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DISCLAIMER: Anyone that I have ever dated, please don’t take this personally if/when you read this. It isn’t personal…I’m actually trying to be objective. I’m not sure that I am saying anything offensive, but if I am, that isn’t the intent. K? Thanks. –mgmt.
There must be "closed-offedness" coming from the heels or the hair...
I have found that I attract a certain type of guy. They are very different fundamentally, but they generally have a small set of things in common. My common core, if you will. They aren’t physical attributes, but skill/talent attributes.
They are funny, are skilled with the written word, and know how to run game because they claim to be are reformed hos.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that every guy I’ve dealt with has run game on me (I’m not NOT saying that either…just to be clear); I’m simply saying that the ability for him to do so was present in his skill set. I have never been able to be with someone who could not make me laugh. As an English teacher, I obviously am fond of language. But, this running game thing is different. I’m realizing that it is a weird mix of the previous two; a hybrid of a comedian and a wordsmith.
Carrie was similar. Every guy she saw herself with for real was closed to her in someway. The only person who wasn’t was Aidan, and look how well that worked out. Big was closed with his feelings, Berger was closed with his masculinity, and Petrovsky was closed with his ideas and ability to compromise. It is obvious that Carrie loved “The Chase” which she even referenced while dating Aidan and why she felt so uncomfortable. She said, “No, it’s just, well, it’s just, it feels odd. You know, I’m used to the hunt, and this is effortless. It’s, just, it’s freaking me out” (Season 3, “Drama Queens”). So, it’s obvious what her issues her.
What the heck are mine? What about me is attracting game runners? I’m a very direct person, so I’m not engaging in verbal wrestling. I don’t have a vast relationship past or history. What is it??
Do you have a type that seems to gravitate your way?
I hope you’ve been doing well in the past month. My birthday is this Saturday coming up, so I am excited that my family is coming to visit!
Love,
–V
I am, apparently, way behind on this. I am “supposed” to already have a list of the attributes, characteristics, and/or requirements of of my future “the one”…guess I’ve been busy. On SATC, Charlotte was probably the most criticized for having a particular type. Even Carrie had the conversation about the “good on paper” guy (Season 2, “Twenty-Something Girls”…etc).
The thing is, I have no idea besides the basics – you know – attractive to me and attracted to me, won’t “Ike” me, etc… – but other than that, I like what I like. I’ve never put a whole lot of thought into it. Most of the time, I didn’t know what I liked until I did, so I guess I’ll give it a shot. Here are the things that are most likely non-negotiables for my future “the one”…or at least a wishlist:
1. Have a sense of humor. If you don’t, I probably don’t know you past acquaintances anyway (unless we’re family, which doesn’t bode well for this particular list), so that is null and void.
2. Have a general understanding for the rules of spelling and grammar. Or at least, an understanding that you don’t have an understanding for spelling and grammar. Not the “I don’t know this and I don’t care” type…but the “I don’t know this, so will you look at this for me before I send it out?” type. I remember getting a text from a guy that said “Your beautiful.” Me being me, I responded, “My beautiful what?” I thought he hit send too quickly or something. *kanye shrug*
3. Be passionate about something constructive. It doesn’t have to be something that I am interested in, but passion is attractive. As long as it isn’t passion about all genres of p*rn, I’m okay. (Or about any p*rn related activity)
4. Willing to take care of me when I’m sick. This one is a new addition, and since I’ve had it, it is now non-negotiable.
5. Be able to say when he’s angry. I mean, I’m good at deciphering moods and whatnot, but that doesn’t mean I always want to do so. I’ll even take the “I don’t really feel like talking. Can I holla at you later?”
6. Appreciate music. I mean, if you’re fond of Gucci Mane, I might have to knock you in the eyebrow, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be together… BUT, if you’re fond of Gucci Mane because you think he’s the best rapper ever…we are NOT together.
7. Give genuine compliments. If you don’t like my hair, you don’t have to say you do, but if my shoes are hot and you say so, you get brownie points.
8. Doesn’t say I “use big words”. I just can’t. I also can’t guarantee that I won’t punch you in the thoat if you do make this utterance. Yes, thoat. No r’s for you.
9. Think that Kevin Hart is funny**. It would tell me a lot about you…especially the parts you think are the funniest. Besides, if you can look at an ostrich and not laugh, we might not be together.
