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I had absolutely nothing to write today. I was thinking hard. Because I had a great weekend celebrating my birthday, I wasn’t really focused on finding connections. And also…I was cheating on Carrie with the new love of my life – Olivia Pope. BET showed a Scandal marathon, and I got caught up in it. It was like Law and Order for a second…if I didn’t hurry and change the channel, I was going to get caught up for the next 14 hours and miss my birthday dinner, lol. But as I re-watched Season 1 on Saturday and parts of SATC2 tonight to try and find inspiration for something to write, I realized something: Carrie and Olivia have a few things in common.

carrie2satc_468x500scandal1

 

These are two seemingly very different women in exponentially different personal spheres. What could they have in common? Here is what I thought: First, they use their avenues of influence as personal therapy. Carrie’s column took the brunt of most of her “in my head” analyzing. Olivia’s relationship issues turned out to be her best advice to her clients. Everyone remembers the advice of the century to the guy who was in love with his brother’s wife…and the best line ever?

scandalstolenmoments“Stolen moments aren’t a life.”

I remember saying out loud, “Encourage yourself, girl…speak over yourself.” Then I thought…it’s very similar to what Carrie said to Aidan when he realized she was “cheating”. Cigarettes became the allegorical symbol for her infidelity.

Second, neither of them could make what they knew was right stick. How many times did both Carrie/Olivia say they were done with Big/Fitz? Eventually, Carrie and Big married, but when things got too happy and comfortable, she lived for the spice up. They made an entire storyline out of that for the Sex and the City 2 movie (Really? She was bored. That was all that happened for her in the second movie. She was bored.) For different reasons, Olivia won’t let she and Fitz get to their happily ever after. She pulls out at the end each time. I’m pretty sure this just makes the show work, but work with me here.

Third, even with the ideas of their fathers, I remember when the guy who worked with Carrie at Vogue told her she spends her whole life asking questions about men because her father left without answers (Season 4, “A Vogue Idea”). I wonder how Olivia’s relationship with Rowan affects how she interacts with guys. She couldn’t make the relationship with Edison work. You could argue that he was like Carrie’s Aidan. Additionally, you can’t refute the effect that both shows have had on women. Pope’s power is the new Carrie’s fashion. I swear when I went to DC this summer, I just wanted a white coat so I could walk around posing by things. With gloves. Totally with gloves. In a heat wave. That’s the kind of nerd I am.

scandalLastly, the thing they have most in common is that they are flawed. Very flawed. Carrie is there for her friends, she’s a successful writer, and had wonderful shoes…but she didn’t have the greatest moral compass. Same with Pope…smart and powerful with a fly wardrobe, loves the family she created at OPA, but finds it exceedingly difficult to turn away from One Minute moments. Olivia’s very emotion-filled “I don’t show up to places just because you want me,” was convincing, but short-lived. Same with Carrie’s “You can drive up this street all you want because I DON’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE!” (Season Six Part 2, “An American Girl in Paris – part une”) only to find herself laughing with him on the floor of a Parisian hotel.  That’s women. That’s people. We are flawed. We’ve announced to the world, our friends, or at least to ourselves that we are done with some person/place/thing only to answer a text, be caught in an Instagram photo, or have it in our hands again. we mess up. Maybe not on the scales that get to be discussed incessantly by bystanders who claim they’d NEVER be in that situation, but we do.

I couldn’t help but draw comparisons between two of the most discussed woman characters on television of past and present. I love both of the women, but I appreciate that the characters are flawed. That’s life. Big had to travel to Paris and Fitz had to wait out a clock, but the stories and cycles are similar.  I’m curious as to how Pope and Fitz’ stories will turn out. Carrie got married and her happy (ish) ending, but I doubt Shonda will let it be tied up with that pretty a bow.

Come on October 3rd.

Do you watch Scandal? Do you see any other comparisons? Shout ’em out.

Love,

-V

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On last Thursday (not yesterday), I went to a Ru Sans for lunch because I wanted Asian food. I didn’t know that they did a buffet, so I got the fried rice I wanted, broccoli, and an endless supply of sushi…my Nook and I were ready for a pretty nice afternoon. I took a small booth near the door, and prepared to read and eat.

