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As I was hashing out what I was going to write today, I reflected on my last few posts where I tried to reference Sex and the City 2 but couldn’t remember it though I remember disliking it. I recall preparing to see the movie. I even remember writing the first review. So I decided last night to re-watch it to see if I still felt the same way about it.

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I do.

Even worse actually.

I think it’s even worse because then the excitement of it being a new movie, a new Sex and the City movie at that, made me see it differently. I still agree with what I said about Big being the character who remained most true to himself. I still hate Miranda’s corniness. The dialogue was subpar. The clothes…well…the clothes were still good. I meant mostly. I’m still annoyed with Carrie’s hat(s). I still think that all of the best things were throwbacks to the series: the Dior dress, Aidan’s appearance, Smith Jared’s abs.

It made me think about how much a little time can change your review about any thing. Most of the time when I review something that happened after time got a hold of it, I realize how bad it was. When I look back at past relationships, I see how unhappy I was and how I was mostly committed to my commitment. There is a birthday that I have completely blocked from my memory because I hate how a guy I eventually ended up dating embarrassed me in front of my family and friends. In the moment, it was bad. In retrospect it was worse. The good thing about time is that it does provide some type of healing, but the better thing is that it provides clarity. What actually happened. What really occurred. Things you might have decided to gloss over because of the emotion involved that clouded the details become 20/20. Like seriously…I wonder how Kanye West will look back at this moment of life after the passing of his mom after he gets the therapy he probably needs and needed. Will he still think the leather kilt was a good look?

I know this: I have never been happy in any past relationship. There were always things I “dealt with” because I didn’t really believe what I would want could or would happen. I could have happy moments, and decide they were evidence of overall happiness. I also know this: I didn’t think that Sex and the City 2 was a good movie. I liked the moments that reminded me of the show in new ways, but mostly, I could leave it.

Have you ever had a situation that time allowed you to see the reality of it, and not the story of it you probably told in the moment? Are you thanking your lucky stars for this fresher view? Let me know.

Love,

-V

P.S. But serious Carrie…WTF…? You look like the Queen of Spades… :-/

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One of the things that I love about Sex and the City is the wittiness of the dialogue. I loved how many allusions there were to literature, how the shows were themed…all of it. That is the part of the show that initially drew me in – well…that and the shoes. To me, this is what was missing from the second movie (I think. I’m going to watch it again tonight to ensure I know what happened. I disliked it so much at first watching that I bought it and never watched it again. The dialogue that I can recall was so corny that I got annoyed)…the conversations. One episode that has a huge focus on that dialogue is the Season 5 premiere, “Anchors Away”. When Carrie suggested Brady might be anorexic because he wouldn’t latch on during breastfeeding? Loved it. Creating New York as a dysfunctional boyfriend? Great imagery.

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I was ecstatic yesterday when I had to opportunity to be all witty and whatnot during the most random conversation. Let me just say this: yesterday was a day of Randomness. I got compliment bombed as I walked to my car from lunch yesterday. A guy yelled “NICE LEGS!” and waved from his truck. (No…thank YOU random citizen!) But the most random one happened as I was trying to find the best popcorn on earth in Kroger.

As I walked through the store, searching on the popcorn aisle for popcorn (silly me) and not finding it. A group of male employees at the meat station started making comments to which most non-ratchet women wouldn’t acknowledge or respond. Finally, one of the guys said, “Can I help you find something?” I then turned and said “No, I’m okay.” The second guy said, “It don’t make no d*mn sense for you to look that good.” I did a polite smile and kept walking. The first guy said, “What are you looking for?” I said “This popcorn…” The second guy said, “Is it good?” I said, “Yes…it’s the best popcorn in America…possibly the world.” He said, “Dang…that good? I want to try it.” I said, “If it’s in here, I’ll let you know what it’s called.” He said, “But I want to try it…not here, but at your house later.” I said, “Ummmm……..inappropriate must be half off with your Kroger card.”

About 10 minutes later, I felt the sweet euphoria of having the great comeback. The witty response. That awesome repartee. That was a great response! Yes…I’m a dork. I know…I’m okay with it, but I was seriously thinking, “SWEET!” once it came out of my mouth, lol.

You ever have an experience where you had an awesome comeback that didn’t “occur to you to say” like…..3 hours later? What was it? I wanna know. Sharing is caring. I have another one where I almost effectively quoted an entire chorus from Bobby Brown’s “My Prerogative” without her knowing it, and was giving good advice too. Oh yeah…that one was awesome. Anyway, please…share.

Love,

-V

On last Thursday (not yesterday), I went to a Ru Sans for lunch because I wanted Asian food. I didn’t know that they did a buffet, so I got the fried rice I wanted, broccoli, and an endless supply of sushi…my Nook and I were ready for a pretty nice afternoon. I took a small booth near the door, and prepared to read and eat.

