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Before I write anything else for this blog, I want to acknowledge the victims of the Newtown, CT senseless tragedy. As an educator, I know my high school students try to harm themselves day in and day out, but I would not allow someone else to harm them. So, as I mentioned on the day of the tragedy, I don’t know which thing I would’ve been doing last Friday if I worked there: praying to Jesus or meeting Him firsthand.

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ep51_carrie_bigNormally, when men and women talk, the topic eventually moves to relationships. I was watching a few episodes of Sex and the City (just random ones, like when Carrie went on her coffee “simu-date” to calm down for her date with Berger [Season 6]) I was interested in simply watching the types of dates on which the ladies went. And while I have already talked about gifting in relationships, there is a close cousin thereof and that is the “date” itself.

I don’t think I’ve ever been on an original date. Well, let me rephrase…I don’t think I’ve been on an original date with someone I was actually dating. Most of the dates I’ve been on have been the typical dinner and/or movie variety. Especially not one that I didn’t pre-beg ask to go on or pay for myself. And even then, there are some things I still haven’t done even after specifically asking.

I’m going to share things I’ve never done, considering I live in Atlanta, which has no shortage of attractions:

1. Starbucks. You know how the learn-ed always talk about going to Starbucks to hang out, drink coffee/tea/lattes so that they can get to know someone? Never happened. I’ll lump the Barnes and Noble experience in here too…it’s pretty much the same thing.

2. Sporting Event. Now, I have gone to a football game with my ex, but it doesn’t count. We only went because one of my close friends plays for the Cowboys, and they were playing the Falcons so I had tickets. But just going? Nope. And there are 4 professional sports teams in this city. I mentioned to a friend of mine that the only time I had been in Philips Arena was for a Jay-Z concert. He found that unacceptable, lol

3. Picnic. You know, where someone plans a specific time to go out eating in a park or something. Nope. Never. And I’ve imagined it several times.

4. *Play or Theatre. I went to see the Lion King, but I paid for it. And it was my idea. Does that count? I’m thinking no.

5. Jazz Club/Poetry Bar. I sing. I teach English. I write. But nope…never.

And I hear these are typical date spots. *kanye shrug* I wouldn’t know. I’ve been to the Aquarium, but anyone who has known me for awhile (or been in my house) knows that I love dolphins. I haven’t been since they’ve had the dolphin show. I’m not talking the infamous twitter $200 date debacle… I’m just saying, the next person I date, I want them to be thoughtful enough to pay enough attention to be original. I guess until then, I’m taking myself to Dialogue in the Dark or Cirque du Soleil.

What were your best dates? What about dates you feel you should’ve been on by now (or is that just me)? You know I want to know 😛

Love,

–V

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A random conversation with a co-worker brought this on. I was discussing with her how I’d visited my ex’s mom because she has done my taxes for the past four years, and told me that she would continue to do so (yes!). This was generally a recount of my weekend, and she said “Wow…are you proud of yourself for getting through that situation? I mean, I am exceptionally proud of you. You have come so long…how long has it been?”

That question right there caused me to turn on the calculator in my head. And I realized…

Today…makes exactly one year since my breakup. Like…exactly. I only remember because we broke up one week shy of our 5 year anniversary, and the 28th is next Monday.

I shared this with her, how proud of myself I’d become. The things I’d done. The people I’ve met and relationships I’d built that never would’ve been. And I told her that besides God, my family and close friends…I can only thank one other entity…

Maybelline Colossal Mascara.

Now hear me out.

Yes, I’d done a lot of praying. I’d shopped. I’d spent time with my family who checked on me. My friends consistently kept me uplifting. Jazmine Sullivan was my homegirl. But none of those things affected my overall view of what I thought I’d lost than Maybelline Colossal Mascara.

See, the deal was that even though I’d make it through day by day (I remember reading Jozen Cummings reply to another reader on how to get over a breakup by saying “Wake up. Eat. Live. Go to sleep. Repeat. Other than that, You’ve got me.”), I was still sad. It was palpable. I know I got closer to God and to a few of my friends (Shouts out to Seattle!! 🙂 ), but when I was alone, it wasn’t enough to stop the emotional overload.

Until the day I couldn’t put on mascara.

I’ll never forget that morning.

