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Butterflies… Stomach Flips… All used to describe the happy anxiousness that is the crossroads of something you’re looking forward to with the unknown. Carrie called is Zsa Zsa Zsu at the end of Season 5 (“I Love a Charade”). She describes it as the feeling you get when you meet someone you really really like. That sort of lovey, butterflies feeling when you just want to be with someone. Her actual quote was:

zsa-zsa-zsu-carrie“‘How do you sustain a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu?’
‘The what?’
‘That butterflies-in-your-stomach thing that happens when you not only love the person, but you gotta have them. Isn’t that what gets you through the years? Even if it fades, at least you have the memory of the zsa zsa zsu…'”

Interesting concept. But I’m finding as I’m zeroing in on thirty during this #31WriteNow challenge that Zsa Zsa Zu doesn’t always have to be romantically linked even though that’s usually what is being discussed. As I come to know myself more and am clearer about the things I want, the things I need, and the things that are non-negotiable, I realize Carrie has a point. A lot of relationships may last for a long time without a butterflies feeling, but do you want that? Would you have an issue knowing that someone you love didn’t mind being with you, but didn’t necessarily want you? (How many relationships do you know of that fit that description? I can think of several.) In fact, how many relationships have you been in for that EXACT REASON?

I’m finding Zsa Zsa Zsu moments everywhere. Teaching isn’t glamorous (at all), but have my Zsa Zsa Zsu/Mr. Feeny moments every time I see the light bulb go off. When a child sees enlightenment in a concept I’ve taught them (in or out of the textbook), I get the butterflies. Those butterflies stop me from leaving the profession at particularly low moments. My friends provide Zsa Zsa Zsu moments over the years when I’ve felt particularly lonely in a new and bigger city than the one in which I grew up. The rest of that episode was interesting…truly one of my favorites. Miranda realized how important Steve was to her while Charlotte stopped with her ideal man list to realize an ideal man was in front of her.

Carrie had some truly poetic dialogue in this show. My favorite lines were at the end …

pregnant carrie

“When it comes to relationships, maybe we’re all in glass houses and shouldn’t throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down. Some people are settling. And some people refuse to settle for anything less…than butterflies.”

Word.

I’m deciding that’s true for anything that truly matters to me. And I truly feel blessed that those things are coming into fruition in my job potential, my friendship circle, my family, my faith, and the man in my life. The things I hold close to me are important to me because I want them…not just because they are there and available. Settling was a true possibility. When you settle, you’re always hoping for something different while being indifferent in the now. So as I get ready for my birthday dinner party…I’m truly happy for butterflies. šŸ™‚

Where have you experienced (or at least hope to experience) your Zsa Zsa Zu?

Love,

-V

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Yep. I thought I told you that we won’t stop, I thought I told you that we won’t stop! *Insert random Diddy noises*

Hi.

Yep. A straight Scandal, Pope listening to the President speak words after being shot in the head response… “Hi.”

Yes I know I haven’t written since Valentine’s Day. And I know that I could have and didn’t. But since Luvvie is all rallying the writing troops for her #31WriteNow Challenge…it seemed as good a time as any to get back in the saddle.

For this month of August, I’m going to try to write a post everyday. It seems a good month to do it…I turn 30 this month. I’m entering a new decade. A new age box to check on surveys. A new mindset of things that creep into your head that you never gave more than a passing whim to before. The age group where you start thinking about your parents dying. Or what you want to happen to your career in real-time, not theory. If you think you could handle having an actual kid. Is there someone you could be with the rest of your life and make the new version of your family? Dude…just go running…it’s not about vanity anymore – it’s about health.Ā  Yeah, I’m not doing that………I’m about to be 30, and I’m saying no to that one. Why? Just because.

Those thoughts permeate my brain on a daily basis in one source or form or another. I’m reflective. I’m a creature of habit, so change is a big deal to me. But I’m also a Leo, so challenges aren’t. Let’s see if this month can help filter through the murkiness of my mind…not forgetting to nod to the pristine places too. Here we go…you in?

Love,

-V

I am, apparently, way behind on this. I am “supposed” to already have a list of the attributes, characteristics, and/or requirements of of my future “the one”…guess I’ve been busy. On SATC, Charlotte was probably the most criticized for having a particular type. Even Carrie had the conversation about the “good on paper” guy (Season 2, “Twenty-Something Girls”…etc).

The thing is, I have no idea besides the basics – you know – attractive to me and attracted to me, won’t “Ike” me, etc… – but other than that, I like what I like. I’ve never put a whole lot of thought into it. Most of the time, I didn’t know what I liked until I did, so I guess I’ll give it a shot. Here are the things that are most likely non-negotiables for my future “the one”…or at least a wishlist:

1. Have a sense of humor. If you don’t, I probably don’tĀ know you past acquaintances anyway (unless we’re family, which doesn’tĀ bode wellĀ for this particular list), so thatĀ is null and void.

