You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘overanalyzing’ tag.

Yep…I didn’t complete the #31WriteNow challenge…but more on that another day. Today I want to talk about what has been on my mind all day.

One of my favorite (non-hair) blogs is VerySmartBrothas. Last week, one of the site’s contributors shared a 100-word insight on love that he originally posted on another blog.

Please go read it. I’ll wait…..

Read it? Good.

Language aside, it was one of the most poignant and truthful things I’ve ever read. I can completely understand. One of the things I’ve found that came with this all-encompassing happiness from the relationship I’m in wais an ever-present dreading. It feels scary to love someone so much that you become obsessed over how you would deal if they were no longer there. I literally think things such as, “A random drunk driver could change my life and I don’t know how I’d bear it.”

That sucks.

It’s like, I could have an awesome day, a wonderful weekend, and as I’m thinking about it in happiness, this random thought creeps in where if he says he’s about to run to the store for peppermints, I’m dang near hyperventilating. What the what??! This has never happened before. I understood concern for someone taking flights (“Text AS SOON AS you land!!”) or road trips (“Stop texting me and drive!!”), but I’ve never been concerned about Target. Or an outside run. Or lunch (who knows what really leads to cancer these days…). It’s mind-boggling.

What amazes me is that I’ve been in four relationships before now…only two of those being serious…and I’ve never felt this way before. I’d never had this level of concern. Yeah, everyone gets the obligatory “be careful” if they are doing things that requires carefulness, but not the “Please don’t fall getting out of the shower and hit your head on the toilet and black out” type of concern. I imagine that new parents feel the same way.

the-domino-effect-1024In Season 6, “The Domino Effect”, Carrie spends an evening with a visiting Big. He mentions over dinner that he’s in town for heart surgery, and without controlling it, she bursts into tears. It happened again when she visited him in the hospital, and again when she mentioned the reason for his visit to her friends. It was probably the most telling of any relationship she’d ever been in…and she technically wasn’t in one then. She genuinely cared, and the thought that something could happen to him had shaken her to her core. She normally only reserved that type of emotion for the girls. But Big was Big. And he got in. Even though the end of the episode left a lot to be desired on her part, Carrie knew where her feelings were…where they always had been.

I’ll say this, it’s not my hope to start worrying about if caterpillars will mutate and suck the life out of my beloved, but I do know that this is a tell for how much he means to me. Only God can protect him, so I have to let Him do just that. But, one of the best feelings in the world is when I see him walk in the door, and I know he’s safe……………. and with me.

Have you ever experienced this? WHY DIDN’T YOU WARN ME?? How did you handle it? Let me know!

Love,

–V

Advertisements

On last Thursday (not yesterday), I went to a Ru Sans for lunch because I wanted Asian food. I didn’t know that they did a buffet, so I got the fried rice I wanted, broccoli, and an endless supply of sushi…my Nook and I were ready for a pretty nice afternoon. I took a small booth near the door, and prepared to read and eat.

There was a couple sitting to my side and a bit behind me. Because of our close proximity, I could make out their conversation, but I was trying to be engrossed in my book. However, there was a strand of dialogue that perked my ears, “He just doesn’t get me.”

Maybe it was the tone of her voice that made it stand out. Maybe it was the “he” pronoun when she was already there with a guy. It kind of made me chuckle like, “Someone is about to get broken up with.” His response was, “I completely understand. I’ve felt alone with her for the past two months.” My reaction turned from the chuckle to an “uh-oh….” I listened to them hash out their earnest complaints and desires about the person to whom they were committed. He played video games with a headset on for hours while ignoring the flesh and blood person sitting in his living room. She didn’t make the effort to give him to type of love he wants. And right when I was about to be lost in my book again, I heard her say “husband”.