There was a couple sitting to my side and a bit behind me. Because of our close proximity, I could make out their conversation, but I was trying to be engrossed in my book. However, there was a strand of dialogue that perked my ears, “He just doesn’t get me.”

Maybe it was the tone of her voice that made it stand out. Maybe it was the “he” pronoun when she was already there with a guy. It kind of made me chuckle like, “Someone is about to get broken up with.” His response was, “I completely understand. I’ve felt alone with her for the past two months.” My reaction turned from the chuckle to an “uh-oh….” I listened to them hash out their earnest complaints and desires about the person to whom they were committed. He played video games with a headset on for hours while ignoring the flesh and blood person sitting in his living room. She didn’t make the effort to give him to type of love he wants. And right when I was about to be lost in my book again, I heard her say “husband”.

My immediate thought was, “Molly…..you in danger, girl.” Unbeknownst, or maybe even beknownst (can you be beknownst? How can you just add random prefixes to words that don’t stand alone? Sorry…anyway……) to her, she was setting herself up for an affair. This communal gripe session was giving root to the allowance of those feelings being watered elsewhere. I wondered if they could see it coming. I wondered if they prepared for it in advance. I wondered if they had made the decision to cheat.

samanthaRichardAtlanticCityIt makes me think of Carrie and Aidan, the second go round in Season 4 (“Time and Punishment”). Or Samantha and Richard’s round 2 in Season 5 in Atlantic City (“Luck Be an Old Lady”). Or Charlotte, Harry, and the nanny in the Sex and City 2 movie. All of these were differing levels of the possibility of infidelity, and at some point, someone saw it coming. Notice I didn’tnanny mention the Carrie/Aidan/Big fiasco of Season 3. Big may have known his intentions, but for all intents and purposes, Carrie was a bit caught off guard. She tried her best to avoid him until she got thrown up against an elevator wall, lol. When Aidan was annoyed that Big was still around, he started hanging out with the female bartender (who obviously knew about her) and got very close to the “inappropriate” line. Samantha and Richard might’ve been a self-fulfilling prophecy because Samantha couldn’t let go of his past indiscretion, and was just waiting for it to happen again by side-eyeing every waitress and cleaning girl. Charlotte never considered the possibility that Harry would step out on her because she trusted him (still my favorite couple!), until her friends planted the idea, and then it was all she could see.

My point is this: at some point there is a moment of recognition and a moment of escape. Carrie called Aidan out on it so they could have the actual forgiveness conversation; Samantha cut her losses before that shoe hit the ground; and Charlotte…well she over-analyzed it while in Abu Dhabi but ultimately trusted her husband because the root of her issue didn’t stem from him, but from her friends warning her about the “Jude Law” (at least I think so. I didn’t like the second movie, so I didn’t watch it as much. I totally hope that’s what happened).

I remember being saddened once I found out she was married…that girl in the restaurant. I was discussing this with two of my closest friends, and decided that I wanted to warn her in some way. I wanted her to not become what she would despise. I was writing it on a napkin…”be careful.” I turned around to see how to give it to her, and they were gone. Who knows where. I hope they were going to have these conversations with someone else…their significant others (hopefully)… counselors… Iyanla… somebody! I didn’t want those two friends talk to give way to action that was not-so-friendly.

But I will tell you what I learned from the show and this situation – a lesson from each.

  1. Call it like you see it…you might even get some true forgiveness out of it.
  2. Know when to hold ’em, and know when to fold ’em. (this is not about towels)
  3. You should probably only trust details of your relationship to people who care as much about IT prospering as you do. This is different from people who care about you. Those can be opposites.

So what would you do if faced with the same situation, in any perspective? I’m curious. Let me know.

Love,

-V

Whenever I go to the grocery store, it is almost a definite that someone will stop me about my hair. They would say some variation of, “Oh my gosh! I love your hair. What do you do to it? What products do you use? I’m natural, but I’m not sure what I need to do.” I share my hair regimen, and I can see the looks on their faces change from “Oh wow” to “Nuh unh.” 4/5 of the time, I hear this phrase:

“Oh wow. Yeah…that’s too much work for me.”