There was a couple sitting to my side and a bit behind me. Because of our close proximity, I could make out their conversation, but I was trying to be engrossed in my book. However, there was a strand of dialogue that perked my ears, “He just doesn’t get me.”

Maybe it was the tone of her voice that made it stand out. Maybe it was the “he” pronoun when she was already there with a guy. It kind of made me chuckle like, “Someone is about to get broken up with.” His response was, “I completely understand. I’ve felt alone with her for the past two months.” My reaction turned from the chuckle to an “uh-oh….” I listened to them hash out their earnest complaints and desires about the person to whom they were committed. He played video games with a headset on for hours while ignoring the flesh and blood person sitting in his living room. She didn’t make the effort to give him to type of love he wants. And right when I was about to be lost in my book again, I heard her say “husband”.

My immediate thought was, “Molly…..you in danger, girl.” Unbeknownst, or maybe even beknownst (can you be beknownst? How can you just add random prefixes to words that don’t stand alone? Sorry…anyway……) to her, she was setting herself up for an affair. This communal gripe session was giving root to the allowance of those feelings being watered elsewhere. I wondered if they could see it coming. I wondered if they prepared for it in advance. I wondered if they had made the decision to cheat.

samanthaRichardAtlanticCityIt makes me think of Carrie and Aidan, the second go round in Season 4 (“Time and Punishment”). Or Samantha and Richard’s round 2 in Season 5 in Atlantic City (“Luck Be an Old Lady”). Or Charlotte, Harry, and the nanny in the Sex and City 2 movie. All of these were differing levels of the possibility of infidelity, and at some point, someone saw it coming. Notice I didn’tnanny mention the Carrie/Aidan/Big fiasco of Season 3. Big may have known his intentions, but for all intents and purposes, Carrie was a bit caught off guard. She tried her best to avoid him until she got thrown up against an elevator wall, lol. When Aidan was annoyed that Big was still around, he started hanging out with the female bartender (who obviously knew about her) and got very close to the “inappropriate” line. Samantha and Richard might’ve been a self-fulfilling prophecy because Samantha couldn’t let go of his past indiscretion, and was just waiting for it to happen again by side-eyeing every waitress and cleaning girl. Charlotte never considered the possibility that Harry would step out on her because she trusted him (still my favorite couple!), until her friends planted the idea, and then it was all she could see.

My point is this: at some point there is a moment of recognition and a moment of escape. Carrie called Aidan out on it so they could have the actual forgiveness conversation; Samantha cut her losses before that shoe hit the ground; and Charlotte…well she over-analyzed it while in Abu Dhabi but ultimately trusted her husband because the root of her issue didn’t stem from him, but from her friends warning her about the “Jude Law” (at least I think so. I didn’t like the second movie, so I didn’t watch it as much. I totally hope that’s what happened).

I remember being saddened once I found out she was married…that girl in the restaurant. I was discussing this with two of my closest friends, and decided that I wanted to warn her in some way. I wanted her to not become what she would despise. I was writing it on a napkin…”be careful.” I turned around to see how to give it to her, and they were gone. Who knows where. I hope they were going to have these conversations with someone else…their significant others (hopefully)… counselors… Iyanla… somebody! I didn’t want those two friends talk to give way to action that was not-so-friendly.

But I will tell you what I learned from the show and this situation – a lesson from each.

  1. Call it like you see it…you might even get some true forgiveness out of it.
  2. Know when to hold ’em, and know when to fold ’em. (this is not about towels)
  3. You should probably only trust details of your relationship to people who care as much about IT prospering as you do. This is different from people who care about you. Those can be opposites.

So what would you do if faced with the same situation, in any perspective? I’m curious. Let me know.

Love,

-V

Yep. I thought I told you that we won’t stop, I thought I told you that we won’t stop! *Insert random Diddy noises*

Hi.

Yep. A straight Scandal, Pope listening to the President speak words after being shot in the head response… “Hi.”

Yes I know I haven’t written since Valentine’s Day. And I know that I could have and didn’t. But since Luvvie is all rallying the writing troops for her #31WriteNow Challenge…it seemed as good a time as any to get back in the saddle.

For this month of August, I’m going to try to write a post everyday. It seems a good month to do it…I turn 30 this month. I’m entering a new decade. A new age box to check on surveys. A new mindset of things that creep into your head that you never gave more than a passing whim to before. The age group where you start thinking about your parents dying. Or what you want to happen to your career in real-time, not theory. If you think you could handle having an actual kid. Is there someone you could be with the rest of your life and make the new version of your family? Dude…just go running…it’s not about vanity anymore – it’s about health.  Yeah, I’m not doing that………I’m about to be 30, and I’m saying no to that one. Why? Just because.

Those thoughts permeate my brain on a daily basis in one source or form or another. I’m reflective. I’m a creature of habit, so change is a big deal to me. But I’m also a Leo, so challenges aren’t. Let’s see if this month can help filter through the murkiness of my mind…not forgetting to nod to the pristine places too. Here we go…you in?

Love,

-V

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