “An American Girl in Paris – part deux”). She was in a foreign land, wanting a bit of normal, and unknowingly walked into something that made her really happy.

When I saw my feature, I was so happy I yelled in my classroom, ran into the hallway to tell someone, but no one would know what I was talking about (Which is what I actually screamed, lol). That’s when I realized that most of my close friends either live away, moved away, or aren’t as easily accessible due to life changes. None of this is a bad thing, it’s just different. Similar to Carrie, she was excited to see her book in a window with no one with whom to share her glee. She had Petrovsky, but he didn’t understand the same way that her friends would.

I’m happy to have several differences from Carrie. My man is no Petrovsky, that’s for sure. He understood and was happy for me. And, my friends are a phone call away and I don’t even need a calling card. 😉 All in all…that’s a blessing. And I’m pretty sure it’s high on the non-romantic-interest best days ever of 2013.

carrieinparis

Have you had a day that you would consider epic? What happened?

Love,

-V

Before I write anything else for this blog, I want to acknowledge the victims of the Newtown, CT senseless tragedy. As an educator, I know my high school students try to harm themselves day in and day out, but I would not allow someone else to harm them. So, as I mentioned on the day of the tragedy, I don’t know which thing I would’ve been doing last Friday if I worked there: praying to Jesus or meeting Him firsthand.

—————————————-

ep51_carrie_bigNormally, when men and women talk, the topic eventually moves to relationships. I was watching a few episodes of Sex and the City (just random ones, like when Carrie went on her coffee “simu-date” to calm down for her date with Berger [Season 6]) I was interested in simply watching the types of dates on which the ladies went. And while I have already talked about gifting in relationships, there is a close cousin thereof and that is the “date” itself.

I don’t think I’ve ever been on an original date. Well, let me rephrase…I don’t think I’ve been on an original date with someone I was actually dating. Most of the dates I’ve been on have been the typical dinner and/or movie variety. Especially not one that I didn’t pre-beg ask to go on or pay for myself. And even then, there are some things I still haven’t done even after specifically asking.

I’m going to share things I’ve never done, considering I live in Atlanta, which has no shortage of attractions:

1. Starbucks. You know how the learn-ed always talk about going to Starbucks to hang out, drink coffee/tea/lattes so that they can get to know someone? Never happened. I’ll lump the Barnes and Noble experience in here too…it’s pretty much the same thing.

2. Sporting Event. Now, I have gone to a football game with my ex, but it doesn’t count. We only went because one of my close friends plays for the Cowboys, and they were playing the Falcons so I had tickets. But just going? Nope. And there are 4 professional sports teams in this city. I mentioned to a friend of mine that the only time I had been in Philips Arena was for a Jay-Z concert. He found that unacceptable, lol

3. Picnic. You know, where someone plans a specific time to go out eating in a park or something. Nope. Never. And I’ve imagined it several times.

4. *Play or Theatre. I went to see the Lion King, but I paid for it. And it was my idea. Does that count? I’m thinking no.

5. Jazz Club/Poetry Bar. I sing. I teach English. I write. But nope…never.

And I hear these are typical date spots. *kanye shrug* I wouldn’t know. I’ve been to the Aquarium, but anyone who has known me for awhile (or been in my house) knows that I love dolphins. I haven’t been since they’ve had the dolphin show. I’m not talking the infamous twitter $200 date debacle… I’m just saying, the next person I date, I want them to be thoughtful enough to pay enough attention to be original. I guess until then, I’m taking myself to Dialogue in the Dark or Cirque du Soleil.

What were your best dates? What about dates you feel you should’ve been on by now (or is that just me)? You know I want to know 😛

Love,

–V

Happy Holidays!

