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You see this?
It was posted on Instagram by @alex_elle (Alexandra Elle). It spoke to me. Read it.
It is a part of her #anote2self campaign. Her idea is that “we all need reminders” and she invites people to use the hashtag and write their own notes.
This particular one spoke to me because I’ve had a rough year. It is probably been rougher than most realize or understand, that’s for sure. However, on this day…this particular day in February…it’s so easy to focus on what we don’t have or to look to the next level as more important than the one we’re in. So I just wanted to share this #anote2self: You are enough.
It seems like sometimes in life when we keep getting two to the body, and one to the head, we get used to rolling with the punches. What happens is that when we finally stop, we realize that we are bruised. Battered. Beaten. We never give ourselves time to heal between blows. Maybe because we are so used to pressing on. To dusting ourselves off. And when we finally stop…we may not recognize ourselves. We may doubt our abilities. Our gifts. Our value. Our anything. So this reminder is that you are enough.
In “Attack of the 5’10” Woman” (Season 3…my favorite season), Carrie was almost desperate to show Natasha that she was fabulous. When that opportunity didn’t present itself, she felt like less and less. That was because through all of her heartache, she had begun to feel like less and less…but never stopped. My favorite part of that episode is when Charlotte told Carrie in the midst of her obsession: “Listen to you. You don’t have to prove anything. You are stunning… intelligent… and funny.” Carrie’s response was, “Wow! Why can’t you do that for yourself?”
Sometimes we can’t. Sometimes we feel so let down or rejected that it clouds our ability to see value in ourselves. You feel enough pain and you get tired. You believe your worst critique. The value is pushed down deep and possibly covered. But it’s there. And no matter who didn’t see it, who didn’t want it, who can’t stand it…it’s there. And you are enough.
So, just let yourself heal. It’s God’s battle anyway. 🙂
I’m not sure if anyone needed that, but this is #anote2self…so if it isn’t for anyone else, I’ll take it. So no matter how much I’ve been hurt, or feel sad or down, I have to know that I am enough. Even if it’s just because God said so.
Have a Happy Valentine’s Day.
Love,
–V
There are a few nostalgic moments in a relationship: Butterflies at a phone call, first kiss, the odd/awkward “are we together?” exclusive conversation, saying “I Love You”, and meeting the parents…
…but um…about that last one. Is that subjective? Like, does meeting someone’s parents show specific and important intent? For me, because my family and I are so close, if I was dating some random person, he could have met my mom just because she’s in town…and she’s made of awesome. It actually had nothing to do with my feelings for him, but rather, my feelings for her (shout-out to you if you really love your mom-dukes!). There have been many a person who met my mom, sister, best friend, etc…just because. However, I’ve found that if you are meeting the men in my family, you are important to me.
"Where I come from...meeting the parents? Oh so big." --Carrie to Aidan
Carrie had two encounters with parents: Big, whose mother she desperately wanted to meet…hmm…let me rephrase that. She desperately wanted for Big to want to introduce her. And then there was Aidan’s parents who she met once she scared herself (Season 1, “Oh Come All Ye Faithful; Season 3, “Drama Queens”). Mostly, it was about what meeting the parents represented: For Big, that she was “the One”…(which he said she wasn’t, but totally offered her an all expenses paid vacation. I can’t lie…I’d have gone and just been mad on the plane.) For Aidan, that she was “the One” – something she wasn’t ready for. But is it parent specific?
My mom and my sister are very close to me, so anyone around can meet them because they’re awesome. My brothers? Um…you gotta mean at least more than a little bit of something to me. But meeting my daddy??? Big chips right there buddy, Big Chips.
My dad isn’t nice for nice sake. He’s political, confrontational, argumentative, and always right. He’s a Lakers and Saints fan, and all hell and damnation to anyone who feels differently. He remembers facts and details down to the nth degree. He’s a conspiracy theorist. He was kicked out of school for participation in a protest. He’s in school for his PhD as we speak. He has a dry and sarcastic sense of humor, and is a bit more irritable in his age. And I love him for it. So do you think I would let any old body just meet my dad? Hell, you need to be trained and I need to be planning for you to be around for a while.
