Last night, two friends came over and we watched my admittedly favorite season of Sex and the City (Season 3). We started at the beginning with “Where There’s Smoke” and so many blog post options came about, but I decided to write about leftovers.

In this case, I am not talking about food. I’m talking about issues. I have talked at length about how slow I’m taking it, but I am now recognizing that one of the major reasons for my SlowPoke Rodriguez is the issues that were created as a result of my breakup. I have never had issues of this sort before, but now they are rearing their ugly heads. I find it difficult to believe anything without proof, and this has a lot to do with the lies of my ex. I think it’s only an issue because I chose to move past every lie I discovered, thinking that we were moving forward. That, my friends, was my fault in hindsight.

In this episode when Carrie met the politician, he offered to buy her a drink, which she declined until he gave a reason that didn’t seem threatening to her. He asked for her address, which she only gave after he explained that he would only use it for the official government purpose of telling her voting district. He asked for her number, which she chose not to give. He asked if it was a bad break-up, and was rewarded with a silence (and a half).

The entire theme of this episodes was being rescued as a princess; however, each woman fought it tooth and nail, or accepted the appearance when it didn’t add up. Miranda didn’t want Steve to help her get home after eye surgery. Charlotte allowed her “white knight’s” appearance to overcloud his reality. Samantha tried to create her own fantasy, and only ended up embarrassed.

This is what I wonder. It can’t be that easy to find the line between pulling back and going full throttle. If it was, everyone would understand relationships overnight. And even when you get past the surface of your pain, the undercurrents are harder to heal. Carrie put it best by saying, “I was so burned in my last relationship that I was terrified of leaping off into the next one.” Even when her guy showed an act of faith of showing up, she sat there fully dressed and refused to give in to his request. It took Miranda to put it into perspective. That realization gave her the courage to share with the politician that it was a bad breakup, and she needed to take things slowly. I recently had a conversation with a friend about this, and she said something very profound. She said, “Your fear is hand in and with some void that you have yet to discover. It is important to find it before you hurt him. He can’t pay for what he didn’t do. And you aren’t even doing anything to him, but your refusal to act can do even a little bit of damage that isn’t deserved.”

Good point.

You have to deal with your leftovers. As anyone can tell you, leftovers left too long are just a mess to clean up, but the sooner you do it, the better. Then maybe, like Miranda, I’ll be able to see him, or whoever, more clearly. Because obviously, “Where There’s Smoke…”…there IS fire.

I hope you all had wonderful weekends. I enjoyed our rainy weekend, and got much-needed rest.

Love,

–V

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