(I decided to go with Happy Holidays because I missed Thanksgiving but it’s not Christmas. Happy Holidays is a happy medium 🙂 )

So today, I have been thinking all day about putting up my Christmas tree, but it made me a little sad to think about putting it up alone. Let me give you a little background. Christmas is my favorite holiday. Besides the fact that it acknowledges the birth of my Lord and Saviour, the general time around Christmas makes me happy. There is a built-in “make me smile” factor that surrounds the Christmas season…twinkling lights, cinnamon-y smells, hot chocolate, beautiful decorations. I have happy memories related to Christmas though. Besides the fact that it was a time that I got to see most of my extended family (until we were all too old to stay in one house, so everyone would have to get hotels, lol), I remember a memory that always makes me happy.

My friend loved Christmas. I always liked the lights, but my mom was the kind of procrastinator that we’d be lucky if the tree was up by the 23rd. And since we normally went to another part of Louisiana for Christmas, so at best, we put cards up around the house and got a poinsettia. I didn’t have decorating memories. So during my sophomore year of college, he started sharing with me around Thanksgiving how excited he was about being able to decorate his (then, brand new) home for Christmas. He asked me to come with him to buy a tree and ornaments. I went, and he was like a big kid. He asked my opinion on which ornaments were nice, but not girly; If the tree was large enough (considering he was 6’4″…he didn’t want to be taller than the tree); if he needed two or three boxes of lights. He told me to go get cocoa while he grabbed Christmas mugs. We went back to his home and he found the 6 Christmas songs on his computer and put them on repeat. I remember that I sat on the couch to watch him “do his thing”. He said, “What are you doing??” I said, “Um…nothing.” He said, “Nooooo, you have to help. I’ll do the lights, and you decide which pretty ornaments go where, and then I’ll do all the fill-in ornaments.” He wanted me involved. And after it was done, he baked cookies (let me choose which ones I wanted first before he got his), made us hot chocolate in the new Christmas mugs, and then turned out the lights so he could light up the tree. He was so happy, lol. It was a good, dorky kind of happy that was infectious. He then thanked me for obliging him and sharing in his first home tree-trimming. And, I loved it just as much as he did. The event itself was nice, but I liked that he wanted me involved. And I ended up making him a cd with more than 6 songs, lol.

That next year, after doing the same thing, we went to the downtown display of Christmas lights. The streets were roped off, and you could walk block after block, stop at little shops, buy apple cider, etc… He wanted to do a little of everything. He was sad because he had just had shoulder surgery (he was a pitcher for my university’s baseball team) so he could only operate one arm, but he still enjoyed himself. He bought cider for us, and we walked all night until it closed, laughing at things (and people), and again, he thanked me for sharing the memories with him. It was that Christmas that we exchanged gifts. He got me a stuffed cocker spaniel puppy (I still love that thing, lol) and I got him a print of Muhammad Ali knocking out Frazier (which he loved).

Things between us changed after that, but we were always friends. I had relationships after that, and with each one I always wanted to cultivate something special. Something distinctly ours. Except…they were never interested. My five-year-relationship guy always seemed mildly annoyed when I wanted him to help me put up my tree, so I tried other things. None of them worked, and he never offered any suggestions. The only thing we did on a regular was visit his mom on Sundays, but nothing explicitly ours. He would say things like, “I thought about taking you to the jazz club.” “I thought about us driving to little cities around here to try whatever they were known for.” I literally begged for almost two years to go to Stone Mountain to see the laser show. I was so excited when I finally went, but he still had a mild indifference. I wanted to hold hands and share a blanket, but he brought a (single) folding chair, saying he thought the ground would be too hard (He said, “I know you have one…I thought you would’ve brought yours too. My bad”). I’m pretty sure that this constant (what I saw as) rejection created a layer that I started to stop asking or expecting moments that were “special”.

charlotte - harry - breakupSo when I say Un-tradition-al…I mean that the most meaningful experiences that set standards for things I’ve wanted were/are with people whom I could only call friends. It is with these people that I have the happiest memories. But the relationships I’ve had, they were all missing that something special. Even now, …well…nevermind. Just know that I have had more special moments recently that I have had in a long time … and it’s a friend. So I can imagine Charlotte’s dismay with Harry when he wanted to watch the baseball game after she had converted to Judaism and cooked a Shabbat meal. To him, he appreciated what she did, but it was another dinner during a game. To her, she was starting to create traditions with someone she cared about. Now, I can’t condone the statements she made to him afterwards, but I can understand (Season 6, “Pick a Little, Talk a Little”).