My best friend probably goes on this list as well. Because we don’t see each other often, we have to make a specific trip for introductions to be made. If this occurs, we are probably together for real.
Who is the person that your significant other has to meet for it to be “serious”? Is it traditional…like your parents? Or more non-traditional, like your barber? Berger had to meet the “Prada”…Do tell 🙂
Love,
–V
P.S. My boyfriend is coming home with me for Thanksgiving. Pray, lol.
DISCLAIMER: Anyone that I have ever dated, please don’t take this personally if/when you read this. It isn’t personal…I’m actually trying to be objective. I’m not sure that I am saying anything offensive, but if I am, that isn’t the intent. K? Thanks. –mgmt.
There must be "closed-offedness" coming from the heels or the hair...
I have found that I attract a certain type of guy. They are very different fundamentally, but they generally have a small set of things in common. My common core, if you will. They aren’t physical attributes, but skill/talent attributes.
They are funny, are skilled with the written word, and know how to run game because they claim to be are reformed hos.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that every guy I’ve dealt with has run game on me (I’m not NOT saying that either…just to be clear); I’m simply saying that the ability for him to do so was present in his skill set. I have never been able to be with someone who could not make me laugh. As an English teacher, I obviously am fond of language. But, this running game thing is different. I’m realizing that it is a weird mix of the previous two; a hybrid of a comedian and a wordsmith.
Carrie was similar. Every guy she saw herself with for real was closed to her in someway. The only person who wasn’t was Aidan, and look how well that worked out. Big was closed with his feelings, Berger was closed with his masculinity, and Petrovsky was closed with his ideas and ability to compromise. It is obvious that Carrie loved “The Chase” which she even referenced while dating Aidan and why she felt so uncomfortable. She said, “No, it’s just, well, it’s just, it feels odd. You know, I’m used to the hunt, and this is effortless. It’s, just, it’s freaking me out” (Season 3, “Drama Queens”). So, it’s obvious what her issues her.
What the heck are mine? What about me is attracting game runners? I’m a very direct person, so I’m not engaging in verbal wrestling. I don’t have a vast relationship past or history. What is it??
Do you have a type that seems to gravitate your way?
I hope you’ve been doing well in the past month. My birthday is this Saturday coming up, so I am excited that my family is coming to visit!
Love,
–V
I know it’s been awhile, but trust me, I wish it hadn’t been. I still don’t have time to write…so I’ll do a quick update via pictures. Remember when Miranda was trying to make partner? Yeah, it’s like that…except no partnership. That blows.
That about sums it up. I miss writing…I’m going to write a real update by the end of the week. I have so much material!!
I hope your days are less busy, unless it’s in a good way!
Love,
–V
P.S. And yes…I got my superheroine shoes! *giddy*
I was reading my daily dose of Very Smart Brothas, and today’s post stuck out to me. It’s basically about why ugly men can give solid relationship advice (you should totally go read it; I love their writing style. I have literally laughed aloud on several occasions).
This stuck out to me because a friend and I were just having a conversation about attractiveness to some degree. Without going into too much detail, the summary of the convo was about how to him, attractiveness is a major, albeit shallow, necessity in any woman he plans to take seriously. For me, I can be in a relationship with someone and not be attracted to him. I’ve done it before. I wasn’t necessarily attracted to my ex when we met. Quoting a part of the aforementioned blog, it pretty much goes like this:
But there’s also that little tidbit that most women either refuse to acknowledge or refuse to believe that it could happen to them. The most marginal man can book a decent to above average woman as long as he’s *WHAT CLASS?*…
…funny.
And me? I’m thebomb.com/imawesome.
We’ve talked about this before, but all women need to keep them interested, generally, is a good laugh. Not saying she’s going to give up the cotton immediately, but if you make a woman laugh she’ll at least listen a little bit longer. A smart ugly man will hone his comedic sensibilities because that’s really all he has…his gift of gab. So let’s say a funny ugly dude has the gift of gab and manages to charm the pants off of women…or has money. This cat can rack up chicks. We’ve all seen it happen.
He has a point. Even my husband T.I. has been quoted saying “Two kinds of men will never have a problem getting women…bad boys and comedians.”
