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(If you know where this title comes from…odds are, you might be awesome.)

A friend and I were having a conversation about love. No particular culprits, but just in general. Then, I started having a conversation with lots of people about love. We talked about how it seems that people are saying it quickly. And not just any people, but men. We were wondering what’s up with that? Hmm…

I remember that in my last relationship, I felt semblances of love at about the 2-3 month mark, but held it until he said it first (which I then found out later it didn’t really kick in until a lot later). Most people have been conditioned that love is a slow process, built up through time. Most times when people say love at first sight, it is accompanied by a few eyerolls, and possibly a “dude, really?”

Could it be that we, as a society, are conditioned to believe that if it is real, it has to come slowly? Even Romeo was cautioned by his own mentor to slow down, because “violent delights have violent ends”. Are we misinformed? A friend of mine told me that if he didn’t say it within the first month, it was because it wasn’t there, and no amount of time would make it appear. He also said that men waiting forever to say it are generally doing so “out of obligation and time spent, not actual feeling. Long drawn-out relationships indicate that you are not the one. If you were, I’d be acting.”

Ouch. Hmm.

In Season 2, Episode 10 (“The Caste System”), Carrie told Big that she loved him. He had done nothing special, and had given her possibly the ugliest purse known to humankind. Within that moment, she felt compelled to share her sentiments. He clearly looked uncomfortable, cleared his throat, and said “Well,…um…you’re welcome. I’ll wait for you outside.” Carrie decided that if he didn’t return the sentiment within a week, the relationship would end. So, was that evidence that he was not the one? That he was only enjoying her company, but never saw a future with her beyond the time they were spending?

Another friend and I were talking about the hybrid of women who were constantly putting emotional responses on a back burner: possibly from home-teachings or being burned in past relationships. Is it wrong? Are we too controlled with our emotions now? Women can separate the act of sex from feeling…at least it’s what they’re telling themselves for now. They assert that they can share their thoughts and their time without emotional ties. Are we performing emotional lobotomies? Are women now making love a choice?

What do you think?

By now, everyone has heard the story about the two second graders performing oral sex on each other. One of my favorite blogs, Very Smart Brothas, had a post dedicated to it today. My co-workers and I have been talking about it during planning periods and after school. My friends have asked my take on it especially because I’m an educator. There has been shock and outrage and oodles of fingerpointing.

Yes, it shocked me, but not much.

See, I’m in the classroom everyday, and I have almost had to desensitize myself to the things that could bombard me and my eyes and ears on a daily basis, just to function. Hey, I’m almost happy if I find out that a female student is just having sex with one guy. You would be surprised at the conversations that I have intercepted. But I’m not…not anymore. Movies like Thirteen have shown that what is appropriate is now no longer the norm. And on top of that, I have to try and help them make sense of Romeo and Juliet? All I can do is stop the language and inappropriate conversation when I hear it, and report whatever comes my way…and pray.

This was touched on in Sex and the City. In Season 3, “Hot Child in the City” Samantha was hired to be the PR for a bat mitzvah. The young lady was turning 12, and clearly looked about 21. She and her friends had overtly sexual conversations. One girl stated, “I’d f*ck him…I’d f*ck him and his gay boyfriend.” Samantha, obviously the most risque of the group, felt compelled to step in and ask about their language and topic. She urged them to wait until they were older, saying they had “…the rest of their lives to talk that way.” The girls did not respond to her advances, telling her to “talk to the hand, grandma.” Samantha, at first, was jealous at all the girls had access to, but pitied them by the end of the episode because while they were exposed to so much, she had access to something they never had: a true childhood.

Atlanta recently had a snow week. I was so excited because of my first snowman and snow angel, even when I had to build it alone. Not one of my students attempted to go and play in it. None of them watch shows that seem appropriate to their age levels. There is no equivalent of “Salute Your Shorts” or “David the Gnome” (which, goes really hard btw) now. There is only “Southland” or “Real Housewives…” Long gone are playdates and sleepovers to watch movies and play games. Sleepovers now come as a result of leaving the club so late. Even to this moment, I know most, if not all, words to the songs of every Disney movie (Except the Great Mouse Detective…that one sucked.) I was more excited to see Tangled than most other movies that came out this year. Now granted, I am in a metro-area, but this is the case across the country. Children do not have the benefit of knowing the Preamble to the Constitution because of School House Rock, but know every line to Gucci Mane’s “Wasted”.