I normally shrug and say, “Well, it works for me.” It has happened so much that I don’t pay it too much attention. It always reminds me of something I saw on a Kevin Hart behind the scenes video. He and his friends say this as a sort of call and response thing: “Everybody wanna be famous…don’t nobody wanna put the work in.” I would chuckle to myself, and keep it moving.

Then, as I was in the shower, hair twisted, shampooing (only my scalp) section by section, drenching with conditioner, finger detangling, and thinking of the black tea rinse I wanted to do, something occurred to me: The same is true of relationships. Everyone wants their Mr. Big, but nobody wants to have to beat him with flowers. For any individual, how much work is too much?

Sometimes, the work for some is at the beginning with appearance. He doesn’t look like you want him too. He’s too _______. If Charlotte had felt that way, she never would have been with Harry, who is arguably (though not really) the best husband on the series. Sometimes, the work is in the middle. Personality differences, disagreements, and/or compromises. The entire Steve and Miranda relationship is based on that premise. Sometimes she did the work; sometimes it was him; either way, it got done. If the work is at the end, like Samantha and Smith, you’re giving the old college try to make sure you’ve exhausted all possibilities before calling it out. But what if your work is like Carrie and Big…all throughout? Is she just stupid for not leaving sooner? Or did her perseverance finally award her the prize?

On VerySmartBrothas.com, there was a post about why women are overly loyal.My friends and I had a conversation about it, and one said, “Most women don’t give up easily…but we need not to if we are going to be “overloyal” mothers to our daughters and sons (not to create needy daughters or mama’s boys though). So I guess we gotta learn to give up on people early in the game lol??” Her sarcasm, (which I love…it’s one of the reasons why we’re friends) rings very true. Where is the line? I know it may be fine, but can we see it? Would it be dumb to think that something we’re not doing in practice (being loyal/working in relationships) will happen in the game (marriage to divorce)?

Put it like this…I like the outcome of my hair styling sessions. I’m willing to put it the work when the outcome is what it is. BUT, if (God forbid) a fire catches my hair a la Michael Jackson…no amount of deep conditioner can help that. I’m going to have to cut this ish off.

What say you? How much work is too much?

Love,

–V

Credit to BET

I swear, this is the 3rd or 4th time I’ve made a Kanye reference on this blog. Who knew that ‘Ye and Sex and the City would be so easily connected? (Well, except for Mr. West’s wardrobe choices for the Watch the Throne tour. Skants. All he needs is a lace crown, and he could’ve been  Carrie…oddly dressed but still dope.) I digress.

My last post about Learned Behaviors had a lot of feedback. It didn’t come in the form of comments on the blog specifically, but rather I was contacted via DM, Facebook inbox messages, texts, calls, and face to face conversations from people who both congratulated my ability to write my most (in my humble opinion) transparent post, and shared that reading said post caused them to reflective in their own relationship behavior and the catalyst there behind. Just think, my sharing caused hundreds (okay, well maybe 9) to reevaluate their behavior for the better! Now, I can admit that there was a more negative connotation associated with learned behaviors, but what about the other side? What about the positive things you’ve picked up from your past that has only been helpful ever since you learned it?

Kanye West had a skit on his album “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” (I believe it’s at the end of “Blame Game”) where Chris Rock is engaged in conversation with a girl who is (presumably) West’s ex-girlfriend/jump-off/concubine. He kept asking her where she learned to do this or where she picked up that habit (and that description is clearly infinitely more G-rated than the actual song, lol), and her refrain was unchanging: “Yeezy taught me.” Rock’s final conclusion? “Yeezy taught you well.” Basically, being with ‘Ye gave her some skills that made her new man very happy. Now, depending on whose perspective you’re looking from, this could be negative. I think from the perspective of the album, it was decidedly more negative, yet funny. But let’s get it connected.

Yeezy taught her?

