I’m pretty sure that everyone – straight men included – are familiar with one of the most infamous breakup scenes in television history: The Post-It. You know the one, “I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.” How infuriating! To do that out of nowhere when you had ample opportunity to just say what you felt face to face?

But really? Are we surprised? Should we have been? Let me let in on a tidbit of info: there was a scene that was early on in the Berger/Bradshaw relationship that pointed to this moment. I only know this because I watch commentaries of movies and tv shows that I have on dvd (don’t judge me). It was on the 1st actual phone call between Carrie and Berger. See for yourself:

See it? He’s holding post-its on phone call number one! M. P. King said, “We wanted to foreshadow the break-up.” Now, granted, Carrie didn’t know he was weilding post-its as a deadly weapon, but it is symbolic of things women do all the time. Why, as women, do we ignore neon and flashing signs that things probably won’t go the way we think? Normally, it leads to something resembling this:

Not only are you hurt, but you now have to clean up flowers off the floor. Smh…

It could be the temper that has never been turned on you. The cheating he was willing to do with you. Or, in a more dire case, the 4 kids he has by 3  different women. I’m just saying. I’m guilty of it too, but what gives ladies? No matter what we see, we’d rather just keep this image in our heads…

My mentor and I were having this conversation, and she told me that her husband made a statement that “Women, especially black women will have to raise the bar to force men back to the standards they once held for themselves. A Lysistrata-esque movement needs to happen. The problem is, women don’t trust each other enough to bond together to force men back to their rightful places.” (If you don’t know what Lysistrata is, first, shame on you, now educate yourself.) Another friend concluded, “If he was such a dumb, triffling man…how’d he manage to fool your smart a**?”

Touche.

After the end of my relationship, my first goal was to take a real look at what was, and identify my place in it. Being a ride or die chick really doesn’t help the guy improve. On one of my favorite websites to read, VSB.com, they even talked about this as a retarded relationship paradox (check out numbers 3 and 4). You expect him to learn from his mistake, yet you’ll take him back? One only learns when there is a consequence from the act.

I’m curious to know what you think. Really. I am.

Love,

-V

P.S. You can tell school is about to start back, because I have made at least two academic language references, and one literary reference. I’m not ready.

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