My immediate thought was, “Molly…..you in danger, girl.” Unbeknownst, or maybe even beknownst (can you be beknownst? How can you just add random prefixes to words that don’t stand alone? Sorry…anyway……) to her, she was setting herself up for an affair. This communal gripe session was giving root to the allowance of those feelings being watered elsewhere. I wondered if they could see it coming. I wondered if they prepared for it in advance. I wondered if they had made the decision to cheat.

samanthaRichardAtlanticCityIt makes me think of Carrie and Aidan, the second go round in Season 4 (“Time and Punishment”). Or Samantha and Richard’s round 2 in Season 5 in Atlantic City (“Luck Be an Old Lady”). Or Charlotte, Harry, and the nanny in the Sex and City 2 movie. All of these were differing levels of the possibility of infidelity, and at some point, someone saw it coming. Notice I didn’tnanny mention the Carrie/Aidan/Big fiasco of Season 3. Big may have known his intentions, but for all intents and purposes, Carrie was a bit caught off guard. She tried her best to avoid him until she got thrown up against an elevator wall, lol. When Aidan was annoyed that Big was still around, he started hanging out with the female bartender (who obviously knew about her) and got very close to the “inappropriate” line. Samantha and Richard might’ve been a self-fulfilling prophecy because Samantha couldn’t let go of his past indiscretion, and was just waiting for it to happen again by side-eyeing every waitress and cleaning girl. Charlotte never considered the possibility that Harry would step out on her because she trusted him (still my favorite couple!), until her friends planted the idea, and then it was all she could see.

My point is this: at some point there is a moment of recognition and a moment of escape. Carrie called Aidan out on it so they could have the actual forgiveness conversation; Samantha cut her losses before that shoe hit the ground; and Charlotte…well she over-analyzed it while in Abu Dhabi but ultimately trusted her husband because the root of her issue didn’t stem from him, but from her friends warning her about the “Jude Law” (at least I think so. I didn’t like the second movie, so I didn’t watch it as much. I totally hope that’s what happened).

I remember being saddened once I found out she was married…that girl in the restaurant. I was discussing this with two of my closest friends, and decided that I wanted to warn her in some way. I wanted her to not become what she would despise. I was writing it on a napkin…”be careful.” I turned around to see how to give it to her, and they were gone. Who knows where. I hope they were going to have these conversations with someone else…their significant others (hopefully)… counselors… Iyanla… somebody! I didn’t want those two friends talk to give way to action that was not-so-friendly.

But I will tell you what I learned from the show and this situation – a lesson from each.

  1. Call it like you see it…you might even get some true forgiveness out of it.
  2. Know when to hold ’em, and know when to fold ’em. (this is not about towels)
  3. You should probably only trust details of your relationship to people who care as much about IT prospering as you do. This is different from people who care about you. Those can be opposites.

So what would you do if faced with the same situation, in any perspective? I’m curious. Let me know.

Love,

-V

Yep. I thought I told you that we won’t stop, I thought I told you that we won’t stop! *Insert random Diddy noises*

Hi.

Yep. A straight Scandal, Pope listening to the President speak words after being shot in the head response… “Hi.”

Yes I know I haven’t written since Valentine’s Day. And I know that I could have and didn’t. But since Luvvie is all rallying the writing troops for her #31WriteNow Challenge…it seemed as good a time as any to get back in the saddle.

For this month of August, I’m going to try to write a post everyday. It seems a good month to do it…I turn 30 this month. I’m entering a new decade. A new age box to check on surveys. A new mindset of things that creep into your head that you never gave more than a passing whim to before. The age group where you start thinking about your parents dying. Or what you want to happen to your career in real-time, not theory. If you think you could handle having an actual kid. Is there someone you could be with the rest of your life and make the new version of your family? Dude…just go running…it’s not about vanity anymore – it’s about health.  Yeah, I’m not doing that………I’m about to be 30, and I’m saying no to that one. Why? Just because.

Those thoughts permeate my brain on a daily basis in one source or form or another. I’m reflective. I’m a creature of habit, so change is a big deal to me. But I’m also a Leo, so challenges aren’t. Let’s see if this month can help filter through the murkiness of my mind…not forgetting to nod to the pristine places too. Here we go…you in?

Love,

-V

2012,

We didn’t meet under the best circumstances. Our introduction was awkward, and tainted by deception, betrayal, and embarrassment. I felt like I was a horrible person to deserve some of the things that I had endured by the time I laid eyes on you. I felt like I had control of very little. My life was being held together by a thread…a strong thread, but a thread. I didn’t feel like I had control over anything. And I felt loved, but alone.