Admittedly, there are some things I’ve taken from every relationship-esque situation I’ve been in that have been great assets in my next relationship-esque situation (including some I won’t discuss, but once I have a covenant, will have to get dusted off, lol). My first relationship really got me interested in hip-hop. Oh, I’d liked rap, but not with any great detail. I think the first rap song I learned I was in the 7th grade, and it was Warren G and Nate Dogg’s “Regulate”. When I was 18, the on again/off again semi-relationship/friendshippy thing I had, he loved hip hop. His favorite rapper was Redman, which is an odd choice considering we were both in the deep south (Louisiana). I listened to Eminem’s whole cd, not just the singles. I developed an appreciation for wordplay.

The guy after him, who I will refer to as Dawson’s Creek, was a baseball player. I talk about him here. He loved God, was a virgin (by choice, but even he admitted it was very difficult to do), and had great manners. We would play together all the time. I think baseball is incredibly boring; however, this is where I learned to take interest in my beau’s interests…even if it’s like watching caterpillars change.

My ex, he loved Southern rap. It expanded my palette to OutKast, Jay-Z, 8ball and MJG, etc… But more importantly, this is when I was forced to like football. From about the end of August until the beginning February, if we were going to spend time together on Saturdays, it had to happen on his couch. Preferably with wings. He was both a college and NFL football fan, so inevitably, I picked it up. And took it and ran with it. I’m a SEC girl (LSU! They’re my default. I was a Gator fan when Tebow was there. Loved him.) and wear my Saints t-shirts to work with a pantsuit to piss off my Falcons’ fan co-workers.

And every guy I dated after the previous one absolutely loved each picked up habit.

Big was a known jazz enthusiast. No doubt that helped Carrie with Ray, her jazz musician (until she couldn’t deal with his ADD). Steve taught Miranda to relax when he would wake her with their morning, er…happy time, even though she hated it. By the time she was dating Dr. Robert Leeds, she was comfortable enough to take a personal day of…um…happy time. And she didn’t even argue about it like she did with Steve. Stevie taught her.

All I’m saying is, even though we get some learned behavior that we need to get rid as soon as possible, we also get some beneficial things as well. I’m still me and I want to discuss issues like any other girl……………..as long as the Saints aren’t playing.

What say you? What good skills have you gotten from past relationships that will be helpful in your future ones? Who taught you well? (lol)

Love,

–V

P.S. …all you folks who read this, and then text me, you are more than welcome to actually respond here, lol

DISCLAIMER: Anyone that I have ever dated, please don’t take this personally if/when you read this. It isn’t personal…I’m actually trying to be objective. I’m not sure that I am saying anything offensive, but if I am, that isn’t the intent. K? Thanks. –mgmt.

There must be "closed-offedness" coming from the heels or the hair...

I have found that I attract a certain type of guy. They are very different fundamentally, but they generally have a small set of things in common. My common core, if you will. They aren’t physical attributes, but skill/talent attributes.

They are funny, are skilled with the written word, and know how to run game because they claim to be are reformed hos.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that every guy I’ve dealt with has run game on me (I’m not NOT saying that either…just to be clear); I’m simply saying that the ability for him to do so was present in his skill set. I have never been able to be with someone who could not make me laugh. As an English teacher, I obviously am fond of language. But, this running game thing is different. I’m realizing that it is a weird mix of the previous two; a hybrid of a comedian and a wordsmith.

Carrie was similar. Every guy she saw herself with for real was closed to her in someway. The only person who wasn’t was Aidan, and look how well that worked out. Big was closed with his feelings, Berger was closed with his masculinity, and Petrovsky was closed with his ideas and ability to compromise. It is obvious that Carrie loved “The Chase” which she even referenced while dating Aidan and why she felt so uncomfortable. She said, “No, it’s just, well, it’s just, it feels odd. You know, I’m used to the hunt, and this is effortless. It’s, just, it’s freaking me out” (Season 3, “Drama Queens”). So, it’s obvious what her issues her.

What the heck are mine? What about me is attracting game runners? I’m a very direct person, so I’m not engaging in verbal wrestling. I don’t have a vast relationship past or history. What is it??