I had dragged myself out of bed. I’d found an outfit. I didn’t have the energy to do much makeup, so I figured I’d do a little mascara, lipgloss and go so I wouldn’t look how I felt. Well, because of my crying, my eyelids were so swollen that my lashes literallly laid against them. When I realized this, and saw the mascara wand effectively coating my lashes and my eyelid simultaneously, I yelled…yes, yelled (and sorry, this is what I said)

“WHAT THE F*CK!!?!????!?? Oh………HELL naw!”

And that day forward, I decided I would not have another crying bout. Yes, I may get sad. I might even get lonely…but tears stop now. A few times I’d get watery-eyed, and remember my Martin Lawrence-esque eyelids (after that fight…remember that episode?), and suck it up. I would move forward because I was awesome…even if one person didn’t see it. But no one else would if my eyes were so big that my lashes stood upright.

When Carrie broke up with Big, at the start of Season 2, she would avoid anywhere she might run into him. With that being said…I refused to avoid mascara. AND…a few weeks before that, I had just bought and opened a Dior Iconic Mascara…that’s $28 I’d have been wasting! Not the kid.

So, thank you God, Mom, Daddy, brothers and sister, great friends, and Maybelline Colossal Mascara. I wouldn’t have made it without you. And honestly, if not for that question, I would have forgotten…which is a testimony in and of itself. 😉

I hope you all had wonderful days!

Love,

–V

In honor of Aphrodite’s son’s day of work, I decided to marry this holiday with some of my favorite dates from Sex and the City, so here we go. Here are some ways to spend this day of love with your beaux, your friends, or yourself!

With a Boo

1. Go to an arcade: (Hot Child in the City, Season 3) Carrie and her comic book store owning friend, Wade Adams, spent a hot New York summer evening at an arcade. They had fun, and even used his scooter. “Wooo…look at me! I’m scooting in heels!”

2. Evening of Jazz: (Defining Moments, Season 4) Carrie and Big often went to the Blue Note to just hang as friends. That doesn’t mean it can’t be a romantic encounter for two! And, if push comes to shove, shove comes to a fist fight, and fist fight turns into a bar brawl…just look for cute bass players. Carrie did 😉 Just don’t have a menage a taxi.

3. Home Culinary Skills: (Sex and the City: The Movie) Big often cooked for Carrie…which works. Anyone, or both, can don the apron for the night. Why not look up a recipe online, and make it together.

Out with Friends

1. Attend a major event: (Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Season 2; Sex and the City: The Movie) If you and your friends don’t like the winged-arrowed one, why not head out somewhere with a large crowd? A concert, movie, or play would be a good evening out with the girls. Hey, go to an auction even…find a ring to buy yourself that’s “a little too much” (personality, not price. We are not living outside our means in 2011!)

2. Game Night: (Games People Play, Season 2) Why not round up your girls, or guys, or both, for a night of Phase 10, Taboo, Wii, or whatever. Whether you’re of the spades or bid whist generation, it’ll be fun!

3. Spa Day: (Attack of the 5’10” Woman, Season 3; The Caste System, Season 2) Carrie and her girls spent a day at the spa just hanging out. My friend and I did this once, and had a blast (minus a few sketchy moments, lol). I’m sure you can look online and find spas where you can go and enjoy the saunas, steamrooms, and whirlpools for less money.

Um…shopping goes without saying, right? lol

Solo

1. Go to a book reading: (The Big Journey, Season 5) This could also be done with friends, but either way, enjoy it! Even if you hear about a book reading and don’t want to stay, grab the book and your favorite take out, and go home for a nice relaxing evening.

2. Do something you’ve feared: (The Catch, Season 6) Never in my life would I have tried to be a trapeze artist, but what time like the present when the rest of the world is celebrating love? Fall in love with your adrenaline. If it was me, I’d probably try zip-lining. It looks fun, but terrifying!

3. Take a class to learn a skill. (Was it good for you?, Season 2) Charlotte got her friends to attend a class about improving her, um, horizontal skills, after a guy goes to sleep on her. Yeah…I’m not saying do that, but there are plenty of places where you can go and paint pottery, decorate a space, or learn how to do any number of things. Sometimes, it’s better, because you don’t have to worry about having talkative friends who make you miss hearing the directions!

I hope you are enjoying this day, no matter what. If you don’t have a someone special, I’m sure you have a few…namely great family and friends. And even if you’ve moved by yourself, you have at least someone special with you: yourself. My favorite sex and the city quote has to be from Season 6 Part 2, the final episode.