So, whether it was figuring out how to staple Christmas lights around your window without electrocuting anyone, or inadvertently creating a special language that only two people understand, traditions are nice. I hope that one day, I’ll have them with someone who’ll actually be with me.

Do you have any traditions you’d like to share? It’s the holidays, after all 😉

Love,

–V

P.S. No, my Christmas tree isn’t up. Not yet.

“Today, I had a thought: what if I had never met you?” –Carrie Bradshaw

I have always loved the “American Girl in Paris, Part Une” episode. Not just because of her big, “Big-you-can-suck-it” speech (which is awesome by the way…although I didn’t think she should’ve started running around the corner. Keeping the same pace would have had a better effect, but that could be just me), but because of the simple and real emotion that came from the “Last Supper” with her friends. All of them were visibly connected, and you could almost see them working out their emotions from having to adjust to not having a close friend physically near them.

Carrie asked the question quoted above, and that was all that was said. All of the women went on their own personal walk down memory lane, with no words. The eye contact between Carrie and each of her friends told the story. I can honestly say that I understand that now.

My friend is moving away. Do you know how long it takes to make a friend who you are finally comfortable enough to call and just say, “What ‘chu doing? Let’s watch tv.”? 2 years. Exactly two years. I met her last June during an educator’s conference that my church was holding, and saw her later at church with a Delta T-Shirt on. We began talking, more comfortable as Sorors, but then bonded as a part of a small knit group of friends. We ultimately became very close. One of my favorite pictures is of us parasailing (in the shades she stole from me…but that’s another issue, lol), and she is always the person ready to stop someone from doing something in anger that will have us on “The CNN”. She was one of the people ready to fight when I was hurt and hug when I was sad. I have two other single, close friends in Atlanta, and we are all equally as sad.

At the end of June, she got a job that will move her to Florida, and yesterday we held a going away party. My goal has been not to cry…especially not in public. I cried in public last month; this means that it cannot happen again until at least the end the September (I’m a G like that, lol). It was a great party, and I asked people to bring things that will remind her of them, or that remind them of her. My friends and I had to run from each other every time the emotions started to run high, because I refused to cry. Near the end of the night, while everyone was dispersing, either going home or playing games at D&B’s, one of the four said, “Let’s go to Pinkberry.” We said our goodbyes, and relocated.

As we sat down, I said, “This seems like Carrie’s last night, before she went to Paris.” Everyone agreed, and we locked eyes, and one person’s bottom lip started quivering. I said, “HEY! I’m not looking at you…but you better pull it together!” We kind of started laughing, with everyone looking away and trying to quell tears.Then the night just went on as normal, with us laughing and talking.

I will say this. I have never been so sad and happy…well, sort of. I’m not going to lie, more sad than happy. She is one of the first friends I made all on my own after all of my friends were based on my ex-boyfriend’s friends. Looking at Pinterest last night though, I found this:

I love my friends…no matter where they are. 🙂

Love,

–V

In honor of Aphrodite’s son’s day of work, I decided to marry this holiday with some of my favorite dates from Sex and the City, so here we go. Here are some ways to spend this day of love with your beaux, your friends, or yourself!

With a Boo

1. Go to an arcade: (Hot Child in the City, Season 3) Carrie and her comic book store owning friend, Wade Adams, spent a hot New York summer evening at an arcade. They had fun, and even used his scooter. “Wooo…look at me! I’m scooting in heels!”

2. Evening of Jazz: (Defining Moments, Season 4) Carrie and Big often went to the Blue Note to just hang as friends. That doesn’t mean it can’t be a romantic encounter for two! And, if push comes to shove, shove comes to a fist fight, and fist fight turns into a bar brawl…just look for cute bass players. Carrie did 😉 Just don’t have a menage a taxi.

3. Home Culinary Skills: (Sex and the City: The Movie) Big often cooked for Carrie…which works. Anyone, or both, can don the apron for the night. Why not look up a recipe online, and make it together.