Do you have a type that seems to gravitate your way?

I hope you’ve been doing well in the past month. My birthday is this Saturday coming up, so I am excited that my family is coming to visit!

Love,

–V

Everyone I know has been talking about men and their potential, and how women either need to look for it, work with it, or ignore it. My friends and I have had several conversations about the woman’s kryptonite, potential. Some feel that as long as a squinting woman thinks she can see it with bifocals on, men have it made in the shade. Others believe it is up to women to cultivate that potential. Even others believe that unless a man with potential has made some visible steps towards action, leave him alone.

My view is a mixture of them all. I like potential. It can be refreshing. I do have issue with having to be the catalyst for you to start moving. What happens if I am not there? Or if we have a falling out…does all movement stop? I am a firm believer in intrinsic motivation. If you are counting on an outside party to motivate you, that thing becomes a variable which can shift. A friend of mine and I were discussing this while watching The Book of Eli (I hadn’t seen it, and most of my friends gave me the side eye when they found out. She let me borrow her copy.), and she said, “It’s like Carrie and the cigarettes.” She immediately followed this statement by saying, “I’m around you too much. I’m starting to speak in Sex and the City.” Lol…Don’t ever fight the feeling when you feel it. (It’s a good day when you can reference Day 26…or maybe not…whatever)

All jokes aside, she had a point. I said, “I’m pretty sure I’m going to write about this.” In Season 3, (No Ifs, Ands, or Butts) Carrie gave up cigarettes to date Aidan. She  hadn’t been thinking about giving them up, but it was a non-negotiable for him (at least at the time). Her friends even encouraged him being a good reason to stop, even when Carrie said (in what I thought sound judgment) “When I want to quit, I’ll quit, but it won’t be because some guy told me to.” By the end of that show, she flushes her cigarettes down the toilet (is that safe? I always thought there could’ve been a better way to do that, lol), and proudly puts on a patch. This is the 5th episode of the season, but by episode 9 she not only biblically “know” Big again, she’s smoking too! All of this when separated from her inspiration? Hmm…

This is my point. When all someone has is proximity potential – the potential that only seems to move into action when in the proximity of an inspiration – they can be a good person, but how likely is it for things to retard when out of range? While I love potential, there should be some sure kinetic signs before I invest. All I’m saying is that if you tell me your dream is to sell snowcones in Hawaii, I’m with you. I’m probably checking and comparing kart prices…but I’m not giving them to you until you mention that you found a spot to set it up.

What say you? I hope you’ve had an awesome week!…and I want my hour back daylight savings :\

Love,

–V

P.S. Praying for Japan, and the people and families around the world affected by the tsunami.

(If you know where this title comes from…odds are, you might be awesome.)

A friend and I were having a conversation about love. No particular culprits, but just in general. Then, I started having a conversation with lots of people about love. We talked about how it seems that people are saying it quickly. And not just any people, but men. We were wondering what’s up with that? Hmm…

I remember that in my last relationship, I felt semblances of love at about the 2-3 month mark, but held it until he said it first (which I then found out later it didn’t really kick in until a lot later). Most people have been conditioned that love is a slow process, built up through time. Most times when people say love at first sight, it is accompanied by a few eyerolls, and possibly a “dude, really?”

Could it be that we, as a society, are conditioned to believe that if it is real, it has to come slowly? Even Romeo was cautioned by his own mentor to slow down, because “violent delights have violent ends”. Are we misinformed? A friend of mine told me that if he didn’t say it within the first month, it was because it wasn’t there, and no amount of time would make it appear. He also said that men waiting forever to say it are generally doing so “out of obligation and time spent, not actual feeling. Long drawn-out relationships indicate that you are not the one. If you were, I’d be acting.”

Ouch. Hmm.

In Season 2, Episode 10 (“The Caste System”), Carrie told Big that she loved him. He had done nothing special, and had given her possibly the ugliest purse known to humankind. Within that moment, she felt compelled to share her sentiments. He clearly looked uncomfortable, cleared his throat, and said “Well,…um…you’re welcome. I’ll wait for you outside.” Carrie decided that if he didn’t return the sentiment within a week, the relationship would end. So, was that evidence that he was not the one? That he was only enjoying her company, but never saw a future with her beyond the time they were spending?