 

“The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself…and if you can find someone to love the you you love, well…that’s just fabulous.” –Carrie Bradshaw

Do you have any interesting date ideas? I’d like to know. Have an awesome day, wherever you are 🙂

Love,

-V

I am, apparently, way behind on this. I am “supposed” to already have a list of the attributes, characteristics, and/or requirements of of my future “the one”…guess I’ve been busy. On SATC, Charlotte was probably the most criticized for having a particular type. Even Carrie had the conversation about the “good on paper” guy (Season 2, “Twenty-Something Girls”…etc).

The thing is, I have no idea besides the basics – you know – attractive to me and attracted to me, won’t “Ike” me, etc… – but other than that, I like what I like. I’ve never put a whole lot of thought into it. Most of the time, I didn’t know what I liked until I did, so I guess I’ll give it a shot. Here are the things that are most likely non-negotiables for my future “the one”…or at least a wishlist:

1. Have a sense of humor. If you don’t, I probably don’t know you past acquaintances anyway (unless we’re family, which doesn’t bode well for this particular list), so that is null and void.

2. Have a general understanding for the rules of spelling and grammar. Or at least, an understanding that you don’t have an understanding for spelling and grammar. Not the “I don’t know this and I don’t care” type…but the “I don’t know this, so will you look at this for me before I send it out?” type. I remember getting a text from a guy that said “Your beautiful.” Me being me, I responded, “My beautiful what?” I thought he hit send too quickly or something. *kanye shrug*

3. Be passionate about something constructive. It doesn’t have to be something that I am interested in, but passion is attractive. As long as it isn’t passion about all genres of p*rn, I’m okay. (Or about any p*rn related activity)

4. Willing to take care of me when I’m sick. This one is a new addition, and since I’ve had it, it is now non-negotiable.

5. Be able to say when he’s angry. I mean, I’m good at deciphering moods and whatnot, but that doesn’t mean I always want to do so. I’ll even take the “I don’t really feel like talking. Can I holla at you later?”

6. Appreciate music. I mean, if you’re fond of Gucci Mane, I might have to knock you in the eyebrow, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be together… BUT, if you’re fond of Gucci Mane because you think he’s the best rapper ever…we are NOT together.

7. Give genuine compliments. If you don’t like my hair, you don’t have to say you do, but if my shoes are hot and you say so, you get brownie points.

8. Doesn’t say I “use big words”. I just can’t. I also can’t guarantee that I won’t punch you in the thoat if you do make this utterance. Yes, thoat. No r’s for you.

9. Think that Kevin Hart is funny**. It would tell me a lot about you…especially the parts you think are the funniest. Besides, if you can look at an ostrich and not laugh, we might not be together.

10. Does/doesn’t like SATC, but would be willing to watch it with me. We together 😉 And since I like football, we should be able to work out an even exchange.

11. Pray. It changes things, and it is necessary. Can’t lead me if you’re not checking in. Just saying.

12. Be able to participate in general conversation with my family, and my close group of friends. If you can’t…I’m not quite sure why we’re talking. My family and friends are probably some of the smartest and down to earth people I know, but if you can’t follow the conversation.

ADDED AFTER POSTING: 13. Be able to follow the first 4 minutes of “The Social Network”. It was awesome.

I probably have more I could think of…but none are popping to mind. What about you? What’s on your list of your future mate?

Love,

–V

P.S. Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day everyone! Whether you serve your community on a daily, or when you have the time, the freedom to do either is a blessing. So, I hope you enjoyed your day on – serving the community – or off – taking a break from the service you do on the regular – commemorating his memory.

** Here is why I can’t think of ostriches without laughing. The quality sucks, but at least the entire thing is there.

A conversation that I had with a friend (yes, you got mentioned in this post, even though you don’t read it, but I’m sure someone will let you know) gave me the most profound and idiotic insight into the male psyche after I asked him what constitutes a male thinking that a female is flirting with him:

“To a man who is interested in you, flirting is any positive interaction of any kind. ‘Hey, you dropped your $20 bill!’ can mean, ‘She wants me. Why would she hand ME back MY dub? We together.'”

I told him that was probably the most idiotic thing I’d ever heard. His response? “Might be, but it is what it is.”

Her: "What does he think of this painting, I wonder?" Him: "Oh yeah...she wants me."