2. Have a general understanding for the rules of spelling and grammar. Or at least, an understanding that you don’t have an understanding for spelling and grammar. Not the “I don’t know this and I don’t care” type…but the “I don’t know this, so will you look at this for me before I send it out?” type. I remember getting a text from a guy that said “Your beautiful.” Me being me, I responded, “My beautiful what?” I thought he hit send too quickly or something. *kanye shrug*

3. Be passionate about something constructive. It doesn’t have to be something that I am interested in, but passion is attractive. As long as it isn’t passion about all genres of p*rn, I’m okay. (Or about any p*rn related activity)

4. Willing to take care of me when I’m sick. This one is a new addition, and since I’ve had it, it is now non-negotiable.

5. Be able to say when he’s angry. I mean, I’m good at deciphering moods and whatnot, but that doesn’t mean I always want to do so. I’ll even take the “I don’t really feel like talking. Can I holla at you later?”

6. Appreciate music. I mean, if you’re fond of Gucci Mane, I might have to knock you in the eyebrow, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be together… BUT, if you’re fond of Gucci Mane because you think he’s the best rapper ever…we are NOT together.

7. Give genuine compliments. If you don’t like my hair, you don’t have to say you do, but if my shoes are hot and you say so, you get brownie points.

8. Doesn’t say I “use big words”. I just can’t. I also can’t guarantee that I won’t punch you in the thoat if you do make this utterance. Yes, thoat. No r’s for you.

9. Think that Kevin Hart is funny**. It would tell me a lot about you…especially the parts you think are the funniest. Besides, if you can look at an ostrich and not laugh, we might not be together.

10. Does/doesn’t like SATC, but would be willing to watch it with me. We together šŸ˜‰ And since I like football, we should be able to work out an even exchange.

11. Pray. It changes things, and it is necessary. Can’t lead me if you’re not checking in. Just saying.

12. Be able to participate in general conversation with my family, and my close group of friends. If you can’t…I’m not quite sure why we’re talking. My family and friends are probably some of the smartest and down to earth people I know, but if you can’t follow the conversation.

ADDED AFTER POSTING: 13. Be able to follow the first 4 minutes of “The Social Network”. It was awesome.

I probably have more I could think of…but none are popping to mind. What about you? What’s on your list of your future mate?

Love,

–V

P.S. Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day everyone!Ā Whether you serve your community on a daily, or when you have the time, the freedom to do either is a blessing. So, I hope you enjoyed your day on – serving the community – or off – taking a break from the service you do on the regular – commemorating his memory.

** Here is why I can’t think of ostriches without laughing. The quality sucks, but at least the entire thing is there.

Samantha and "We" William

I find it interesting how many of us have run into this guy. He is the guy who calls just to say hi, who randomly makes reference to something that will happen in the 2013 (but includes you), who says things like “I can see us…” etc, etc, etc.

……………………………………and he is full of crap.

Of all the things that men use to get women, this is by far the most shady. At least to me.

What, or rather who, I’m referring to is the guy who sells a dream of future bliss to get into something more, um, current. It’s the guy who talks about seeing you as the mother of his children, the vacations you’ll take together, and all other manner of tomfoolery that he knows never crossed his mind. Several conversations with friends confirm that this is notĀ a figment of my imagination, but rather a new technique. I mean honestly, poon-tang is that important to you that you will throw a future on the table? Really?

Even Samantha (who I rarely use as a reference here because I can’t really Ā relate to her personally) got got by a false-future guy. William, a guy whom she met in a club when she and the girls were on a ladies’ night outing in Season 2 (They Shoot Single People, Don’t They?). During the evening with this guy, he pretty much offered her the Hampton’s house for the summer complete with anything else she could imagine. Even Carrie narrated, “She let the ‘we’ wash over her…”, so they called him “We-William.”Ā Of course, this guy didn’t deliver past the next 15 minutes of the show.

I am a little wary of guys who start mentioning “our wedding” within the first couple of months of meeting me (This has happened more than once since I’ve become single…I have had to reacquaint myself with the man-tricks), even in jest. I always wonder what the hidden agenda is…and there usually is one. I haven’t been wrong yet. Normally, it has to do with where they preferĀ a woman’sĀ underthings to be. Silly rabbits…

Have any of you met this guy? Believed this guy? Have any of you BEEN this guy? Why? No judgement sorta. Let me know.