Another friend and I were talking about the hybrid of women who were constantly putting emotional responses on a back burner: possibly from home-teachings or being burned in past relationships. Is it wrong? Are we too controlled with our emotions now? Women can separate the act of sex from feeling…at least it’s what they’re telling themselves for now. They assert that they can share their thoughts and their time without emotional ties. Are we performing emotional lobotomies? Are women now making love a choice?

What do you think?

I am, apparently, way behind on this. I am “supposed” to already have a list of the attributes, characteristics, and/or requirements of of my future “the one”…guess I’ve been busy. On SATC, Charlotte was probably the most criticized for having a particular type. Even Carrie had the conversation about the “good on paper” guy (Season 2, “Twenty-Something Girls”…etc).

The thing is, I have no idea besides the basics – you know – attractive to me and attracted to me, won’t “Ike” me, etc… – but other than that, I like what I like. I’ve never put a whole lot of thought into it. Most of the time, I didn’t know what I liked until I did, so I guess I’ll give it a shot. Here are the things that are most likely non-negotiables for my future “the one”…or at least a wishlist:

1. Have a sense of humor. If you don’t, I probably don’t know you past acquaintances anyway (unless we’re family, which doesn’t bode well for this particular list), so that is null and void.

2. Have a general understanding for the rules of spelling and grammar. Or at least, an understanding that you don’t have an understanding for spelling and grammar. Not the “I don’t know this and I don’t care” type…but the “I don’t know this, so will you look at this for me before I send it out?” type. I remember getting a text from a guy that said “Your beautiful.” Me being me, I responded, “My beautiful what?” I thought he hit send too quickly or something. *kanye shrug*

3. Be passionate about something constructive. It doesn’t have to be something that I am interested in, but passion is attractive. As long as it isn’t passion about all genres of p*rn, I’m okay. (Or about any p*rn related activity)

4. Willing to take care of me when I’m sick. This one is a new addition, and since I’ve had it, it is now non-negotiable.

5. Be able to say when he’s angry. I mean, I’m good at deciphering moods and whatnot, but that doesn’t mean I always want to do so. I’ll even take the “I don’t really feel like talking. Can I holla at you later?”

6. Appreciate music. I mean, if you’re fond of Gucci Mane, I might have to knock you in the eyebrow, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be together… BUT, if you’re fond of Gucci Mane because you think he’s the best rapper ever…we are NOT together.

7. Give genuine compliments. If you don’t like my hair, you don’t have to say you do, but if my shoes are hot and you say so, you get brownie points.

8. Doesn’t say I “use big words”. I just can’t. I also can’t guarantee that I won’t punch you in the thoat if you do make this utterance. Yes, thoat. No r’s for you.

9. Think that Kevin Hart is funny**. It would tell me a lot about you…especially the parts you think are the funniest. Besides, if you can look at an ostrich and not laugh, we might not be together.

10. Does/doesn’t like SATC, but would be willing to watch it with me. We together 😉 And since I like football, we should be able to work out an even exchange.

11. Pray. It changes things, and it is necessary. Can’t lead me if you’re not checking in. Just saying.

12. Be able to participate in general conversation with my family, and my close group of friends. If you can’t…I’m not quite sure why we’re talking. My family and friends are probably some of the smartest and down to earth people I know, but if you can’t follow the conversation.

ADDED AFTER POSTING: 13. Be able to follow the first 4 minutes of “The Social Network”. It was awesome.

I probably have more I could think of…but none are popping to mind. What about you? What’s on your list of your future mate?

Love,

–V

P.S. Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day everyone! Whether you serve your community on a daily, or when you have the time, the freedom to do either is a blessing. So, I hope you enjoyed your day on – serving the community – or off – taking a break from the service you do on the regular – commemorating his memory.