Now, this isn’t just one-sided. Women can also analyze the mess out of some run-of-the-mill niceties and start picking out 2nd child names. I’m just wondering from what experiences do people’s definitions of flirting come? I’ve had several folks tell me that I’m a flirt because I smile at guys. D*mmit…I’m a happy person. Don’t hate on my joyful soul. Just because the hot-32 were aimed your way for a millisecond of life doesn’t mean I’m fantasizing about carats and how well your last name sounds with my first (or any other kind of fantasy). I was also told that I seem rather “friendly.”  I hug people that I know when I see them. Maybe it’s because I’m from the South.

We’ve all probably been in those “we together” situations in our own heads where the other person has no idea we’re even thinking that way like me and T.I. Who else has had to have a “Well, I’m flattered, but the truth is *insert nice let-down and ensuing discomfort and awkwardness*” conversation? Not just me right?

All of the girls did their share of analyzing a man’s intentions based off a message or a question. When Carrie first met Jack Berger in Season 5, she took his asking her to accompany him to the dry cleaners as a sign that he was interested (which, I’ll admit, is a bit odd; however, he could have just been enjoying her company at that moment, and wasn’t ready for the convo to end).

For the past few months, a guy who is a friend has sent me smiley faces via text. To me, I think they’re letting me know that though we haven’t had time to talk, he hasn’t forgotten about me. To others, he wants me and just hasn’t had the opportunity to get it out. *Kanye shrug*

So I’ll bite: What’s flirting to you? Wat do you do when you are truly flirting?

Love,

-V

Man is not meant to live alone. It is also my opinion that man is not meant to be around the humans for 100% of his time either. I have been going at an accelerated pace for a few weeks now…rarely having time alone unless there was toilet paper present (Note: this can also mean shower…toilet paper is present in the same vicinity when you shower. Don’t just jump straight to the #2).

This past weekend, besides climbing a mountain ( 😦 ), I had a bunch of plans. It was my friend’s birthday (Shoutout Danielle! Woooo!), I had a soror in town, another friend’s birthday celebration, and was supposed to get together with a third friend later on. Well, to make a long story short, 3 out of the 4 events either did not happen, or did not happen as planned, which left me with a pretty free Saturday night.

My first thought was to attempt to fill it with something else, but nothing worked. So, I went home. And sat there. And read. And slept. And it was fan-frickin’-tastic.

We need that time alone. It’s that time that helps to replenish us. We get an opportunity to reflect or rest, pray or sing, or simply stare at our own cuticles for 30 minutes just because we feel like it.

In Season 4 (“Just Say Yes”), Aidan moved in with Carrie after her apartment went co-op. I’m willing to argue that she ultimately said yes because she had something to lose by saying no (her place to live). Ultimately, he wanted to marry her. Her initial response was ”I’m not ready to get engaged yet, but I love you and I wanna live with you.” Even once it happened, she still was not happy. She had an issue with his greeting technique. She had to ask for him not to talk to her when she walked through the door. She simply wanted to be alone.

I may be going through that phase right now. Since I have had an opportunity to slow up a bit, I am perfectly content in my alone-ness. I get to do the things that you can only do when you are home alone: the SSBs – Secret Single Behaviors (Carrie discussed this in the next episode, “The Good Fight”). When discussing her own, she said, “I like to make a stack of saltines. I put grape jelly on them. I eat them standing up in the kitchen reading fashion magazines” (which, admittedly, is weird). For me, I like to walk through my house, straightening up in my underclothes. I can watch hours of youtube videos on how to do random beauty tasks, like fingernail designs or threading eyebrows (WHICH I have gotten pretty good at by the way).

This alone time is necessary, but how long do you go with it before you offend those who want some of your time?  Because I’m pretty happy with me, myself, and I right now. Had Charlotte acknowledged her need to be alone, she wouldn’t have cracked over some icing on a vintage skirt. 🙂

What do you think? And, what is your SSB?

Love,

-V

Samantha and "We" William

I find it interesting how many of us have run into this guy. He is the guy who calls just to say hi, who randomly makes reference to something that will happen in the 2013 (but includes you), who says things like “I can see us…” etc, etc, etc.

……………………………………and he is full of crap.

Of all the things that men use to get women, this is by far the most shady. At least to me.

What, or rather who, I’m referring to is the guy who sells a dream of future bliss to get into something more, um, current. It’s the guy who talks about seeing you as the mother of his children, the vacations you’ll take together, and all other manner of tomfoolery that he knows never crossed his mind. Several conversations with friends confirm that this is not a figment of my imagination, but rather a new technique. I mean honestly, poon-tang is that important to you that you will throw a future on the table? Really?