I learned one very key lesson from our first glance: Grace. I learned the incredible strength it takes to forgive and push forward once you’ve been wronged. I learned to look past a person’s issues and choices and see the brokenness that caused it. It was important for me to learn that lesson because at some point, I’ll need it from someone else. God allowed me a minor glimpse of what He feels daily when dealing with us… When dealing with me.

As we got to know each other better, I know now that I was hurting. Not from the actual issue present at our meeting, but from every relational issue that had ever been. Some of my fears and self-doubt were surfacing, and it was coated with the tight cap I had placed over my emotions over the last few years. I also realized that the pain from our meeting wasn’t because I had felt deeply, but because I had tried and failed. I was angry that my decision had not worked out, and I had been embarrassed in the process. But it doesn’t change the fact that I sincerely wanted to feel.

I got to know my insecurities as I spent more time with you. I had a glimpse of what I actually wanted, but deep down never thought I could attain. My friendships strengthened. I took a few risks. I used my gifts. I trusted God more. Sometimes I trusted Him less…but at least I now know where those areas are so I can remove my hands. I’d been angry. I started expressing myself in different forms.

I let someone in. Well, correction… someone got in. I was prideful and vulnerable. I was ugly and beautiful. I was hard and soft. I rejected and accepted. I made a friend. A friend who saw my insecurities and didn’t play on them. Someone who affirmed beauty in my ugly places. Someone who didn’t try to make me be… just allowed me to be… and then I was. Helped me see through some of my learned behaviors and make me miss my true personality. I trusted. That’s scary, 2012. You could have warned me that I’d be emoting through the latter part of the year. Could’ve given me some preparation for all the emotions that would come flooding back… but noooooo. I felt stripped and bare no matter how hard I tried to stay covered. And though it was frightening…it was freeing. Just inopportune.

So I’m leaving you with some similar feelings, but they’re a good negative if that makes any sense. I feel my broken places, and now I know they’re there. I won’t board them up. I’ll shine light into them and fix them. I won’t internalize rejection. I may feel lonely, but it’ll pass. And it won’t be my truth forever. I’ll be vulnerable…yet selective. I’ll be cautious…but I’ll love. And I’ll feel pain…but so help me God, it’ll be growing pain. It’ll make me better. Because in the new year, all I want to be is better.

I want that for you too. Whoever you are. So thanks, 2012. It wasn’t always pleasant, but it was necessary.

Love,

–V

I was having a random conversation with my roommate which led to a conversation about gift giving and dating. A piece of advice her father gave her was (and I’m altering the more colorful language here, lol):

“Don’t trust any [man] who doesn’t do right on your birthday, Valentine’s Day, and Christmas.”

I found that really interesting. We then got into the semantics of gift giving and how much attention is necessary, and is a gift only a gift? Or is it some type of compatibility test. My roommate loves perfume. She’ll spend big money on it because it’s her thing. An ex of hers once got her a perfume set from Mary Kay. She decided that he didn’t really know her, nor did he pay attention, and might’ve been a sign that they weren’t going to last. A certain someone told me once that he’d advise anyone dating me not to ever buy me shoes. I know and love them too much, so there’s too much room to mess it up. I think that applies to her perfume addiction.

Now, I’m not really saying that a bad gift equals a bad relationship. But I wonder, how does gift-giving tie into compatibility? I can probably count on one hand the gifts that I’ve received from the testicled-ones that made me know that they were thoughtful and that they paid attention to me (And yes, it couldn’t be something that I specifically asked for…that’s cheating).

Wait, let me make the criteria for invalidation of said gifts:

1. I couldn’t have specifically asked for it. See previous statement about this. This does not, however, include gifts that come up in conversation, but weren’t explicitly requested.

2. It couldn’t have a self-serving purpose. My ex bought me an additional TV, but I think it was more so there could be one in the bedroom also. Doesn’t count.

3. It couldn’t be a gift that would work for just anyone. Flowers, candy, and the like…unless they were specifically tailored to said person. My favorite flower isn’t common…but either it was a) never inquired or b)  never given … got plenty of roses though. And carnations. And we know how the girls feel about that (Season 6).

4. It couldn’t have put them far outside of their means. If I know cash is tight, and you buy an extravagant gift for me, I’m going to worry about for what you probably could’ve used that money. It will take me awhile to appreciate the gift. I’d probably want to give it back, but would be concerned that the guy would be offended.