10. Does/doesn’t like SATC, but would be willing to watch it with me. We together 😉 And since I like football, we should be able to work out an even exchange.
11. Pray. It changes things, and it is necessary. Can’t lead me if you’re not checking in. Just saying.
12. Be able to participate in general conversation with my family, and my close group of friends. If you can’t…I’m not quite sure why we’re talking. My family and friends are probably some of the smartest and down to earth people I know, but if you can’t follow the conversation.
ADDED AFTER POSTING: 13. Be able to follow the first 4 minutes of “The Social Network”. It was awesome.
I probably have more I could think of…but none are popping to mind. What about you? What’s on your list of your future mate?
Love,
–V
P.S. Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day everyone! Whether you serve your community on a daily, or when you have the time, the freedom to do either is a blessing. So, I hope you enjoyed your day on – serving the community – or off – taking a break from the service you do on the regular – commemorating his memory.
** Here is why I can’t think of ostriches without laughing. The quality sucks, but at least the entire thing is there.
"What the heck am I doing?"
You know when you meet someone who is just “alright”? Intelligent enough to not make you crack jokes on him in your head while trying not to roll your eyes in real life; attractive enough to be seen with him in a restaurant; interesting enough to keep you laughing; all the while you are not foreseeing anything resembling seriousness.
This does not, however, stop you fromt wanting to throw yourself at him on a random Tuesday for no apparent reason. It doesn’t even make sense to your own self. It happens to the best of us folks. I think I’ve figured it out possibly, maybe…well, not really. It’s because he has what we good old HBCU graduates call a “mouthpiece”. He knows how to string a few words together that sound good enough to be tempting, but not too much to get a “boy, please.” Whatever his thing is…aloofness, silliness, seriousness…he uses it just enough to pique your interest, and your mind does the rest.
Carrie Bradshaw had several of these. Vince Vaughn played an “agent” who turned out to be a personal assistant, but had just enough game to rope her in. So did the politician in Season 2…until he wanted to pee on her. Noticing a pattern. Generally, this guy may have some issue that his game covers up. So ladies, be afraid…be very afraid. Trust me…I know.
Love,
-V
Chris Rock said it best in “Never Scared”…the number one reason why your girlfriend or wife is mad at you is because you “ain’t her first choice!!” Many women laughed (or chuckled under their breath) at this, because in many cases it is true. It may not remain true for always, but at some point, it may have been true.
So how do you know “The One That Got Away?” It’s the guy you think about when things are rocky. It’s the guy of whom you still have the fondest memories. And, he may not have earned the title “The One Who Got Away” because you broke up with him thinking that there was something better, or because you wronged him in some way (though this is the most common way). It could have been timing, distance, etc… I remember the moment I realized when an old friend was the one who got away. It was the night I received a text from him and he wanted to share with me his happiness that he was engaged because his then girlfriend, now wife, said yes! I was sitting next to my ex (at that point, we had been together for three years), read the text, responded with a “Congratulations friend! I’m so happy for you!!!”, went into the bathroom, and cried my little heart out.
I was hurt. I can say it was because they were engaged and I still was not. I can even say it’s because you always want to have better relationship news than any ex-whatever. But, I know it was because I knew I considered him “The One That Got Away.”
Now, I probably won’t always feel that way, but at the time I did. I had the fondest memories of us sitting in the library, studying during prime “hangout at the union” hours at my colleagiate alma mater, or him convincing me to skip class because I had such horrible cramps so he could take me out for ice cream. I even remember the horrified (yet cute) look on his face when I enlightened him on some roaches ability to fly. I could probably continue to list things that still make me smile to this day…which is even more evidence about the then impending doom. *smh*
Carrie had her “face the one who got away” moment in Season 6, running from seeing Berger only to run into the one who got away…twice. She had to face the guy who was probably the sweetest to her overall, Aidan. And his baby. And his wife. Miranda wanted to tell Steve she loved him, only to have
him let her know she didn’t have to worry about him crowding her anymore because he was dating someone else, and he “wasn’t in love with her anymore.” Even Charlotte’s big ego almost cost her Harry.
So do you have a one that got away? Were you the one that got away…i.e. Someone’s “Song Cry”? I’ve experienced both. The former sucks a lot worse than the latter.
Walking away from the life that could've been yours...
Love,
-V
Sex and the City Psychology 