*sigh*

I would really rather write about anything else right now, but nothing else is coming to mind (probably because this is the only thing on my mind).

A friend of mine once told me that one of the scariest things in the world to her as a child was the monkey bars. When I asked her to expound upon this, she said, “The monkey bars provided you with exhilirating options about what you would experience; however, you had to let go of the lower bars just to get up there. Scariest thing I remember…just letting go.”

In Season 5 (“Catch”), Carrie was researching a new “singles” activity, the

"...I Can't!!"

 flying trapeze. Once she did something a little out of her comfort zone, she became hooked! What she couldn’t do was let go of the bar to reach out and catch the hands of another. It was too far past what she was comfortable. She attempted twice, and she refused to take her hands off the bar. It got me to thinking about the next relationship, friendship, job offer, etc… Why is it hard to let go of the bar?

A friend of mine has been very, um, clear…yeah, we’ll go with clear…about what his intentions are towards me. He has done the nicest things, been a good person, and seems to be forthright…but I have a vice grip on that bar. I say things like, “Well, I hope you’re telling the truth.” It’s my defense mechanism. Whenever something seems off-kilter, whether it is or not, I do what my friend describes as “ostriching” – sticking my head in the sand to step away from what is currently causing me discomfort. He has started to call me on it. He wants to know why I don’t believe what he says…why I don’t trust him. I told him it’s not him I don’t trust; it’s trust that I don’t trust. It hasn’t worked out too well for me before I guess. Benefit of the doubt and all that jazz.

Well, letting go is not a place of strength. It makes you vulnerable. Once you’ve experienced a not-so-nice feeling – whether it was hitting the ground off the monkey bars, betrayal from a friend, or a broken heart – our natural instinct of self preservation activates to stop any semblance of that same issue. The problem then becomes that you can’t experience the benefits either.

So while I’m not sure I’m ready to leap, my fingers aren’t as tight. We’ll see. But I know one thing, I’m so happy to have a great safety net: faith, family, and friends. You guys are awesome 🙂

What about you guys? Are you leaping?

Love,

-V

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