5. Wasn’t a continuation of a gift I gave them. Still cheating. I wrote my ex a story about a fictitious great day with him. He wrote me back the same story from his point of view. It was awesome…but not original.

Hmmm….. I’m tempted to include that it could not be for some outrageously significant occasion. I mean, obviously…the expectation comes with the day/event. But, I don’t want to count something out just because it happened to be someone’s birthday. So I’ll strike it from the record (but in the weird way that they do it in court, when the jury heard it, but are supposed to act like they didn’t). And it should go without saying that I had to have liked the gift… It doesn’t matter if other people thought it was awesome. If I didn’t like it, it doesn’t count.

Here are the top three gifts I’ve ever received:

1. A stuffed Cocker Spaniel. I told my friend the story of how my sister’s dog, Major, became my dog and I loved him like my own. When my sister and her college boyfriend broke up, he took the dog back. I was heartbroken. He gave us visitation, and then moved to St. Louis. He started complaining that he couldn’t take care of him like he needed, and my sister asked for him back. He said he’d think about it…and then sold my dog to some couple moving to Seattle. I mentioned that to him in some weird random conversation around the time we met. He also knew I wanted a dog, but was concerned that I wouldn’t have the time to truly care for it. And for Christmas, there was my stuffed Cocker Spaniel puppy. I still have it.

2. Plane ticket home for my first Christmas away from my family. My five year ex got that for me. I had just moved to Atlanta, and was trying to be adult and mature. I had gone home for Thanksgiving, and decided that I couldn’t fiscally go back for Christmas. His family, who I knew and loved, were going to be in Atlanta, so I figured it made sense. April Fools. I was miserable. I loved his family, but I wanted my mom. When I opened that, it was a one way home for the day after Christmas because he said he knew that the first Christmas would be hard. He then drove and picked me up and brought me back to Atlanta.

3. ……um…. I’ve literally been sitting here for about 7 minutes trying to come up with a number three. I got nothing that doesn’t break one of those rules up there. So yeah…2.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I haven’t gotten sweet gifts, or thoughtful ones, but I’m talking about that “WOW…I can’t believe you did that.” I mean, if I’ve been complaining about my back hurting, and you get a massage certificate… it’s still sweet, thoughtful, and I’m really happy about it. All I’m saying is that was a “Duh” gift. It wasn’t rocket science. This isn’t being unappreciative  – it’s just what I mean for this conversation.

Do you think gift-giving counts for something? Does it tell you something special? I also want to implore the Love Haze clause. If you’re in love, you probably like gifts a lot more than you would if you were looking at them sans emotion. Unless…it really really sucked.

dscn3821

And, do you have a great gift you’d want to share? I’m interested. I’ll live vicariously, 😉

Love,

-V

P.S. Cards are always awesome. I always look for cards. Stealth cards are the best. I am the Queen of giving stealth cards 😉

So, for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been all in my feelings. I feel some kind of way about that, lol (See what I did there?)

Creatively, that’s been good. A lot of writing…blogs, poetry, song flips, etc… But, for my own brain? It’s in overload. Even when I’m trying to not think about something, I start thinking about why I’m trying not to think about it. That’s a cycle of suckiness. Hmmm… (lol)

So, this is where my thoughts went today: Things I miss about being in a good relationship (or at least a relationship when it was good). My past relationships had some good parts. My future ones will too. Some of these things I’ve never experienced, but I hope I will. I guess some of these are pre-missings. And these won’t be duty-based things, like someone to take out the trash. Just those little together things…

1. Tailor-made personal touches. One of my exes, when we were about to leave each other, he would pick my hand up, kiss the palm, and then take my finger tips and put them between his lips like you would if you were blotting lipstick. (Does this make sense?) It made me giggle. He didn’t do it as often near the end of our relationship, and I noticed. It was personal, at least to me, like that scene in FaceOff where John Travolta’s family all had a sign of affection that they did to each other all the time.