Out with Friends

1. Attend a major event: (Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Season 2; Sex and the City: The Movie) If you and your friends don’t like the winged-arrowed one, why not head out somewhere with a large crowd? A concert, movie, or play would be a good evening out with the girls. Hey, go to an auction even…find a ring to buy yourself that’s “a little too much” (personality, not price. We are not living outside our means in 2011!)

2. Game Night: (Games People Play, Season 2) Why not round up your girls, or guys, or both, for a night of Phase 10, Taboo, Wii, or whatever. Whether you’re of the spades or bid whist generation, it’ll be fun!

3. Spa Day: (Attack of the 5’10” Woman, Season 3; The Caste System, Season 2) Carrie and her girls spent a day at the spa just hanging out. My friend and I did this once, and had a blast (minus a few sketchy moments, lol). I’m sure you can look online and find spas where you can go and enjoy the saunas, steamrooms, and whirlpools for less money.

Um…shopping goes without saying, right? lol

Solo

1. Go to a book reading: (The Big Journey, Season 5) This could also be done with friends, but either way, enjoy it! Even if you hear about a book reading and don’t want to stay, grab the book and your favorite take out, and go home for a nice relaxing evening.

2. Do something you’ve feared: (The Catch, Season 6) Never in my life would I have tried to be a trapeze artist, but what time like the present when the rest of the world is celebrating love? Fall in love with your adrenaline. If it was me, I’d probably try zip-lining. It looks fun, but terrifying!

3. Take a class to learn a skill. (Was it good for you?, Season 2) Charlotte got her friends to attend a class about improving her, um, horizontal skills, after a guy goes to sleep on her. Yeah…I’m not saying do that, but there are plenty of places where you can go and paint pottery, decorate a space, or learn how to do any number of things. Sometimes, it’s better, because you don’t have to worry about having talkative friends who make you miss hearing the directions!

I hope you are enjoying this day, no matter what. If you don’t have a someone special, I’m sure you have a few…namely great family and friends. And even if you’ve moved by yourself, you have at least someone special with you: yourself. My favorite sex and the city quote has to be from Season 6 Part 2, the final episode.

 

“The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself…and if you can find someone to love the you you love, well…that’s just fabulous.” –Carrie Bradshaw

Do you have any interesting date ideas? I’d like to know. Have an awesome day, wherever you are 🙂

Love,

-V

*Shout out to my cousin whose name IS Mary!*

Now, today, several of my friends called me difficult for “refusing to acknowledge my feelings” (their words, not mine). It was after a close male friend told me he would start to prepare my wedding poem, to which I said some variation of “kick rocks” (with love though). One friend in particular said, “You’re only doing this because you want to be contrary, just like ***** (the name of a friend who is apparently known for doing such)! You both will do the opposite of what people expect, just so you won’t be doing what people expect, even if it is the best thing for you!” This reminded me of Samantha and Smith Jerrod. When she hurt her ankle trying to dodge a dreaded hand-hold, people were trying to make her feel comfortable with something outside of her level of comfort (Season 6, “The Domino Effect”). Now, it’s obvious that holding someone’s hand is not that big of a decision, but it was Samantha’s decision to make. (Even though Smith insisted by telling her he had enough of that horse****, she did put parameters on the action, lol)

Boo on them.

First of all, this is not true for me in every area of my life. I am generally a rule-abider. Even at work when we had to take the true colors assessment, I was a green followed in one point by yellow. Ideally, I want things to go as they should go, whether it is with the crowd or against it. Going about things the right way is important to me.

Even in this area, people take the stance that this relationship is a good thing…which it very well may be. How-so-and-ever…it doesn’t make it right to do it by others time. It’s my own time and comfort that is important. And I figure, if he is patient and understanding of my reservations, then everyone else can wait too 😉 All I’m saying is that if you walk too fast, you might fall in a manhole, and not love like everyone else is thinking. There’s something to be said for caution…and it’s not just being contrary. The only person who knows what is comfortable for him or her is that person…herself.