And even though it didn’t last, it even worked for Samantha. Remember 
Samantha and the short dude, the one who she was trying to figure out if he was just a short guy or a short person, and freaked out when his suit jacking said “Bloomingdale’s Boy’s Department” (Season 3, “Politically Erect”)? Yep, he made her giggle.
The point is this: attractiveness can vary based on situation. There was a guy I met once who was gorgeous on first meeting, and once he started talking, every possible facial flaw was accentuated. When I was in high school, I talked to this guy who looked like a moncheechee because on the phone, his personality shone through (I did, however, get surprised everytime I saw him. Okay, that was a no go once I made it to the third time I jumped on-sight, lol).
Does it happen all the time? No. Can it happen and be okay? Yes. The blog posts continues to say
I remember on the post that shall remain nameless how somebody said that my only real asset in life was my personality. But wow…what an asset. If I looked like Kid and was a douche, well yeah, I might be short in life. But I’m fun. And do you know what women like? Fun guys. And you know what happens to women who are around fun guys? They end up interested. Even accidentally. That coupled with women just being better people in general and more willing to take a shot on happiness as opposed to superficiality (in general) and you can end up with more women than you can shake your stick at.
A friend of mine reminds our circle of guy friends on an almost weekly basis to “date for your priorities, not just your preferences”. Sounds about accurate.
What say you? Can you give someone a chance who isn’t your “physical type” as a guy, or is that just a woman thing? Hope you’re having a great week! 🙂
Love,
–V
"Somebody stop him! He took my strappy sandals!" --C. B.
There is a horrible feeling that accompanies being stolen from. It’s a mixture of fear, sadness, rage, general anger, and vulnerability (Fadnessangrageability? Whatever). It’s even worse when it seems like no one else is concerned.
Sometime last week, a student stole my iPod. It was in my desk drawer (in the corner of my room) while I was out helping with interviews for an open position in our school. Another professional was assigned to my room…yet, my goods are gone. What made it worse was that the stupid position couldn’t even be filled due to a deadline that had elapsed before we started interviewing. Talk about 38-hot! I didn’t realize the theft for a few days, because I thought maybe I had taken it home and misplaced it. It wasn’t confirmed until a student made a general mention of it. Grrrr……….
When Carrie’s famous, or infamous, experience with a robbery happened in Season 3’s “What Goes Around Comes Around”, the most memorable part for me besides the line itself was that when she expressed her outrage to a room of people, they continued on with their daily activities without batting an eyelash. None of the employees or customers of that nail place cared, and it wasn’t until her friend arrived that she got any type of support.
When my iPod was stolen, I was more than irritated. I was upset that I didn’t even have to be out of the room, and upset that everyone in authority over me seemed to have a “Really? Wow…that sucks,” type of attitude. It wasn’t until a friend, who happens to be the officer in the building was informed that things began to happen. What was even worse was that a student saw, but will not tell because he said “It breaks the code, and I ain’t no snitch!” #poppycock
Have you been stolen from? How did you feel? What did you do?
I tells ya, it was a rough week or so. Sorry for being so gone, but as you can see…this has been some foolishness. Yay for spring break though. It feels great to be home 🙂
Love,
–V
Everyone I know has been talking about men and their potential, and how women either need to look for it, work with it, or ignore it. My friends and I have had several conversations about the woman’s kryptonite, potential. Some feel that as long as a squinting woman thinks she can see it with bifocals on, men have it made in the shade. Others believe it is up to women to cultivate that potential. Even others believe that unless a man with potential has made some visible steps towards action, leave him alone.
