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I haven’t forgotten about you. Between turning 30 (which was awesome, and thank you so much for the spectacular well wishes!), work being back in session with a vengeance, a legion of meetings outside of my teaching responsibilities, church activities, and having the time to stop and enjoy my relationship…ya girl has been busy. And sleepy. Very very sleepy. So I took seven days off from writing, but I’m still here. Say, “Hello Atlanta!” Lol, 😉

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But trust me…I am still one happy girl. I’m happy with where I am. I’m typing this from my phone in a meeting, taking notes and asking questions, but still wanting to express myself. Yesterday, a friend sent a song to me that she said reminded her of myself and my road to 30. The song is “I Choose” by India.Arie. Check the chorus:
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Preach India! This reminded me of when Carrie turned 35 with a less than positive outlook. She had to admit something from her heart that her mind wished wasn’t truth: that she wanted a special man to celebrate with. Having her friends made her life wonderful, but they didn’t fill that companionship void. It wasn’t until Big showed up with champagne and red balloons that she felt better (here’s a Vivienne note: this is when I figured they would end up together. I’m pretty sure I’ll make this a post.)

Then I thought about when one of my closest friends turned 30. She wasn’t looking forward to it and she has a wonderful husband and beautiful children. However, her career wasn’t what she wanted. This is when it occurred to me that this song was relatable. Authenticity to who you are makes a difference. What is important to me may not be as valuable to someone else. But if it’s important to me…it’s important. Pretending it’s not just leaves feelings of discontentment. You can’t forget about yourself and YOUR values. And you can’t judge what’s important to you by what is important to others. Choose.

So… I’m choosing. Choosing to focus on being my best self. Choosing to want to be the best Vivienne, daughter, friend, girlfriend, future wife, and/or future mom that I can. Because I started thinking that way, I embraced 30 with open arms and snacks, lol. I love that life started falling into place and allowed me to see me clearly. I won’t forget about V.

Any areas where you’re choosing your best you…or want to? Share.

Love,
-V
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Hey folks!.

Okay seriously? I know, I know. I can’t promise when I will blog…I can only promise that I will.

Now, on to the show.

One of my favorite cautionary quotes is “Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it’s broken, but you’ll still see the cracks in the reflection.” (That dang on Lady GaGa, lol. This is paraphrased to take out the curse word, but you get the point.) It has gotten me to thinking over the past few months days. Can you actually rebuild trust?

There have been times I’ve forgiven people. A lot of times. But I notice that I still treat them who have recently been in car accidents and hear screeching noises: I tense up. Not physically, but emotionally. If you’ve lied to me, I question what you say. If you’ve let me down, I don’t depend on you. Sure, I’ve gotten past the actual infraction, but I’m not leaving myself open to a future one.

I found this interesting in Carrie more than any of the other girls. She seemed to trust Big implicitly. She went back to him, let’s see…1, 2, 3, 4, …5 times (or so…hmm…6 if you include the movie…more if you include little rendezvous…what the heck is the plural of rendezvous?? It already sounds plural. #englishteacherswag) throughout the course of the series. She seemed like she had forgotten the past at every encounter. However, in SATC: The Movie, she literally went from

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to….

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…within a 24 hour period. Now granted, you jilt me…you better HOPE all I have at my disposal are flowers. BUT…what got me was her statement: “I knew you would do this to me! I knew it!” Seems all wasn’t forgotten. His past mistakes/decisions/let downs came rushing back in that statement. In that statement, there wasn’t surprise. There was confirmation.

Miranda and Steve met on the Brooklyn Bridge to show that trust would be restored………………..but they never quite returned to that storyline at all in the second movie to explore. I wonder if she would’ve ever done a phone blow-up on a night when it seemed he was taking too long to come home from the bar after that.

I want to say that I can refill trust…but at most, I think I have a 90% trust refund. That capacity diminishes by double the previous with every infraction. And, I’m pretty forgiving. I get mad at myself when I feel like I’ve gotten “un-angry” too quickly. But, that forgetting is a different ball game. It’s like even when I think I can, my head gives my heart a side-eye like, “Really? Really dude?”

So what say you? Can trust be repaired completely? Or does the party seeking restoration of trust have to live with the diminished capacity? Or…is time the necessary factor, but the length of time is indeterminable? What say you?

Love,

–V

ImageOver the course of a few weeks, relationships have been the topic of discussion in my social circle. Not just for pleasure, but a few of us are working with our church to develop a curriculum for single Christians about dating. Our candid conversations and a few focus groups have somehow continually led back to a train of thought: is “the one” prepackaged, or must you create him/her?

Let me back up…the conversation really was about men and women having to be taught how to care about their mates. The question was, if it’s really the person for you, should you have to teach that stuff? Shouldn’t it be instinct? Chemistry? Prayers to baby Jesus and Mattel about the exact person for you?

I was watching the very first episode of Sex and the City a few weeks ago with a friend, and tonight with my boyfriend in various states of sleeping and waking on the couch. I remembered when I was watching with my friend, several blogging ideas popped into my head, but I couldn’t remember what they were. However, at about 10-13 minutes into the show, Samantha made a statement that popped out at me. Samantha and Miranda were doing their men aren’t worth it thing, and when Charlotte announced that giving up on love is sick, Carrie said, “Believe me, if the right guy comes along, all this these two are saying…out the window.” Samantha responded with “The right guy is an illusion, don’t you see?”

Whoa. Time out. Hmm…is she on to something? I think that’s about right. I don’t think any guy – or girl for that matter – comes with no assembling required. My male friends (boyfriend included) beg to differ. They tend to think that it should be effortless, no lessons, etc…

I think that both are true…there should be some instinctual characteristics that should be present from jump…personalization of said characteristics require training. For instance, I love when anyone I’m dating calls me to check on me and see how I’m doing just because he wants me to know he was thinking about me. I do not, however, like voicemails. Now, according to the guys in my circle, if he was really for me, he would instinctively know that, call me 3 times, and then leave a text. If he does, however, leave voicemails, it’s a sign it wasn’t meant to be! (This is hyperbole, but you get my drift.)

I do believe relationships take a bit of both. Characteristics are instinct, but personalization requires lessons…what say you?

Merry Christmas everyone. Happy Birthday Jesus (well…almost celebrated day of birth. It’s 10:55pm on the 24th.)

Love,

–V

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