Zsa Zsa Zsu #31WriteNow

Butterflies… Stomach Flips… All used to describe the happy anxiousness that is the crossroads of something you’re looking forward to with the unknown. Carrie called is Zsa Zsa Zsu at the end of Season 5 (“I Love a Charade”). She describes it as the feeling you get when you meet someone you really really like. That sort of lovey, butterflies feeling when you just want to be with someone. Her actual quote was:

“‘How do you sustain a relationship without the zsa zsa zsu?’
‘The what?’
‘That butterflies-in-your-stomach thing that happens when you not only love the person, but you gotta have them. Isn’t that what gets you through the years? Even if it fades, at least you have the memory of the zsa zsa zsu…'”

Interesting concept. But I’m finding as I’m zeroing in on thirty during this #31WriteNow challenge that Zsa Zsa Zu doesn’t always have to be romantically linked even though that’s usually what is being discussed. As I come to know myself more and am clearer about the things I want, the things I need, and the things that are non-negotiable, I realize Carrie has a point. A lot of relationships may last for a long time without a butterflies feeling, but do you want that? Would you have an issue knowing that someone you love didn’t mind being with you, but didn’t necessarily want you? (How many relationships do you know of that fit that description? I can think of several.) In fact, how many relationships have you been in for that EXACT REASON?

I’m finding Zsa Zsa Zsu moments everywhere. Teaching isn’t glamorous (at all), but have my Zsa Zsa Zsu/Mr. Feeny moments every time I see the light bulb go off. When a child sees enlightenment in a concept I’ve taught them (in or out of the textbook), I get the butterflies. Those butterflies stop me from leaving the profession at particularly low moments. My friends provide Zsa Zsa Zsu moments over the years when I’ve felt particularly lonely in a new and bigger city than the one in which I grew up. The rest of that episode was interesting…truly one of my favorites. Miranda realized how important Steve was to her while Charlotte stopped with her ideal man list to realize an ideal man was in front of her.

Carrie had some truly poetic dialogue in this show. My favorite lines were at the end …

“When it comes to relationships, maybe we’re all in glass houses and shouldn’t throw stones. Because you can never really know. Some people are settling down. Some people are settling. And some people refuse to settle for anything less…than butterflies.”

Word.

I’m deciding that’s true for anything that truly matters to me. And I truly feel blessed that those things are coming into fruition in my job potential, my friendship circle, my family, my faith, and the man in my life. The things I hold close to me are important to me because I want them…not just because they are there and available. Settling was a true possibility. When you settle, you’re always hoping for something different while being indifferent in the now. So as I get ready for my birthday dinner party…I’m truly happy for butterflies. 🙂

Where have you experienced (or at least hope to experience) your Zsa Zsa Zu?

Love,

-V

Foreshadowing: Why look the other way?

I’m pretty sure that everyone – straight men included – are familiar with one of the most infamous breakup scenes in television history: The Post-It. You know the one, “I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.” How infuriating! To do that out of nowhere when you had ample opportunity to just say what you felt face to face?

But really? Are we surprised? Should we have been? Let me let in on a tidbit of info: there was a scene that was early on in the Berger/Bradshaw relationship that pointed to this moment. I only know this because I watch commentaries of movies and tv shows that I have on dvd (don’t judge me). It was on the 1st actual phone call between Carrie and Berger. See for yourself:

See it? He’s holding post-its on phone call number one! M. P. King said, “We wanted to foreshadow the break-up.” Now, granted, Carrie didn’t know he was weilding post-its as a deadly weapon, but it is symbolic of things women do all the time. Why, as women, do we ignore neon and flashing signs that things probably won’t go the way we think? Normally, it leads to something resembling this:

Not only are you hurt, but you now have to clean up flowers off the floor. Smh…

It could be the temper that has never been turned on you. The cheating he was willing to do with you. Or, in a more dire case, the 4 kids he has by 3  different women. I’m just saying. I’m guilty of it too, but what gives ladies? No matter what we see, we’d rather just keep this image in our heads…

My mentor and I were having this conversation, and she told me that her husband made a statement that “Women, especially black women will have to raise the bar to force men back to the standards they once held for themselves. A Lysistrata-esque movement needs to happen. The problem is, women don’t trust each other enough to bond together to force men back to their rightful places.” (If you don’t know what Lysistrata is, first, shame on you, now educate yourself.) Another friend concluded, “If he was such a dumb, triffling man…how’d he manage to fool your smart a**?”

Touche.

After the end of my relationship, my first goal was to take a real look at what was, and identify my place in it. Being a ride or die chick really doesn’t help the guy improve. On one of my favorite websites to read, VSB.com, they even talked about this as a retarded relationship paradox (check out numbers 3 and 4). You expect him to learn from his mistake, yet you’ll take him back? One only learns when there is a consequence from the act.

I’m curious to know what you think. Really. I am.

Love,

-V

P.S. You can tell school is about to start back, because I have made at least two academic language references, and one literary reference. I’m not ready.