My view is a mixture of them all. I like potential. It can be refreshing. I do have issue with having to be the catalyst for you to start moving. What happens if I am not there? Or if we have a falling out…does all movement stop? I am a firm believer in intrinsic motivation. If you are counting on an outside party to motivate you, that thing becomes a variable which can shift. A friend of mine and I were discussing this while watching The Book of Eli (I hadn’t seen it, and most of my friends gave me the side eye when they found out. She let me borrow her copy.), and she said, “It’s like Carrie and the cigarettes.” She immediately followed this statement by saying, “I’m around you too much. I’m starting to speak in Sex and the City.” Lol…Don’t ever fight the feeling when you feel it. (It’s a good day when you can reference Day 26…or maybe not…whatever)
All jokes aside, she had a point. I said, “I’m pretty sure I’m going to write about this.” In Season 3, (No Ifs, Ands, or Butts) Carrie gave 
up cigarettes to date Aidan. She hadn’t been thinking about giving them up, but it was a non-negotiable for him (at least at the time). Her friends even encouraged him being a good reason to stop, even when Carrie said (in what I thought sound judgment) “When I want to quit, I’ll quit, but it won’t be because some guy told me to.” By the end of that show, she flushes her cigarettes down the toilet (is that safe? I always thought there could’ve been a better way to do that, lol), and proudly puts on a patch. This is the 5th episode of the season, but by episode 9 she not only biblically “know” Big again, she’s smoking too! All of this when separated from her inspiration? Hmm…
This is my point. When all someone has is proximity potential – the potential that only seems to move into action when in the proximity of an inspiration – they can be a good person, but how likely is it for things to retard when out of range? While I love potential, there should be some sure kinetic signs before I invest. All I’m saying is that if you tell me your dream is to sell snowcones in Hawaii, I’m with you. I’m probably checking and comparing kart prices…but I’m not giving them to you until you mention that you found a spot to set it up.
What say you? I hope you’ve had an awesome week!…and I want my hour back daylight savings 
Love,
–V
P.S. Praying for Japan, and the people and families around the world affected by the tsunami.
Last night, two friends came over and we watched my admittedly favorite season of Sex and the City (Season 3). We started at the beginning with “Where There’s Smoke” and so many blog post options came about, but I decided to write about leftovers.
In this case, I am not talking about food. I’m talking about issues. I have talked at length about how slow I’m taking it, but I am now recognizing that one of the major reasons for my SlowPoke Rodriguez is the issues that were created as a result of my breakup. I have never had issues of this sort before, but now they are rearing their ugly heads. I find it difficult to believe anything without proof, and this has a lot to do with the lies of my ex. I think it’s only an issue because I chose to move past every lie I discovered, thinking that we were moving forward. That, my friends, was my fault in hindsight.
In this episode when Carrie met the politician, he offered to buy her a drink, which she declined until he gave a reason that didn’t
seem threatening to her. He asked for her address, which she only gave after he explained that he would only use it for the official government purpose of telling her voting district. He asked for her number, which she chose not to give. He asked if it was a bad break-up, and was rewarded with a silence (and a half).
The entire theme of this episodes was being rescued as a princess; however, each woman fought it tooth and nail, or accepted the appearance when it didn’t add up. Miranda didn’t want Steve to help her get home after eye surgery. Charlotte allowed her “white knight’s” appearance to overcloud his reality. Samantha tried to create her own fantasy, and only ended up embarrassed.
This is what I wonder. It can’t be that easy to find the line between pulling back and going full throttle. If it was, everyone would understand relationships overnight. And even when you get past the surface of your pain, the undercurrents are harder to heal. Carrie put it best by saying, “I was so burned in my last relationship that I was terrified of leaping off into the next one.” Even when her guy showed an act of faith of showing up, she sat there fully dressed and refused to give in to his request. It took Miranda to put it into perspective. That realization gave her the courage to share with the politician that it was a bad breakup, and she needed to take things slowly. I recently had a conversation with a friend about
this, and she said something very profound. She said, “Your fear is hand in and with some void that you have yet to discover. It is important to find it before you hurt him. He can’t pay for what he didn’t do. And you aren’t even doing anything to him, but your refusal to act can do even a little bit of damage that isn’t deserved.”
Good point.
You have to deal with your leftovers. As anyone can tell you, leftovers left too long are just a mess to clean up, but the sooner you do it, the better. Then maybe, like Miranda, I’ll be able to see him, or whoever, more clearly. Because obviously, “Where There’s Smoke…”…there IS fire.
I hope you all had wonderful weekends. I enjoyed our rainy weekend, and got much-needed rest.
Love,
–V
Everyone has wondered about this at least once.