2. Movie Day. Some of the best days I can remember with anyone I’d ever dated were those impromptu days when you just ended up watching movies for a majority of the day. This was especially interesting if the other party had never seen the movie. Because of the type of movies I like, guys normally haven’t seen them, or have seen them and like them. So we’re either cracking up, or discussing. My best movie days normally had my legs across the lap of the guy. Not too close, not too far away (and if I fall asleep and he has to pee…he’s not held prisoner, nor am I awakened, lol. It’s a really good relationship if he comes back and puts them back across his lap.)

3. Dissecting Music. Generally, anyone I’ve been involved with loved music in one respect or another, so I remember long car trips listening to a series of Jay-Z or OutKast albums. And, even more recently, having conversations about harmonies and vocal qualities. I bond over things like that. It was really good if he liked/likes to hear me sing (because I’m always singing… Every song has a soprano part around me, lol.)

4. Neck Kisses and Good Hugs. I’ll keep all the more physical examples in one. There isn’t much explanation needed for this. I’ve always liked those, lol. Neck kisses, especially from behind (you know, like when you’re cooking or something) make me smile the biggest, shyest smile. Good hugs make me happy for the rest of the day.

5. Inside Jokes. Man…Honestly, I probably miss this more than anything. I don’t think I’ve had an inside joke with anyone I was actually dating in forever. I may have had times where I was making fun of them or being sarcastic based on something only the two of us know, but that’s not the same. I mean, to see something, it remind us of a private moment, and we laugh.

6. Hearing “My Girl”. *deep sigh* moving on…

7. Finding Cards to Give/Hide/Etc. I LOVE cards. I like giving them and getting the reaction, and receiving them and reading them over and over (Yep, I’m a re-reader, lol). I remember once, I woke up at 4am and snuck out the house to someone’s car to put a card on their windshield before he got up for work. I also write in the cards too…as if the message in it wasn’t enough. Maybe that makes me sappy… Whatever. I was at one point. I wonder will I be again?

8. Taking impromptu pictures. Silly. Looking in love. Weird. All of them.

9. Calling/texting to tell random information. I remember texting an ex once to tell him that Sonic had chicken sandwiches on sale. Um…WHY are they on SALE? Why are you trying to get rid of them? I don’t want that. Sonic is trying to kill me. (That was the general strand of the text…lots of laughs and chiming in on my conspiracy theory.)

10. Saying “I love you” when leaving each others presence. I’m not overly-emotional, but I am sentimental. Maybe that’s where this whole list comes from.

One thing I always found interesting in the dynamic of Big and Carrie’s relationship is that she there were things she was comfortable doing with him that she was never comfortable doing with everyone else. She never laughed with Petrovsky. She changed herself for Aidan. She watched her words around Berger. I always liked how she just liked being with Big, whether they were in or out. He called her Kid. They dissected people.

Anyway…hopefully, I’ll be out of my feelings soon. I’m a G, and I’m one Amerie/Teedra Moses/Vivian Green/Musiq/Erykah Badu song away from being a punk. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

What are your favorite random things you do in your relationship? Or, if you’re not in one, what things are you looking forward to doing again?

Love,

V 🙂

P.S. In case you want to hear the kinds of songs stuck in my head…here’s a perfect example:

 

 

 

“And look, you tell me you ain’t did it, then you ain’t did it. And if you did, then that’s family business.” –Kanye West

Image

Snapshot from Carrie’s computer

Family Business by Mr. West is probably one of my favorite songs of his. (I think I’ve managed to mention Kanye in at least 5 different blog posts. In my personal opinion, I love this old style Kanye. But that’s another post…for another blog.) I love his candidness about family loyalty. A chain of events caused me to listen to this song, watch a specific episode, and reflect.

My ex got married this past weekend. This ex. Yep…this ex. Once I found out he was engaged, I felt some kind of way. Not negative, but definitely not positive. Probably incredulous. *Kanye shrug* But then I got on with life, and decided what I wanted for lunch, or something like that.

Then the text messages started:

“GIRL!!!!!!!!! Did you know….”

“I can’t believe that ninja….”

It was ridiculous. I started to make a twitter/FB announcement that I knew, and no, I didn’t care. Besides, most of the people who texted just wanted to know what my reaction was. They didn’t have a vested interest in me…and “ain’t nobody got time ‘fa that.”

The summer went on, and I forgot…unless I passed a Ruby Tuesday. (LOL…inside joke.) And it wasn’t until my friend posted pictures at the venue that I recalled that it had actually occurred. He was married…and I still didn’t care.