** Here is why I can’t think of ostriches without laughing. The quality sucks, but at least the entire thing is there.

A conversation that I had with a friend (yes, you got mentioned in this post, even though you don’t read it, but I’m sure someone will let you know) gave me the most profound and idiotic insight into the male psyche after I asked him what constitutes a male thinking that a female is flirting with him:

“To a man who is interested in you, flirting is any positive interaction of any kind. ‘Hey, you dropped your $20 bill!’ can mean, ‘She wants me. Why would she hand ME back MY dub? We together.'”

I told him that was probably the most idiotic thing I’d ever heard. His response? “Might be, but it is what it is.”

Her: "What does he think of this painting, I wonder?" Him: "Oh yeah...she wants me."

Now, this isn’t just one-sided. Women can also analyze the mess out of some run-of-the-mill niceties and start picking out 2nd child names. I’m just wondering from what experiences do people’s definitions of flirting come? I’ve had several folks tell me that I’m a flirt because I smile at guys. D*mmit…I’m a happy person. Don’t hate on my joyful soul. Just because the hot-32 were aimed your way for a millisecond of life doesn’t mean I’m fantasizing about carats and how well your last name sounds with my first (or any other kind of fantasy). I was also told that I seem rather “friendly.”  I hug people that I know when I see them. Maybe it’s because I’m from the South.

We’ve all probably been in those “we together” situations in our own heads where the other person has no idea we’re even thinking that way like me and T.I. Who else has had to have a “Well, I’m flattered, but the truth is *insert nice let-down and ensuing discomfort and awkwardness*” conversation? Not just me right?

All of the girls did their share of analyzing a man’s intentions based off a message or a question. When Carrie first met Jack Berger in Season 5, she took his asking her to accompany him to the dry cleaners as a sign that he was interested (which, I’ll admit, is a bit odd; however, he could have just been enjoying her company at that moment, and wasn’t ready for the convo to end).

For the past few months, a guy who is a friend has sent me smiley faces via text. To me, I think they’re letting me know that though we haven’t had time to talk, he hasn’t forgotten about me. To others, he wants me and just hasn’t had the opportunity to get it out. *Kanye shrug*

So I’ll bite: What’s flirting to you? Wat do you do when you are truly flirting?

Love,

-V

 So, I’ve been thinking…how different are women and men? I mean sure, we know shoes versus football (and I happen to love both), but how much deeper does the rabbit hole go? I mean, too many men will not admit how much time they spend, if any at all, analyzing their own emotions. Women generally get boxed into the concerned-attentive-emotional box, while men get the guarded-aloof-apathetic position, and society, the general public, and Kanye West are fine with it.

But what happens when there is a behavior switch? A man finds himself concerned emotionally about where he stands with a female, and a woman is in the aloof and guarded stance…seems like it throws the cosmos off kilter.

In Season 3 (my best guess is episode 6, but I’m on a media fast right now, so I can’t watch it to see), Aidan wanted Carrie to meet his parents, but she was apprehensive. I remember that Carrie was concerned that something was wrong with Aidan because he seemed too perfect. Anyway, Carrie explained her conundrum to her friends, saying, “Aidan is acting exactly like I wished Big would’ve behaved, but now I’m behaving like Big.”

Currently, I’m dating someone. I’m pretty guarded and cautious, and my friends tell me I’m being a butthole. I guess, like Carrie, I am looking for hidden icebergs so they don’t blindside me when they were in clear view (like the last relationship). This person is great to me, we’ve had a few arguments already and no one has died, and generally makes me happy. So what’s up? Carrie thought it was the lack of a stomach flip. I have absolutely no idea. I don’t see the harm in being cautious and careful. My friend said, however, “You just might cautious and careful yourself out of a man.” Thank you friend. Of course, I needed to be thinking about that. #sarcasm

Give me your take on it. What do you think? Is caution a male trait? Women are just supposed to go hopping, skipping, jumping, diving, and falling in love (Hopefully, you know that movie reference) without buoys or life vests and depend on their friends to have their eyes on the ocean in case something goes wrong? And vice versa…isn’t it okay for guys to throw caution to the wind once in a while and just go for it? I’m curious…

Love,

-V

P.S. Work has been hectic and my schedule has been crazy.

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