So today, I had a really interesting day at work. It started discouraging because of frustration about a strategy to help a student, but it ended on a high note because in a separate class, I saw true growth with some of my most challenging students. I was having a conversation with my co-teacher who stepped into the last class (we co-teach in the first class), and said that the ability I have to keep my students engaged has to be a superpower. She exclaimed, “She’s leaping whole schools in a single bound!” We kinda laughed about it, but it got me to thinking…
What kind of Superhero would I be? (Oh yeah, this is a light and airy kind of day)
American Maid
I used to think about what kind of superpower I would want if I could have one. I think I’ve got it. I’d
be a mix of American Maid from “The Tick” and Angelina Jolie in…well…almost anything where Angelina Jolie is doing Angelina Jolie-type things, you know, like “Mr. and Mrs. Wanted Tourist in 60 Seconds for a Tomb Raider” or something. I’d need to be able to wield a stiletto as a weapon, but have my hair down and a serious cat-eye.
I mean, anyone who could take out bad guys with hoop earrings on has to be cool, lol. And I’d prefer to be in these shoes…
...please and thank you
Wait…I can’t throw those. Hmm…maybe I’d need to ensure my shoes were like boomerang shoes. But I digress…
In Season 3 (Hot Child in the City), Carrie met Wade Adams a comic book store owner, who piqued her interest by drawing her as a superhero.
It was a rather cute way to get her attention, even if this did ultimately present a problem…(this will be a later post, but I needed to break up some of the seriousness of the topics). It was enough for her to indulge fantasy and playfulness. Everyone needs that kind of release.
So, do you have a “superhero” you? I swear, every time I wear this certain pair of black platform high heels with pink soles, I become Mrs. Smith 8) I even play theme music in my head. Hey, don’t judge me.
- Feminine Bad Chick
...better duck! lol
Love,
–V
FYI (since I talked about it last week)…today would’ve been my six year anniversary. Um…in the words of Jay-Z, that “only gets half a bar…” (I only really remember this because I have a great memory. I found a girl I went to elementary school with in the checkout line at Kroger the other day. I literally have not seen her, or a picture of her since 1993.)
Anyway, this past weekend I took a mini-vacation with my friends. We went to Panama City Beach and truly had a wonderful time. The lack of posting was due to all the schoolwork I needed to do during the week to be able to take off the weekend. It was wonderful. We jet-skiied. We parasailed (which was made of awesome). We went to the beach at the crack of dawn (yeah, I wasn’t happy about that one), played The Michael Jackson Experience on Wii, and came back playing Phase 10.
Sunset after Parasailing...God is the best artist.
Anyway, we do what we do best: talk. We have conversation after conversation. Some of it is silly yet profound, like using Finding Nemo as the basis to why women aren’t submissive, and why some parents seem to baby or attempt to enable their kids instead of preparing them for the future (Yeah, this conversation really happened). Sometimes it’s Pinky and the Brain – our attempt to take over the world (for the better…improve it and whatnot). Often it’s about our faith, but a lot of the time it is about relationships.
We had this conversation about attitudes and relationships. One of my friends is of the opinion that women, people in general but mostly women, only have their hard-edged attitudes because they are not with their 11. I, at least currently, think that my mindset shapes my attitude or lack thereof. Do all of our theories on relationships only apply because we haven’t met a person to supersede our ideals, or would they be there regardless because of mentality? Is it the man, or the mirror? Hmm…
Remember this convo?
Carrie: Do you remember how Big used to keep me away from his mother, like I was som
e kind of leper?
Miranda: I remember.
Carrie: And how pissed it used to make me?
Miranda: I remember!
Carrie: Well now, Aidan’s offering up both his parents on a silver platter, and I’m not sure I want to meet them.
Carrie did this in her first go round with Aidan (Season 3, “Drama Queens). She was very weird with him for a time, and it’s mostly because the mentality created by Big and a bevy of other failed relationships conditioned her to be used to “the chase”. With him, at that time, it’s was nothing but calm seas and not a cloud in sight. He wanted her to meet his parents, and she thought that it was too much, too soon. Is this really her inner self telling her that he was not “The One”, or her conditioning that if she tries for this, she’ll only end up hurt like she was with Big (who was completely uncomfortable with the thought of her and his mother sharing the same air).
It’s a crapshoot for me, but I’m leaning towards mental conditioning rather than the man. What say you?
Love,
–V
Sex and the City Psychology 