But I did. But not about him. Or the white dress. Or the people clapping at a new union. I’m from the school of, “If she can make you a better person, please, BY ALL MEANS, do you.” But I did care…about his mom.

I realize that that has been the only thing to hurt my feelings. I last talked to his mother on Christmas Eve (maybe it was the 23rd, I don’t know) to check on her, say Happy Holidays and invite her to church because I was singing. She asked about me, caught me up on his son, and told me that she would try to Imagewatch online. She and I had created a very wonderful relationship when he and I were in one, and when I told her that he’d ended it, she hugged me and cried, and said that we could still continue our friendship. It made me think of “Shortcomings” when Carrie dated Vaughn, a short-story writer, and she had more chemistry with his family. When the writing was on the wall, it was really his mom who she had to end it with. In the episode, she asked the question, “When you date someone, how many people become emotionally involved?”

His mom stopped answering the phone for me after the New Year. We talked via text. She declined my attempts to bring her my tax papers, preferring for me to mail them instead. It was only later that I realized why: because he was engaged. I spoke to his Uncle when I went home for Memorial Day, and he shared with me that his mom was extremely happy that he had made a commitment. It hurt. I felt betrayed in a small sense.

I’m big on family. So one of the hardest things in that break-up was realizing that I lost a piece of extended family, especially his son that I had been sowing into since he was 7 months old. So if there were any ill-feelings about those nuptials, it had nothing to do with him. It had to do the woman who promised to still be my family. Maybe she can’t keep those promises, or maybe she just wouldn’t. Either way, it stung a bit.

But again, life moves forward.

Love,

–V

…but it’s all so personal. I’m pretty sure every writer, at some point, had to get over how much of themselves they felt comfortable baring. This is especially true when your readers aren’t only people you don’t know, but those you do. That’s probably the hardest part of all.

I’m still here. I’m just trying to think my way around this.

Love,

–V

Hey folks!.

Okay seriously? I know, I know. I can’t promise when I will blog…I can only promise that I will.

Now, on to the show.

One of my favorite cautionary quotes is “Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it’s broken, but you’ll still see the cracks in the reflection.” (That dang on Lady GaGa, lol. This is paraphrased to take out the curse word, but you get the point.) It has gotten me to thinking over the past few months days. Can you actually rebuild trust?

There have been times I’ve forgiven people. A lot of times. But I notice that I still treat them who have recently been in car accidents and hear screeching noises: I tense up. Not physically, but emotionally. If you’ve lied to me, I question what you say. If you’ve let me down, I don’t depend on you. Sure, I’ve gotten past the actual infraction, but I’m not leaving myself open to a future one.

I found this interesting in Carrie more than any of the other girls. She seemed to trust Big implicitly. She went back to him, let’s see…1, 2, 3, 4, …5 times (or so…hmm…6 if you include the movie…more if you include little rendezvous…what the heck is the plural of rendezvous?? It already sounds plural. #englishteacherswag) throughout the course of the series. She seemed like she had forgotten the past at every encounter. However, in SATC: The Movie, she literally went from

Image

to….

Image

…within a 24 hour period. Now granted, you jilt me…you better HOPE all I have at my disposal are flowers. BUT…what got me was her statement: “I knew you would do this to me! I knew it!” Seems all wasn’t forgotten. His past mistakes/decisions/let downs came rushing back in that statement. In that statement, there wasn’t surprise. There was confirmation.

Miranda and Steve met on the Brooklyn Bridge to show that trust would be restored………………..but they never quite returned to that storyline at all in the second movie to explore. I wonder if she would’ve ever done a phone blow-up on a night when it seemed he was taking too long to come home from the bar after that.

I want to say that I can refill trust…but at most, I think I have a 90% trust refund. That capacity diminishes by double the previous with every infraction. And, I’m pretty forgiving. I get mad at myself when I feel like I’ve gotten “un-angry” too quickly. But, that forgetting is a different ball game. It’s like even when I think I can, my head gives my heart a side-eye like, “Really? Really dude?”

So what say you? Can trust be repaired completely? Or does the party seeking restoration of trust have to live with the diminished capacity? Or…is time the necessary factor, but the length of time is indeterminable? What say you?