Even Samantha (who I rarely use as a reference here because I can’t really  relate to her personally) got got by a false-future guy. William, a guy whom she met in a club when she and the girls were on a ladies’ night outing in Season 2 (They Shoot Single People, Don’t They?). During the evening with this guy, he pretty much offered her the Hampton’s house for the summer complete with anything else she could imagine. Even Carrie narrated, “She let the ‘we’ wash over her…”, so they called him “We-William.” Of course, this guy didn’t deliver past the next 15 minutes of the show.

I am a little wary of guys who start mentioning “our wedding” within the first couple of months of meeting me (This has happened more than once since I’ve become single…I have had to reacquaint myself with the man-tricks), even in jest. I always wonder what the hidden agenda is…and there usually is one. I haven’t been wrong yet. Normally, it has to do with where they prefer a woman’s underthings to be. Silly rabbits…

Have any of you met this guy? Believed this guy? Have any of you BEEN this guy? Why? No judgement sorta. Let me know.

Love,

-V

Okay, so everytime I am determined to get in a blogging ritual (like updates Mondays, Thursdays, and Sundays or the like), something happens to throw off my schedule. A friend of mine’s apartment was burglarized, so I stayed with her a few days until her jitters were gone.

Now, on to the subject.

One of my favorite montages in Sex and the City is one where Carrie is obsessing about her break up with Big to her friends in Season 2, right before they make her go see a therapist. She isn’t doing a “why did he leave me” obsess…but a “I am so much better than I thought he was” obsess.

That’s how I’m feeling right now. Not the obsession part, but the clarity on who I was in the relationship. I truly thought I had someone special, and that I was lacking something that caused the demise of the relationship. After today, I realized that I was the thing that made him special, and now he’s regular all over again. Doing regular foolishness that regular folks do. The only reason I couldn’t see it is because he still has my “oh-so-special” heart shining some quite flattering HD light. Well snitches, the countdown is on. The lightbulb has an expiration date that is quickly approaching.

In the words of Carrie, “I’m smart. I’m funny. I was totally the poof of the relationship. So it’s best I know now…so I can go poof someone else.”

I’m headed to Cozumel in a week with my cousins, and trust me, there will be no Mexi-coma.

I hope you are having a great week! 🙂

Love,

-V

Sex and the City 2 Poster

Carrie On.

There is one thing that you should know about me: I am a fanatic (clearly, since I started a blog based on my favorite show). I will sit on youtube watching what seems like hours of makeup tutorials. I watch commentaries of movies and shoes I like. I watch one Jay-Z (or T.I.) interview after another to find out any information that I didn’t already know. And…I’ve been planning my outfit for the Sex & the City 2 premiere for at least two months now. I have two pairs of shoes bought (also in consolation/celebration of being single), and I’m pretty sure that I shouldn’t buy anymore shoes for the rest of 2010.

First, I bought a pair of Manolo Blahniks. Now, in 2008, I was looking for a pair to go to the first movie, and got a giraffe skinned mule. But, when I was checking it’s validity on neimanmarcus.com, I came across this pair. I loved them, but they were not what I was looking for. I was actually looking for the Manolos that were black with an electric blue feather, but I decided they costed too much (to my chagrin, Sarah Jessica Parker had them on the cover of Vogue the month of the movie’s premiere, but in ivory). I saw these on the website and fell in love with them, because I knew I could wear them other than for the movie. Well…guess what I found on Ebay in my size???

Woo!

Oh, the happiness!
So now, I decide that I want to take it to the next level…after all, I’m going to see the movie here in Atlanta, and when I go home to Louisiana for Memorial Day. So…I came upon these beauties.
Christian Louboutin Chiffon Platforms

Christian Louboutin Chiffon Platforms

I’m in love.
 
And happy.
 
And with significantly less money than when I started shopping. I started to punk out of getting them (even though I kind of had the money), and all of my friends said “Girl, you don’t have a husband or any kids. I can’t make purchases like that without it being okay’d by a committee. Celebrate this moment, because you may not get it again. THIS, if nothing else, is one of the perks of being single.”
 
Believe it or not folks, I wasn’t making major purchases, because I thought this type of spending frivolous if one was saving for a wedding. 😐
 
Both pair now sit in my closet.
 
Happy SATC 2 to me 😉
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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