It’s one thing to be feel like you’re still a kid, but quite another to know you’re not one anymore. I wouldn’t trade those memories for anything in the world. So yes, someone will have to pay – probably the teacher who allegedly was present as the act occurred – but that act didn’t just start in the classroom. It probably started when a 7 year old wasn’t watching cartoons or helping someone bake cookies. And that, more than anything, is what hurts most.

Love,

-V

P.S. Just for the heck of it…get your law-making on… 🙂

Or your states and capitals… 🙂 (Shoutout to Baton Rouge, LA for being first!)

I hate* my friends.

Heart to Heart...

They consistently try to point out logic and truth when I don’t want to hear it. I was talking to one of my friends about my timidity of trusting someone and stepping out into relational waters again. She said, “Like, real talk? Not about him, or about your ex, because you haven’t said anything negative about him since the new year, but you have been throwing major shade at yourself. You are letting someone’s past actions dictate how you act, even if it is ‘in spite of.’ You are responding to him in defense of what you think he’ll do, and you need to remember that he is not your ex. You can’t treat him like he is, or like he will be. You have to let him be him, and take it how it goes. I’m not saying don’t be cautious, but don’t do this.”

*crickets* 😳

I gave the only response that I could give in that moment….

…”No, YOU stupid.”

We both cracked up. I acknowledged what she said, but thought about it on the car ride home. How much credit do we give our past in how we go about our present? I hate the idea that my past relationship can have that much power over the things I do right now. Who is really running these decisions that I make?

Another friend of mine called me a cold freezer today. He said I either have some hellified defense mechanisms, or I really don’t care. I believe it is the former. Only your friends can tell you those things about yourself that you don’t really want to hear. Or acknowledge. They can call into question your actions that you don’t want to analyze for yourself. They can make you view it so even if you decide to keep doing what you’re doing, you’re doing it consciously. Doesn’t that suck? Miranda did it for Charlotte in SATC 2: the movie. She forced her to admit that motherhood is not always nice, fun, or wanted. Only then could she really say what she wanted or needed, and stop running herself crazy or being resentful.

The ending of my last relationship blindsided me. In hindsight it should not have, but in the moment, it did. I keep wondering if I will walk into another head-on collision unprepared, so I’m checking every nook and cranny for possible signs. My friend said if I continue to do that, it in and of itself will cause the accident I was looking for. (She didn’t state it in this manner, but you know, implications and whatnot.) So I can admit this: I’m scared.

*sigh* 😕

Can’t you see why I hate* my friends? I just can’t right now. Goodnight 🙂

Love,

–V

* hate here means desperately thankful for even if I don’t admit it in the moment. This definition stops at the culmination of this post, and is only active within the confines of the post itself.

I am, apparently, way behind on this. I am “supposed” to already have a list of the attributes, characteristics, and/or requirements of of my future “the one”…guess I’ve been busy. On SATC, Charlotte was probably the most criticized for having a particular type. Even Carrie had the conversation about the “good on paper” guy (Season 2, “Twenty-Something Girls”…etc).

The thing is, I have no idea besides the basics – you know – attractive to me and attracted to me, won’t “Ike” me, etc… – but other than that, I like what I like. I’ve never put a whole lot of thought into it. Most of the time, I didn’t know what I liked until I did, so I guess I’ll give it a shot. Here are the things that are most likely non-negotiables for my future “the one”…or at least a wishlist:

1. Have a sense of humor. If you don’t, I probably don’t know you past acquaintances anyway (unless we’re family, which doesn’t bode well for this particular list), so that is null and void.

2. Have a general understanding for the rules of spelling and grammar. Or at least, an understanding that you don’t have an understanding for spelling and grammar. Not the “I don’t know this and I don’t care” type…but the “I don’t know this, so will you look at this for me before I send it out?” type. I remember getting a text from a guy that said “Your beautiful.” Me being me, I responded, “My beautiful what?” I thought he hit send too quickly or something. *kanye shrug*

3. Be passionate about something constructive. It doesn’t have to be something that I am interested in, but passion is attractive. As long as it isn’t passion about all genres of p*rn, I’m okay. (Or about any p*rn related activity)

4. Willing to take care of me when I’m sick. This one is a new addition, and since I’ve had it, it is now non-negotiable.

5. Be able to say when he’s angry. I mean, I’m good at deciphering moods and whatnot, but that doesn’t mean I always want to do so. I’ll even take the “I don’t really feel like talking. Can I holla at you later?”