Love,

–V

Credit to BET

I swear, this is the 3rd or 4th time I’ve made a Kanye reference on this blog. Who knew that ‘Ye and Sex and the City would be so easily connected? (Well, except for Mr. West’s wardrobe choices for the Watch the Throne tour. Skants. All he needs is a lace crown, and he could’ve been  Carrie…oddly dressed but still dope.) I digress.

My last post about Learned Behaviors had a lot of feedback. It didn’t come in the form of comments on the blog specifically, but rather I was contacted via DM, Facebook inbox messages, texts, calls, and face to face conversations from people who both congratulated my ability to write my most (in my humble opinion) transparent post, and shared that reading said post caused them to reflective in their own relationship behavior and the catalyst there behind. Just think, my sharing caused hundreds (okay, well maybe 9) to reevaluate their behavior for the better! Now, I can admit that there was a more negative connotation associated with learned behaviors, but what about the other side? What about the positive things you’ve picked up from your past that has only been helpful ever since you learned it?

Kanye West had a skit on his album “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” (I believe it’s at the end of “Blame Game”) where Chris Rock is engaged in conversation with a girl who is (presumably) West’s ex-girlfriend/jump-off/concubine. He kept asking her where she learned to do this or where she picked up that habit (and that description is clearly infinitely more G-rated than the actual song, lol), and her refrain was unchanging: “Yeezy taught me.” Rock’s final conclusion? “Yeezy taught you well.” Basically, being with ‘Ye gave her some skills that made her new man very happy. Now, depending on whose perspective you’re looking from, this could be negative. I think from the perspective of the album, it was decidedly more negative, yet funny. But let’s get it connected.

Yeezy taught her?

Admittedly, there are some things I’ve taken from every relationship-esque situation I’ve been in that have been great assets in my next relationship-esque situation (including some I won’t discuss, but once I have a covenant, will have to get dusted off, lol). My first relationship really got me interested in hip-hop. Oh, I’d liked rap, but not with any great detail. I think the first rap song I learned I was in the 7th grade, and it was Warren G and Nate Dogg’s “Regulate”. When I was 18, the on again/off again semi-relationship/friendshippy thing I had, he loved hip hop. His favorite rapper was Redman, which is an odd choice considering we were both in the deep south (Louisiana). I listened to Eminem’s whole cd, not just the singles. I developed an appreciation for wordplay.

The guy after him, who I will refer to as Dawson’s Creek, was a baseball player. I talk about him here. He loved God, was a virgin (by choice, but even he admitted it was very difficult to do), and had great manners. We would play together all the time. I think baseball is incredibly boring; however, this is where I learned to take interest in my beau’s interests…even if it’s like watching caterpillars change.

My ex, he loved Southern rap. It expanded my palette to OutKast, Jay-Z, 8ball and MJG, etc… But more importantly, this is when I was forced to like football. From about the end of August until the beginning February, if we were going to spend time together on Saturdays, it had to happen on his couch. Preferably with wings. He was both a college and NFL football fan, so inevitably, I picked it up. And took it and ran with it. I’m a SEC girl (LSU! They’re my default. I was a Gator fan when Tebow was there. Loved him.) and wear my Saints t-shirts to work with a pantsuit to piss off my Falcons’ fan co-workers.

And every guy I dated after the previous one absolutely loved each picked up habit.

Big was a known jazz enthusiast. No doubt that helped Carrie with Ray, her jazz musician (until she couldn’t deal with his ADD). Steve taught Miranda to relax when he would wake her with their morning, er…happy time, even though she hated it. By the time she was dating Dr. Robert Leeds, she was comfortable enough to take a personal day of…um…happy time. And she didn’t even argue about it like she did with Steve. Stevie taught her.

All I’m saying is, even though we get some learned behavior that we need to get rid as soon as possible, we also get some beneficial things as well. I’m still me and I want to discuss issues like any other girl……………..as long as the Saints aren’t playing.

What say you? What good skills have you gotten from past relationships that will be helpful in your future ones? Who taught you well? (lol)

Love,

–V

P.S. …all you folks who read this, and then text me, you are more than welcome to actually respond here, lol

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 67 other followers

Top Posts