Love,

-V

"Sex and Another City"

This time tomorrow, I will be aboard a cruise ship! I am so excited and have probably overpacked a la Bradshaw, but I careth not. My cousins and I will have fun (assuming there is no hurricane threatening my trip still) and be able to get away, relax, and be really girly. It helps that it is also 4th of July weekend (so happy 4th to you all, because clearly I will be out of pocket). šŸ˜‰

So, I bought a hat (I never wear hats) and have a plan for things I want to do. Are we ready? Here we go:

1. I want to start a conversation with a stranger that is not centered around my accessories, their accessories, or anybody else’s accessories.

I mean, I really want to work on this. I am a shy person. Most people don’t think this about me, but I honestly find it easier to talk to an audienceĀ than have a one-on-one conversation with someone I don’t know. So, on this cruise, I plan to start a conversation with SOMEBODY! As long as I don’t come up missing, all’s well!

2. I plan to strike a pose.

I mean a vacation pose. You know those pictures when people are lounging, looking to the side with shades on or something. At some point I plan to do one of those, and have someone take a picture of it.

3. I plan to have drinks on the deck with my cousins.

The drinks should have some sort of passion fruit sticking out of it.

4. I plan to dance.

There is really no follow-up or explanation for this one.

5. I plan to watch the view, and dream about the next phase of my life.

Dreams spark ideas. Ideas become actions. Trust me, the last part of this year will be a fool for me. In the very best of ways. This has been a rollercoaster of a year, and only now can I appreciate it. In the words of Jay, “Difficult takes a day; impossible takes a week.”

So, what are your vacation plans? I hope you have some to which you are truly looking forward.

Love,

-V

So, I was reading my girl Alisha‘s blog,Ā and she had an entry that caught my attention. It was basically about being close to 30 and the creation of a list of things to tangibly do.

Now, I’m not knocking on 30’s door, but I am closer to that house than to the dormroom of my 20s. I got to thinking about it, and I had actually created a list at the beginning of the year. Somethings on it had to change due to the change in my situation, but there are a few things that I set out to do that I have done, and a few more that I have yet to do. I also had to edit this list, and I like it! Now, a lot of these things were prompted by Sex and the City, and some were not. I hope you like it just the same.

  1. 1. Buy a Pair of Christian Louboutins. Done.

Ā 

  1. 2. Become more active in my church and/or sorority, or do volunteer work. I’ve started working on that also. Preferably, I’d like to do all three, so I’m not crossing it out.

Ā 

  1. 3. Go on a roadtrip with friends. I want it to be something fun, like to the beach, or wayyy out of town. The last time I did this, I went to Disneyworld with the guy I was seeing at the time, his sister, and her boyfriend. I was 19. I still don’t know what my mother was thinking in letting me go. (smh)

Ā 

  1. 4. Buy a sexy dress. And I can’t just buy it…I’d actually have to wear it somewhere.

Ā 

  1. 5. Befriend someone I don’t like. Or at least do something nice for them. I did that this year.

Ā 

  1. 6. Do something that terrifies me. Unless you’re already a close friend, most people don’t know that I have issues talking to strangers, be it man or woman, but especially guys. This year I have made friends with women, but talking to guys…I am not quite sure about that. Just randomly? I’m working on it. (Man, this could have been my shot!)
  2. 7. Redecorate my apartment. The way it’s set up now was the neutral setting I’d created for the time when I did not live alone. I want it to be more me. The person I am right now.Maybe this redecoration will actually be my buying a place, but for the next year, I’ll settle on redecorating.
  3. 8. Go after a personal dream. I really want to do this makeup thing. In the next year, I plan to convert it from a hobby I get paid to do, to another passion that also serves as an alternate source of income.

Ā 

  1. 9. Take a trip out of the country. And going somewhere connected to the USA doesn’t count. I’ll need to cross an ocean. I’m thinking Rome, or Germany with my cousin next summer. Maybe Paris. Somewhere gorgeous and romantic, but preferably somewhere where I can get expensive shoes cheaper.

Ā 

  1. 10. Start writing my book. If you’ve ever talked to me for longer than 20 minutes, I have endless stories about my students. Some sad, some crazy, some hilarious, and some touching, but all interesting. It’s time to archive and organize. Let’s get to it.

Ā 

  1. 11. Sing karaoke. I’ve always wanted to go, but have never had anyone who was willing to go with me. I’ve heard people say you shouldn’t go if you can actually sing, but I think that is discrimination!

12. ____________ I don’t know yet. Maybe cultivate a relationship…be it friend or other. Or, go to a gun range. In heels.

Hey…a year is a long time. šŸ™‚

Do you have a list? What’s on it?

Love,

-V

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