6. Appreciate music. I mean, if you’re fond of Gucci Mane, I might have to knock you in the eyebrow, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be together… BUT, if you’re fond of Gucci Mane because you think he’s the best rapper ever…we are NOT together.

7. Give genuine compliments. If you don’t like my hair, you don’t have to say you do, but if my shoes are hot and you say so, you get brownie points.

8. Doesn’t say I “use big words”. I just can’t. I also can’t guarantee that I won’t punch you in the thoat if you do make this utterance. Yes, thoat. No r’s for you.

9. Think that Kevin Hart is funny**. It would tell me a lot about you…especially the parts you think are the funniest. Besides, if you can look at an ostrich and not laugh, we might not be together.

10. Does/doesn’t like SATC, but would be willing to watch it with me. We together 😉 And since I like football, we should be able to work out an even exchange.

11. Pray. It changes things, and it is necessary. Can’t lead me if you’re not checking in. Just saying.

12. Be able to participate in general conversation with my family, and my close group of friends. If you can’t…I’m not quite sure why we’re talking. My family and friends are probably some of the smartest and down to earth people I know, but if you can’t follow the conversation.

ADDED AFTER POSTING: 13. Be able to follow the first 4 minutes of “The Social Network”. It was awesome.

I probably have more I could think of…but none are popping to mind. What about you? What’s on your list of your future mate?

Love,

–V

P.S. Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day everyone! Whether you serve your community on a daily, or when you have the time, the freedom to do either is a blessing. So, I hope you enjoyed your day on – serving the community – or off – taking a break from the service you do on the regular – commemorating his memory.

** Here is why I can’t think of ostriches without laughing. The quality sucks, but at least the entire thing is there.

Like anyone else near the southeast…and northeast for that matter…I am snowed in.

If you’re in Jersey, New York, Chicago, etc…this might not be a big deal for you, but the south is shut down. I can’t go anywhere (albeit, this was an excellent week off work), and am starting to get a bit cabin feverish. I attempted to make a snowperson (my first one ever!), and a snow angel. That got me through the first day, but now I want human-to-human contact.

My Snowteen, Ivory

 

This got me thinking about winter boos. This term was popularized by Helena Andrews, and used to describe a person of the opposite sex kept around during the colder seasons for companionship and random chores. I’m thinking that because of the stay-inside thing that is going on due to the weather, Metro-Atlanta might be dealing with a baby-boom come November.

But, I digress. What if a lot of the reason that people start to break up in the Spring is because they never really meshed in the fall? Look at Carrie and Aleksandr Petrovsky. They were perfectly fine in the winter. Sure, a few misunderstandings that were ultimately looked over because, hey, who wants to be alone in the cold? But what about when there are no horse drawn carriages to rent, and no cappucinos to make. Then what? It’s you and him, and nothing else. Do you still mesh then?

A few friends of mine have been talking to me about this guy or that guy who “kind of gets on their nerves,” but they’ll wait and see what happens. If he’s getting on your nerves now, isn’t that odds that he still will be when it’s time for the world to see your toes again? I say yes. If you’re in a Winter Boo situation, call it what it is.

What do you think?

Love,

–V

P.S. Happy Founder’s Day to the illustrious Divas of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority!! Oo-Oop!

I know, I know. I’ve been gone.

I’ve been busy…like so busy that my house routinely looks like a hurricane hit it because I was coming in to fall asleep or shower and change clothes. Not all of it has been work. Some of it has been play. Or leisure. I have been multiplying friends like bunnies, and they are a great group of people! I’ve been home (twice) for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and truly enjoyed hanging out with my family. My cousin and I are planning the next trip (GERMANY BABY!), and my job is gearing back up.

I don’t have a New Year’s Resolution. I will only resolve to do the things I want to do, and refrain from doing the opposite.

I have had things to write about too! I have at least had 10 posts written in my head, but never got around to typing them up (and they were good).

Believe it or not, I haven’t watched Sex and the City since September! (That’s how busy I’ve been.) However, I remember something Carrie said, that though I’ll tweak it, still remains true.

“Breakups are tough. They’re hard…but I’d never have made it through without my friends.” –the same can apply to all years…to my friends that helped me make it through 2010, I’ll run through a downtown party in my pajamas and heels if you need me!

Happy New Year’s folks! 🙂

Love,

-V

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