“And look, you tell me you ain’t did it, then you ain’t did it. And if you did, then that’s family business.” –Kanye West
Family Business by Mr. West is probably one of my favorite songs of his. (I think I’ve managed to mention Kanye in at least 5 different blog posts. In my personal opinion, I love this old style Kanye. But that’s another post…for another blog.) I love his candidness about family loyalty. A chain of events caused me to listen to this song, watch a specific episode, and reflect.
My ex got married this past weekend. This ex. Yep…this ex. Once I found out he was engaged, I felt some kind of way. Not negative, but definitely not positive. Probably incredulous. *Kanye shrug* But then I got on with life, and decided what I wanted for lunch, or something like that.
Then the text messages started:
“GIRL!!!!!!!!! Did you know….”
“I can’t believe that ninja….”
It was ridiculous. I started to make a twitter/FB announcement that I knew, and no, I didn’t care. Besides, most of the people who texted just wanted to know what my reaction was. They didn’t have a vested interest in me…and “ain’t nobody got time ‘fa that.”
The summer went on, and I forgot…unless I passed a Ruby Tuesday. (LOL…inside joke.) And it wasn’t until my friend posted pictures at the venue that I recalled that it had actually occurred. He was married…and I still didn’t care.
But I did. But not about him. Or the white dress. Or the people clapping at a new union. I’m from the school of, “If she can make you a better person, please, BY ALL MEANS, do you.” But I did care…about his mom.
I realize that that has been the only thing to hurt my feelings. I last talked to his mother on Christmas Eve (maybe it was the 23rd, I don’t know) to check on her, say Happy Holidays and invite her to church because I was singing. She asked about me, caught me up on his son, and told me that she would try to watch online. She and I had created a very wonderful relationship when he and I were in one, and when I told her that he’d ended it, she hugged me and cried, and said that we could still continue our friendship. It made me think of “Shortcomings” when Carrie dated Vaughn, a short-story writer, and she had more chemistry with his family. When the writing was on the wall, it was really his mom who she had to end it with. In the episode, she asked the question, “When you date someone, how many people become emotionally involved?”
His mom stopped answering the phone for me after the New Year. We talked via text. She declined my attempts to bring her my tax papers, preferring for me to mail them instead. It was only later that I realized why: because he was engaged. I spoke to his Uncle when I went home for Memorial Day, and he shared with me that his mom was extremely happy that he had made a commitment. It hurt. I felt betrayed in a small sense.
I’m big on family. So one of the hardest things in that break-up was realizing that I lost a piece of extended family, especially his son that I had been sowing into since he was 7 months old. So if there were any ill-feelings about those nuptials, it had nothing to do with him. It had to do the woman who promised to still be my family. Maybe she can’t keep those promises, or maybe she just wouldn’t. Either way, it stung a bit.
But again, life moves forward.