Love,

-V

So, I was talking to my best friend today who I generally talk to about once a week because of the craziness of our schedules, and we talked about my last blog post. As I relayed the details of that event, as well as the details of my weekend, she said something that I found hilarious.

I told her that my friend had worked my nerves over the weekend, which he promptly followed up with the ability to quickly make me laugh. Jokingly, I said, “Yeah, I started laughing and he knew I was mad, but moreso because he broke me out of my madness. *giggle*…I hate him.” She said, “Got it, me too.” I told her that another friend believes that my feelings are running much deeper, but I am refusing to acknowledge such. She said, “Hey, I’m only willing to admit what you’re willing to admit. You’ll get there on your own time. So, right now, you hate him. Cool. We hate him.”

Those are ride-or-die friends, lol! I immediately started cracking up and told her that I would turn this into a blog. That’s one of the things that’s great about friends…those whom you speak with on a daily, or once a week, or once a month or three: They’re willing to back you up. They’ll tell you the truth, but they’ll be saying it from your corner. It reminds me of when Miranda held Carrie’s hair when she threw up after seeing Big in the Hampton’s with Natasha (Season 2, “Twenty-Something Girls vs Thirty-Something Women”). Matter of fact…there are several Miranda and Carrie instances like this. A favorite of mine is when Carrie made Miranda back away from the icing when she accidentally volunteered to finish birthday cupcakes for Steve’s then girlfriend Debbie (Season 6, “Lights, Camera, Relationship!”)

Don’t you love those friends who will tell you that you need to stop shopping, but still accompany you to the mall? I’m just saying…they’re priceless 🙂

I hope you have a few…or 6 😉

Love,

–V

"Unfortunately, having a man leave me for Paris was not foreign to me..." --C.B.

It’s a weird moment in most relationships where you see glimpses of the past. Scrooge de la Bradshaw if you will. This happened to Carrie in “Splat!” (Season 6). Carrie was not even aware that her then love, Aleksandr Petrovsky had a show in Paris upcoming, so when he made mention that he would be leaving, she instantly went to the past. I imagine that she braced herself not for what Alek himself would do, but what she remembered from Big. Not the emotions that Alek caused, but the emotions leftover from Big’s “abandonment” (which is debatable, depending on who you’re talking to). I imagine that she processed and prepared not based on who Alek was, but who she knew Big to be. Paris was a sore spot – one that stung – and she was ready for the doom to follow.

It was to Carrie’s surprise that Alek wanted her to come with him. She responded, “Oh………….OH!” Pure surprise. Completely different waters. How often has this happened to us though? Have you been in a situation where someone new seems to walk like a duck, and quack like a duck, and turned out it was a bunny? (I know this seems illogical, but just go with me here, lol). This happened this past weekend for me.

I was with my friend, and the conversation went in such a way that I felt like he was rushing me out because his friend was about to arrive, so that they could go out. Immediately, I went to my past. My mind began clicking and the wheels began turning. You know, “Why do I have to leave if you’re just hanging out with your boys!? You must think I’m Boo-Boo the fool! 👿 ” …but all in your head. Then with your best apathetic gesture, you leave, not caring if you ever see or hear from said person again. To me, that action was moving to Paris. I prepared for what the former did, not the present.

Because I am so introspective, (and also because shopping helps me to think, which I did immediately after leaving), I recognized what angered me. Yeah, I still didn’t appreciate being hustled out, perceived or otherwise, but it wasn’t the end of the world. It was my “Oh………….OH!” moment. I apologized for my attitude in that moment, and we were able to communicate…and all thanks to shopping (lol).

So here is my new personal rule: 💡 when I get mad at a guy friend, I need to make sure I’m mad at him, and not at my ex. #notetoself

Have you ever had a “Paris” deja vu? Did you handle it well? I’d like to know. 🙂

Love,

–V

P.S. Congrats to the Packers! I was going for the Steelers, only because I didn’t have a dog in the fight, and because I like Troy Polamalu’s hair, lol.

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