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So, for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been all in my feelings. I feel some kind of way about that, lol (See what I did there?)

Creatively, that’s been good. A lot of writing…blogs, poetry, song flips, etc… But, for my own brain? It’s in overload. Even when I’m trying to not think about something, I start thinking about why I’m trying not to think about it. That’s a cycle of suckiness. Hmmm… (lol)

So, this is where my thoughts went today: Things I miss about being in a good relationship (or at least a relationship when it was good). My past relationships had some good parts. My future ones will too. Some of these things I’ve never experienced, but I hope I will. I guess some of these are pre-missings. And these won’t be duty-based things, like someone to take out the trash. Just those little together things…

1. Tailor-made personal touches. One of my exes, when we were about to leave each other, he would pick my hand up, kiss the palm, and then take my finger tips and put them between his lips like you would if you were blotting lipstick. (Does this make sense?) It made me giggle. He didn’t do it as often near the end of our relationship, and I noticed. It was personal, at least to me, like that scene in FaceOff where John Travolta’s family all had a sign of affection that they did to each other all the time.

2. Movie Day. Some of the best days I can remember with anyone I’d ever dated were those impromptu days when you just ended up watching movies for a majority of the day. This was especially interesting if the other party had never seen the movie. Because of the type of movies I like, guys normally haven’t seen them, or have seen them and like them. So we’re either cracking up, or discussing. My best movie days normally had my legs across the lap of the guy. Not too close, not too far away (and if I fall asleep and he has to pee…he’s not held prisoner, nor am I awakened, lol. It’s a really good relationship if he comes back and puts them back across his lap.)

3. Dissecting Music. Generally, anyone I’ve been involved with loved music in one respect or another, so I remember long car trips listening to a series of Jay-Z or OutKast albums. And, even more recently, having conversations about harmonies and vocal qualities. I bond over things like that. It was really good if he liked/likes to hear me sing (because I’m always singing… Every song has a soprano part around me, lol.)

4. Neck Kisses and Good Hugs. I’ll keep all the more physical examples in one. There isn’t much explanation needed for this. I’ve always liked those, lol. Neck kisses, especially from behind (you know, like when you’re cooking or something) make me smile the biggest, shyest smile. Good hugs make me happy for the rest of the day.

5. Inside Jokes. Man…Honestly, I probably miss this more than anything. I don’t think I’ve had an inside joke with anyone I was actually dating in forever. I may have had times where I was making fun of them or being sarcastic based on something only the two of us know, but that’s not the same. I mean, to see something, it remind us of a private moment, and we laugh.

6. Hearing “My Girl”. *deep sigh* moving on…

7. Finding Cards to Give/Hide/Etc. I LOVE cards. I like giving them and getting the reaction, and receiving them and reading them over and over (Yep, I’m a re-reader, lol). I remember once, I woke up at 4am and snuck out the house to someone’s car to put a card on their windshield before he got up for work. I also write in the cards too…as if the message in it wasn’t enough. Maybe that makes me sappy… Whatever. I was at one point. I wonder will I be again?

8. Taking impromptu pictures. Silly. Looking in love. Weird. All of them.

9. Calling/texting to tell random information. I remember texting an ex once to tell him that Sonic had chicken sandwiches on sale. Um…WHY are they on SALE? Why are you trying to get rid of them? I don’t want that. Sonic is trying to kill me. (That was the general strand of the text…lots of laughs and chiming in on my conspiracy theory.)

10. Saying “I love you” when leaving each others presence. I’m not overly-emotional, but I am sentimental. Maybe that’s where this whole list comes from.

One thing I always found interesting in the dynamic of Big and Carrie’s relationship is that she there were things she was comfortable doing with him that she was never comfortable doing with everyone else. She never laughed with Petrovsky. She changed herself for Aidan. She watched her words around Berger. I always liked how she just liked being with Big, whether they were in or out. He called her Kid. They dissected people.

Anyway…hopefully, I’ll be out of my feelings soon. I’m a G, and I’m one Amerie/Teedra Moses/Vivian Green/Musiq/Erykah Badu song away from being a punk. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

What are your favorite random things you do in your relationship? Or, if you’re not in one, what things are you looking forward to doing again?


V 🙂

P.S. In case you want to hear the kinds of songs stuck in my head…here’s a perfect example:




“I sparked with this person. I never spark.” –Carrie Bradshaw

How many times do you find someone who you hit it off with immediately? So assuming you’re my age (29), in the past 10 years, when was the last time you’ve found someone that you meshed with immediately? What…like, 2? Two times? Yep, that’s about right. Can I tell you a secret? I have never meshed immediately with anyone I’ve ever dated. (Hmm…that could be the problem.) It was always something I worked toward. It had to grow.

The first guy I ever “sparked” with was this guy. He and I are still friends, and I still judge every relationship by our friendship. Ideally, it’s what I would want. He wasn’t perfect, but he had (and still had) character. That’s a rarity these days. We talk about once every month or two, checking in about life, cracking jokes, and seeing how the other’s relationship with God is faring (see??? See what I mean? *deep sigh*). I always make sure to ask about his family (he’s a husband and father now), and we keep up with each other. We were always good friends. Very Dawson’s Creek.
He was the only one I’ve ever sparked with immediately…until he wasn’t.

There is someone who I’ve sparked with, almost immediately. We met because of a common purpose, and have very similar personalities and intellectual thought processes. Honestly, he reminds me a lot of the dude up there. Smart, funny, with several other *unicorn-esque characteristics. I remember thinking it when I first met him… “We click.” And then I found out he had a girlfriend.

In Season 5, “Plus One is the Loneliest Number” Carrie was celebrating her impending book release. She was speaking with her editors and met a guy. A smart guy. A funny guy. A guy with whom she had a common interest (writing). And they had a non-date. Just spent time together doing random non-important things. And she went out on a limb and asked him to be her Plus One. And then she found out about his girl, their cohabitation, and her visiting parents. And she made the statement that was so reflective that I’m sure that this fictional character woman was thinking for any woman in this situation, “What’s the point of meeting someone like that if they’re unavailable!” Touché.

Charlotte responded this way, “Maybe that’s the universe’s way of telling you they’re still out there,” while Miranda (I think…or Samantha) said, “No, it’s the universe’s way of saying all the good ones are taken.” Hmm… So how do you take spark plugs? You know, those situations when you find yourself feeling someone that you can’t pursue? When I was in Germany, I met a guy on the Omega Cruise (he was a Kappa though). He worked for BMW and lived in New York. He was in Germany for work. We talked awhile, but the reality was we were in Germany. The likelihood of anything coming of it was low (though we still email from time to time). I personally have no idea. It’s one thing if you just notice the plug…but to actually see the fire pop? Then what?

What I will say is that I thank the Charlotte’s in my life who choose faith. It’s good to have you folks in my corner. I hope anyone else who has ever experienced this situation has a few Charlottes. Because, character in the dating pool is starting to become a masterpiece of minimalism. (Can you name that quote? 5 points if you can :-] ).

So what say you? How do you handle those? Try to change your own destiny? Wait for your own version? Kick kittens? I’m interested in knowing. 🙂


–V 🙂

*unicorn: a person who has many wonderful qualities that either have a low propensity of being in one person, or if they are…said person should look like a mud duck (but oddly…he or she doesn’t)

P.S. This song has been stressing me out, lol. The girl at the gas station is overlooked in this scenario.

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