A few days ago, I was reading a post on Very Smart Brothas about what real friendship is…or means. The post was funny (and true…especially the checking your email part), and it got me to thinking. What are the other characteristics of real friends?

In honor of the fast-approaching premiere for SATC 2, I decided to list some aspects of friendship that were gathered from the show or previous movie. So, here we go:

  • "She's our friend...and she's sinking."

    Real friends tell you when you are being a b*tch. The use of the B-word can also mean bully/punk/anything else. It can also mean they’ll tell you when you’re wrong. Real friends will always have the courage to tell you the worst of yourself without worrying that the friendship will be completely over. Carrie had to tell Samantha that she was being inconsiderate to Miranda after Brady was born. Samantha didn’t like it, but it had to be said. I remember when my friend told me I was rude to her once, and it made me recognize it to ensure I did not do it again…at least not without knowing.

  • Real friends fight with you. Real friends don’t normally have to

    "I have made some mistakes...and Charlotte, YOU have made some mistakes."

    talk behind your back…and if they do, they’ve already said it to you, and had it out with you about  whatever it may be. The thing is that they are not scared to fight with you. Sometimes points must be made. Carrie didn’t appreciate Charlotte’s turning away from her when she was being faced with eviction…and she made sure to let her know.

  • Real friends are excited for you about little things. It doesn’t have to be a major accomplishment for your friend to want to break out bells and whistles. I told my best friend I went running after months of not doing so, and she got as excited as she was when I got those Louboutins for more than 40% off (that IS a big deal). Samantha broke out champagne for Carrie’s popped pimple, and Anthony was excited that Charlotte finally got some from her divorce lawyer. See…little things count.
  • Real friends know when not to give you advice. Sometimes you need your friends’ support, but not necessarily their opinion. I found this

    "I can't tell you what to do."

    out the hard way. It’s a hard thing to stand back when a friend is really going through, but allow them to make decisions for themselves. Carrie had to do that when Miranda considered an abortion. She was there for her either way, but let the final call be Miranda’s to make.

  • Real friends don’t charge you for the things they can do for free. Now I don’t mean if your friend can style hair, you expect her to buy dye and rollers. I mean the service fee. The other part of that is that you don’t take advantage of their talents. Not once in all of the episodes of Sex and the City did I see Miranda make any of the girls pay for legal advice. I’m just saying.
  • Real friends are there for you in your darkest hours. Whether it is after a breakup, a job loss, money woes, or a death in the family, you should be able to count on your friends to support you without worrying that you are bothering them.  Even years after the breakup I just went through, I’ll remember getting a box of jello, a pedicure set, and a gift card to blockbuster from my best friend when she couldn’t be here with me. I’ll also remember the phone call from my ace (line sister) telling me, “Get your *ss outta bed.” Even when they could not physically be here with me, their actions gave me the support I needed at the time. There are several examples of this, but I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves.
    • Real friends give you what you need, not necessarily what you want. Sometimes, it is difficult to see ourselves the way our friends see us. We feel rejected or inadequate. We want to do nothing when we need to move.  Those are the times when our friends yell  down our worst inner judge, or make us do what we don’t want. The most touching moment of Sex and the City: The Movie is when Samantha made Carrie eat breakfast. Sounds suspiciously like when a friend of mine took me to church, and wouldn’t take me home until she saw me digest something. 🙂
    • You can trust real friends with your most valuable possession. That could be your child, your car, or your brand new $400 shoes that are in her size…you know you’ll get them back without harm. (Well…maybe not the shoes.)

     

    • Real friends will tell you when you look a mess. Period.

    • Lastly, real friends will make an idiot out of themselves for you! No matter what you’re doing (like entering your dog in a dog show), a real friend will be there cheering you along. Even when you may not want them to…

    Carrie! I'm here!!

    So, anything to add? Do your friends fit the descriptions? Mine sure do, and they should consider this my thank you note to them. I am forever grateful. 🙂

    Love,

    V.

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